Spouse Maintenance Help

Accountant_Kerry

Comms69 said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

50/50 doesn't mean you don't pay anything but reason you pay 50% of everything, in fact I probably pay more as I pay for pretty much all activities and clothes etc 

There seems to be an underlying narrative (not necessarily O&U) where if the money doesnt pass through the mothers hands, it's not really spent on the child / the father cant be trusted to buy the 'right' clothes. 

I find it strange. 

Agreed its very odd. I guess its why people think the need to pay zero child maintenance on 50/50 care is odd because it genuinely reflects the equal responsibility of each parent financially to the child

Comms69

Accountant_Kerry said:

Comms69 said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Accountant_Kerry said:

onwards&upwards said:

Comms69 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Is 50/50 best for the kids?  How will it work in practice?  Will they not feel as though they are being constantly shunted from pillar to post with no place that is truly ‘home’?

Or two proper homes? I dont understand this logic, it's suggesting that kids should feel like a guest in the NRPs home?

I know a few people who felt like they were guests in both homes, they never felt it was ‘my house’ always either ‘mum’s house’ or ‘dad’s house’ and never enough time to fully relax and settle in either one as they were only ever a few nights from packing up and swapping again. That seems a shame to me.  

I split care 50/50 and it works very well, it’s well documented that its good for children in general. Your notion that it’s willingly damaging is outdated 

What’s changed?

I’m sure there are families making it work as well as possible, just throwing it out there not to assume it’s the best way forward.  I wonder if some parents want it to avoid paying support sometimes (not directed at you but there are definitely some!

50/50 doesn't mean you don't pay anything but reason you pay 50% of everything, in fact I probably pay more as I pay for pretty much all activities and clothes etc 

There seems to be an underlying narrative (not necessarily O&U) where if the money doesnt pass through the mothers hands, it's not really spent on the child / the father cant be trusted to buy the 'right' clothes. 

I find it strange. 

Agreed its very odd. I guess its why people think the need to pay zero child maintenance on 50/50 care is odd because it genuinely reflects the equal responsibility of each parent financially to the child

My ex seems to forget that maintenance i pay is supposed to cover ancillary costs, but at the same time I find £20 here and there for some extras is better than the argument. It's all a balancing act, but i agree that 50/50 means equal responsibility. The simplest way to look at it from my perspective is each household has clothes, uniforms etc. And that way there's no need to argue.

LonMan

Thanks for everyones reply so far. Been told the usual split for spouse maintenance is 1/3 of my income by my Lawyer. Because or difference in income is so great, I will have to give her spouse maintenance. 

tooldle

Surely that can be for a limited time? There is a difference between not being willing to work, and needing a bit of time to update skills and get back into the employment market.

Silvertabby

LonMan said:

Thanks for everyones reply so far. Been told the usual split for spouse maintenance is 1/3 of my income by my Lawyer. Because or difference in income is so great, I will have to give her spouse maintenance. 

Are you sure about that?  When neighbours divorced, she got spousal maintenance for 2 years only because she had been a housewife for 25 years.  The money was simply to tide her over while she trained for/found a job.  

Comms69

LonMan said:

Thanks for everyones reply so far. Been told the usual split for spouse maintenance is 1/3 of my income by my Lawyer. Because or difference in income is so great, I will have to give her spouse maintenance. 

Maybe for a short period of time. The courts do not expect exes to support eachother for long periods of time. 

12; maybe 18 months

bouicca21

Is your solicitor family law accredited?  I’d have thought  maybe up to 3 years at most to allow for some sort of training. Both of you really do need to sign up with wikivorce to get advice about the latest thinking on splitting finances. 

She would have a better case if she fought for being main carer rather than accepting 50/50 care and asked for child maintenance.  I think you need to be prepared for that as a tactic.  But she needs to be persuaded to think long  term.   If she gets what she wants until youngest is 18 (or 21 if uni is involved) then she is simply postponing the inevitable.  She will be that much older, and suddenly looking for a job.  That is going to be far more disastrous than taking steps to get back into the job market now.

LonMan

Had an update from my Lawyer. Seems to think that 50/50 split of the house and £1900 for the next thirteen years is a good deal as apparently she could get a lot more. It's difficult because my income can vary considerably from year to year. Shes now also asking for 70% of the house plus £1900.

Mojisola

LonMan said:

Had an update from my Lawyer. Seems to think that 50/50 split of the house and £1900 for the next thirteen years is a good deal as apparently she could get a lot more. It's difficult because my income can vary considerably from year to year. Shes now also asking for 70% of the house plus £1900.

Has your solicitor explained why this is his/her thinking?

Have you taken a second opinion from a solicitor with plenty of experience?

Comms69

LonMan said:

Had an update from my Lawyer. Seems to think that 50/50 split of the house and £1900 for the next thirteen years is a good deal as apparently she could get a lot more. It's difficult because my income can vary considerably from year to year. Shes now also asking for 70% of the house plus £1900.

Honestly this is ridiculous and you should get a second opinion. It's unheard of to pay that much in spousal maintenance for 13 years.