Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay for her boyfriend to come to my wedding in 2021?

Pollycat

warby68 wrote: »

I might be old fashioned or something but I wouldn't invite people without their partner even if I didn't know the partner. Almost everyone I can think of offhand wouldn't want to go to an event solo. There might be a case for a table of friends or colleagues if they all know each other and know they're a group.

If I couldn't afford it I'd change the style of the wedding.

Forcing people into uncomfortable situations to meet your tight wedding budget is not going to be easy.

As for charging, it seems tacky and opens a can of worms with other guests.Never heard of anyone paying for extra guests for anything.

I'd say save the date for now and you will see if you can accommodate a partner nearer the time and you understand if she would be uncomfortable if you can't and as a result decline.

Why on earth would you change the style of your wedding to suit some random friend who wants to bring a bloke who you don't know?

SuperPikachu

I thought the "normal" thing was to just invite a person to the evening part in these situations.

74jax

michelle09 wrote: »

I actually did this - two of my husband's friends turned up with uninvited partners. Was really unimpressed (who turns up uninvited?) but just directed them to the organiser and told them that they could pick up any additional costs if they wanted to stay.

We had similar too. We had a small wedding and someone asked if they could bring their kids (I guess at least they asked rather than turn up) I said no, she asked why as she knew others kids were going.... 🤣.

We were lucky as it was relatively small I was comfortable talking to everyone who asked about stuff and never felt pressured. We only had those we were close too.

I used to work in an office of me and 3 other girls. I invited the 2 and the one I didn't invite actually asked why..... I said 'because you don't like me and talk about me behind my back'..... People think ooooo wedding, free meal, I'm sure.

warby68

Pollycat wrote: »

Why on earth would you change the style of your wedding to suit some random friend who wants to bring a bloke who you don't know?

I wouldn't, specifically - more generally I'd have a wedding (and did) that meant people who wanted to bring partners could ie at the early planning stage.

Kim_kim

SuperPikachu wrote: »

I thought the "normal" thing was to just invite a person to the evening part in these situations.

That’s exactly what I would say.

Flix21

I think you're being perfectly reasonable OP.
People seem to forget that weddings are very expensive, and if you bend for one friend/family member then you may be expected to for all.


I'd been invited to a friends wedding whereby only I was on the invitation. I asked my friend if my partner was invited too. She said unfortunately not due to an already large guest list and she'd never met him. I said I understood and it was no problem! I still went to the wedding (funnily enough they're now divorced and i'm still with my partner - unmarried - but that's by the by!)
I've been a bridesmaid twice - both times my partner was invited. Both bought the dresses - one paid for hair and makeup, the other said pay yourself or do your own.


Everyone's budget is different and people need to respect that.
So long as if in the future when she gets married, you respect that she may not invite your husband.

Pollycat

warby68 wrote: »

I wouldn't, specifically - more generally I'd have a wedding (and did) that meant people who wanted to bring partners could ie at the early planning stage.

What?
Random partners that may change numerous times from the planning stage to the ceremony?

The bride and groom decide how they want the day to go.
Not some random friend who wants to bring a bloke who may be history by next week.

onwards&upwards

Pollycat wrote: »

What?
Random partners that may change numerous times from the planning stage to the ceremony?

The bride and groom decide how they want the day to go.
Not some random friend who wants to bring a bloke who may be history by next week.

I do think it’s better if you can give single guests a plus one, unless like someone said above they fit into a group like ‘workmates’ or ‘lads from football’ so you know they will have company/feel relaxed.

If you aren’t bothered about your guests feeling comfortable and having a good time, why are even inviting them in the first place?

Pollycat

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I do think it’s better if you can give single guests a plus one, unless like someone said above they fit into a group like ‘workmates’ or ‘lads from football’ so you know they will have company/feel relaxed.

If you aren’t bothered about your guests feeling comfortable and having a good time, why are even inviting them in the first place?

Because they are your friends...?
Not some random +1.

At the end of the day, it's up the bride and groom to decide how their wedding is organised and who they invite.
If you don't like it, decline the invitation.

It doesn't sound like the OP has spare space for workmates and 'lads from football'.
And that's entirely their decision.

lena_halo

Can you not just suggest he joins her at the evening reception?