Talk me down please 2

Pollycat

Glad you had a good time, Melly.

I'm another one wondering if you've reported the abuse to the police.

mellymoo74

I havent
I know I should and had a lot of telling off about it from my brother's and their partners 

thorsoak

So report it now, Melly - don't feel it looks bad on you - it looks bad on him (as it should)  There is nothing for you to feel ashamed about - he has abused you, mentally and physically - and "gaslighting" is now recognised as a form of abuse - so report it, my love. Don't feel bad about sending the police to his door - his behaviour deserves it.    

elsien

I'm going to add a small caveat here.
You've come from what sounds like a very controlling situation. Family and friends mean well but are still telling you what to do, although it comes from a good place.  
Sometimes you need a bit of time to work out what you want and need as opposed to what other people are telling you,  to find "you" again. It's ok to tell people to back off and you'll do what you need to do in your own time.
That's all I wanted to say. 

mellymoo74

My brothers were thrilled with how much better I look, and I do look better gained some weight cos I'm eating well. Had some food at one of the brothers still had Chinese when we got back. 
I know I should report it, it's mixed up in my head with a whole heap of stuff which is why I haven't and I honestly don't know if I will. 

Pollycat

mellymoo74 said:

I know I should report it, it's mixed up in my head with a whole heap of stuff which is why I haven't and I honestly don't know if I will. 

I can think of all sorts of reasons why you would be reluctant to report it, Melly.

I agree 100% with Elsien's post. Your decision in your own time.

I'm not going to mention it again, it clearly is an issue that is is pulling you in different directions.

But...I would urge you to retain all proof of abuse just in case you decide you do want to report it at some time in the future.

gettingtheresometime

Whilst I agree with Elsien's excellently worded post, the only thing I would say is that if the emails are logged with someone, then would there be a chance that if he was to enter into another relationship the woman could at least find out about his past history? 
I'm not pressurising you to make a decision one way or another but it might be worth thinking about and possibly discussing with your solicitor.
Feel free to ignore the above - I blame it on listening to too much of The Archers!
Btw that's a lovely photo of you!

mellymoo74

I understand that 
I'm just having enough trouble coping with the stuff I have to get sorted, reconnectong with my family, and trying to rebuild my life to deal with a police force that have a particularly bad reputation for this.
Plus I'm still getting my head round it, sometimes I'm angry, I'm often scared to the extent my friend had a chat with me about not needing to panic when the door goes to cope.
Thank you, physically I look tons better and I am mentally a bit better but it's going to take time. 

gettingtheresometime

mellymoo74 said:

I understand that 
I'm just having enough trouble coping with the stuff I have to get sorted, reconnectong with my family, and trying to rebuild my life to deal with a police force that have a particularly bad reputation for this.
Plus I'm still getting my head round it, sometimes I'm angry, I'm often scared to the extent my friend had a chat with me about not needing to panic when the door goes to cope.
Thank you, physically I look tons better and I am mentally a bit better but it's going to take time. 

Of course it is & I fully respect it....you've taken back control so don't let anyone try & force you to do anything you're not completely happy in doing, however well meaning they are.

mellymoo74

I realised that was a bit harsh sounding
Bad day yesterday don't know why. 
Had a few hours sleep and back up now. 
Gonna bake as that soothes me 
So off to do brownies