Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay for her boyfriend to come to my wedding in 2021?

onwards&upwards

Pollycat wrote: »

Because they are your friends...?
Not some random +1.

I think you might have missed my point a bit. They are your friends, so you care about them, so you don’t want them to feel awkward and alone at your wedding, so you consider a plus one.

Unless you are only inviting your friends to give you the attention you want and a wad of cash, which sadly seems to be the case at a lot of weddings these days.

Runningfast

warby68 wrote: »

I might be old fashioned or something but I wouldn't invite people without their partner even if I didn't know the partner. Almost everyone I can think of offhand wouldn't want to go to an event solo. There might be a case for a table of friends or colleagues if they all know each other and know they're a group.

If I couldn't afford it I'd change the style of the wedding.

Forcing people into uncomfortable situations to meet your tight wedding budget is not going to be easy.

As for charging, it seems tacky and opens a can of worms with other guests.Never heard of anyone paying for extra guests for anything.

I'd say save the date for now and you will see if you can accommodate a partner nearer the time and you understand if she would be uncomfortable if you can't and as a result decline.

Im going to a wedding next month on my own. There is no issue with it what so ever and happy to go. Apart from he bride and groom I know no one there.

The wedding has a max guest list of 50 they are only having an evening no day event (marriage, meals, speeches straight in to night) the 50 guests are the guests etc. Why should I get to take a plus one when I'm not paying the meal costs etc. If I take a plus one that is basically a family member or someone who is closer to the couple missing out.

The wedding is their choice and they are paying for it. As there mate it is for me to accept the terms or not. My friendship with them means more than me demanding to take a plus one etc.

In this case the friend should just accept that the guest list is the guest list and no push to take her bf etc. If everyone did it then the couple don't get the wedding they want. Its their day, they are paying for it!!

Runningfast

SuperPikachu wrote: »

I thought the "normal" thing was to just invite a person to the evening part in these situations.

Not everyone has a day and evening event I have been to two weddings in the past few years that have only been evening. I am going to one next month that is an evening event also.

The wedding next month is like this.

Ceremony at 5PM
Meals
Speeches
Night event

50 guests invited and those 50 are the guests from 5pm until the hotel closes the bar etc.

Many people in this event have been invited minus partners and plus ones etc. I'm going on my own with no plus one and it really isn't an issue to me. I'll talk to absolutely anyone. I will party with strangers and many others obviously feel that way as everyone invited have confirmed their attendance.

Pollycat

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I think you might have missed my point a bit. They are your friends, so you care about them, so you don’t want them to feel awkward and alone at your wedding, so you consider a plus one.

Unless you are only inviting your friends to give you the attention you want and a wad of cash, which sadly seems to be the case at a lot of weddings these days.

I actually didn't think I'd missed your point.


Most people have a finite budget for their wedding.
It appears that this is the case with the OP.
I really don't see why they should pay £55 for a +1 to go to the wedding.
The OP has been - imho - very fair in telling her friend that she doesn't need to feel awkward and alone at the wedding.
Her +1 can attend but it will cost her (or them) £55.00. Not the bride and groom.
Not unreasonable, imho.

warby68

Pollycat wrote: »

What?
Random partners that may change numerous times from the planning stage to the ceremony?

The bride and groom decide how they want the day to go.
Not some random friend who wants to bring a bloke who may be history by next week.

I wouldn't invite a 'random' friend in the first place, only someone who I was pretty fond of, in which case I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable on their own, even if this meant the +1 was random to me.

I don't buy the school of thought that says its your wedding, everything should be about you and your wishes/preference/budget.
I wanted a happy day with happy,comfortable guests far above a specific budget of meal.

If your circle is happy with solo invites, fair enough but not everyone is.

NeilCr

In my "single" days I had a very close female friend who I used to socialise with (she's still a good friend although we live further apart now). She didn't have a steady relationship either (a few flings!)

We acted as each other's +1s for a number of dos - including a couple of weddings. It worked fine and gave each of us some company when most of the other guests were couples already.

I am with warby68 - if I was getting married again (God forbid) I'd want everyone to feel comfortable (I've been an on my own guest and it wasn't much fun) so would extend a +1 to everyone attending. But, as warby68 also says, I wouldn't t be asking "random friends" - only people I know well and am close to.

I have never thought of +1s being restricted only to a partner. It certainly worked well with me and my friend. Being on your own at a do when there are a lot of couples can be a bit difficult and it's nice to have a familiar face to look for

suki1964

We paid for our daughters wedding when we found out they were intending on paying for it through the cash gifts they were expecting to receive :eek::eek::eek:

I was mortified. Seriously they were working on the assumption that each couple would be gifting £100 which would pay for the meals :eek:

It seems its common place amongst her peers, they offset the cost of the meal from expected cash gifts. Every time they go to a wedding ( and their age group its a good few a year) they have to rustle up £100 cash gift as well as the new frock etc and they know the cash is basically paying for their meal

Pollycat

warby68 wrote: »

I wouldn't invite a 'random' friend in the first place, only someone who I was pretty fond of, in which case I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable on their own, even if this meant the +1 was random to me.

I don't buy the school of thought that says its your wedding, everything should be about you and your wishes/preference/budget.
I wanted a happy day with happy,comfortable guests far above a specific budget of meal.

You "don't buy the school of thought that says its your wedding, everything should be about you and your wishes/preference/budget."
but the OP has a budget.

The issue here isn't whether this friend can bring a +1.
It's not about the friend feeling uncomfortable on her own.
She doesn't have to be on her own.
It's who should pay for the meal.

I think it perfectly reasonable to allow a +1 with the cost being on the uninvited guest.
This may be the tip of the iceberg.
If the OP pays for this +1 she may end up with a 'you've let Jane bring her bloke and you've only met him once but you've not invited my partner and you know him' scenario.

It's not really relevant how you think it should be done or how you did it or would do it.
The OP has a budget.
The OP has invited who she (and presumably the groom) want to invite within their budget.

warby68 wrote: »

If your circle is happy with solo invites, fair enough but not everyone is.

In my circle, I'm more likely to be invited to a funeral than a wedding. :rotfl:

Pollycat

NeilCr wrote: »

In my "single" days I had a very close female friend who I used to socialise with (she's still a good friend although we live further apart now). She didn't have a steady relationship either (a few flings!)

We acted as each other's +1s for a number of dos - including a couple of weddings. It worked fine and gave each of us some company when most of the other guests were couples already.

I am with warby68 - if I was getting married again (God forbid) I'd want everyone to feel comfortable (I've been an on my own guest and it wasn't much fun) so would extend a +1 to everyone attending. But, as warby68 also says, I wouldn't t be asking "random friends" - only people I know well and am close to.

I have never thought of +1s being restricted only to a partner. It certainly worked well with me and my friend. Being on your own at a do when there are a lot of couples can be a bit difficult and it's nice to have a familiar face to look for

Re bib:
and that's fine if the invite states +1.
This doesn't.

warby68

Runningfast wrote: »

Im going to a wedding next month on my own. There is no issue with it what so ever and happy to go. Apart from he bride and groom I know no one there.

The wedding has a max guest list of 50 they are only having an evening no day event (marriage, meals, speeches straight in to night) the 50 guests are the guests etc. Why should I get to take a plus one when I'm not paying the meal costs etc. If I take a plus one that is basically a family member or someone who is closer to the couple missing out.

The wedding is their choice and they are paying for it. As there mate it is for me to accept the terms or not. My friendship with them means more than me demanding to take a plus one etc.

In this case the friend should just accept that the guest list is the guest list and no push to take her bf etc. If everyone did it then the couple don't get the wedding they want. Its their day, they are paying for it!!

I actually agree with you too. If this is the style of wedding which has been decided, the guest should accept the invitation as offered or decline it and the bride and groom should be gracious either way. Its rude to ask for more although not quite as rude as the one's who bring someone anyway regardless!

I just wouldn't do it that way in the first place.