Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay for her boyfriend to come to my wedding in 2021?

annabethsar

Hello,


So I'm tieing the knot in 2021 and I have a tight guest list of 48 people - 50 in total inc us the bride and groom who I can invite then its 55pp a head to come for the meal and wedding. I am paying for a package wedding. So I have sent out ''save the date '' cards. And one of my friends have come back and asked if she can bring her partner. Who I have only met once and barely know, and she a very flaky person - this is her 2nd relationship in a year... so as you can imagine I said I don't know yet, then gave her the ultimatum of paying the 55pp to me for her boyfriend to come. Which I personally don't think is unreasonable as seeing I don't know him and I don't know if they are even going to be together in 2021... I know she doesn't want to attend my wedding alone which I get, but now she saying she not sure if she wants to come as I am making her pay. What are you thoughts on the matter? Should I tell her that's that and if she doesn't want to come fine? Or should I pay for her boyfriend?


Thanks
Anna

74jax

When do you need to give numbers? It's seems so early. I wouldn't know either for certain about a date over 12 months away.

Id wait until you need to give final numbers then discuss again.

flanker6

Stick to your guns . . . she needs to pay if she is bringing along an extra guest.
So many people go into massive debt - or draw serious funds from the bank of mum and dad - to fund a lavish wedding.
If you've chosen the more sensible option, guests need to respect that you are working to a budget.

Pollycat

annabethsar wrote: »

Hello,


So I'm tieing the knot in 2021 and I have a tight guest list of 48 people - 50 in total inc us the bride and groom who I can invite then its 55pp a head to come for the meal and wedding. I am paying for a package wedding. So I have sent out ''save the date '' cards. And one of my friends have come back and asked if she can bring her partner. Who I have only met once and barely know, and she a very flaky person - this is her 2nd relationship in a year... so as you can imagine I said I don't know yet, then gave her the ultimatum of paying the 55pp to me for her boyfriend to come. Which I personally don't think is unreasonable as seeing I don't know him and I don't know if they are even going to be together in 2021... I know she doesn't want to attend my wedding alone which I get, but now she saying she not sure if she wants to come as I am making her pay. What are you thoughts on the matter? Should I tell her that's that and if she doesn't want to come fine? Or should I pay for her boyfriend?


Thanks
Anna

You're not making her pay.
You've invited her as part of the 50 person guest list.
You're asking her to pay for a person you've never met who she wants to bring.

Personally, I'd go with 74jax's suggestion and just ask her to 'save the date'.
But leave her in no doubt that if she does want to bring a +1 (whether it will be same bloke or not), it will cost £55.00.

What will you do if all your friends come back and say the same thing?
Your budget will spiral out of control.

Not to mention you may have some miffed friends because you've let one friend bring a +1 at no cost to them.

Stick to your guns.
If she's a good friend, she should understand.
If she doesn't understand, question how good a friend she really is.

silvercar

I've never heard of asking people to pay to bring someone to a wedding.

Sea_Shell

Is she the only "single" guest? Have all the others been invited as "couples"?

Personally, I wouldn't like to attend a wedding without a plus 1, even if that mean going with my sister or another friend, unless I knew lots of other guests.

Gavin83

I actually think you've complicated matters by offering to allow the guest if she pays. You'd have been better off saying the invite is for her only, no +1.

I did a similar thing at my wedding which was the same size as yours. We specifically named our guests and didn't allow people to bring partners unless we knew them. Only one friend really got upset by it, causing us to fall out, although we're OK again now. I certainly don't regret my decision though.

We didn't have kids either. Best decision I've ever made.

spadoosh

It looks like youre both putting a value on your friendship of £55.

If im calling someone a friend, theyre worth more than £55 to me. If im not willing to lose out on £55 for someone, then theyre not a friend.

PasturesNew

I think it's cheeky. Everybody knows wedding meals are expensive ... and, as you say, she might not even be with him on that date. It's also the thin end of the wedge. If somebody else hears about it they'll all be putting requests in .... then changing partners/falling out and faffing you about.

In any case, I doubt most blokes would choose/want to go to a wedding of their gf's friend. Where they have to dress up and make small talk with strangers all day, on best behaviour.

Stick to your guns. YOUR wedding, your choice.

NeilCr

PasturesNew wrote: »

In any case, I doubt most blokes would choose/want to go to a wedding of their gf's friend. Where they have to dress up and make small talk with strangers all day, on best behaviour.

.

Possibly

But if my partner wanted me to go I sure as hell would. And I'd say that's true of the guys I know who are in relationships

In terms of the dilemma I agree with 74jax and others that there is plenty of time left yet - especially as she is "flaky with relationships". You are just sending out the save the date cards and, who knows, some of your 48 might/may not be able to make the wedding.

sheramber

I don't think you need to consider this until invitations are going out.

There may some people who cannot come so you may be able to accommodate a plus 1 without any extra charge.