Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

beanielou

Not meaning to sound trite but if you can’t meet the deadline then you can’t. 

I don’t think you give yourself credit for what you do. 

WabbitWabbit

I don't understand why you have committed yourself to so much work, paid or unpaid.
You have two very young children to parent and your granddaughter who is needing help and guidance especially with her school work and mental health.
Who is looking after the two boys and your granddaughter while you are working such long hours?  Before you started this mammoth sewing task you were tired and not getting enough sleep, but now?
I was shocked to read that you were paying  for your son's car repairs and insurance, great that you have put a stop to that.. Where does all the money that you spend on your son come from? Since living with you he has paid nothing towards his children's expenses, nothing towards the utility bills, nothing towards food costs, yet you buy him a camper van.
I doubt very much that he has paid any of his debts off and that when working or on furlough he has just spent it all on himself. 

I know everyone will say here we go again...   Not everyone agrees  with you and as this is an open forum 
 

thorsoak

If you read the thread again, you will see that no, Ss has not paid for his car repairs - and he has been added to her car insurance only because she is not able to drive at this time.   She did not buy him the camper van - she bought it with the intention of being able to use it for cheap holidays once the lockdown is over. 
Have you ever heard of the saying "if you can't say nowt encouraging, say nowt"?      

WabbitWabbit

If you read my post correctly I said she was paying for his repairs and insurance and had now decided not to do that anymore. The camper van does not even run and am sure it will be a large expense to make it roadworthy, if it was a simple cheap repair the previous owner would have done that themselves 
This is an open forum and it is ridiculous for everyone to agree with what is being said and I am entitled to have and state my views. The same people fawn over her posts saying how wonderful things are but I do not think the are. The children she parents should be her top priority, not sewing masks or scrubs and nobody would expect her to as she has three children.
I also think her son is not following CV guidelines as he seems to go out whenever he feel likes it, being in his g/f's home and then back home is not safe for SS and her children.

thorsoak

So, WabbitWabbit - did your son repay the remainder of the £14,000 that you loaned to him in 2012?   

WabbitWabbit

Yes...my post from 2012 said that I had loaned my son £14,000 for a Masters Degree at LSE. There were  no student loans for a Masters and I can't remember the exact title of the loan it could have been a career development loan. The loan was just for the fees, not for accommodation or living expenses, it was interest free for the year of study. After the year the interest rate was pretty high and I had the funds to pay that off for him. In that post I did also say that he had already paid me back £5000.00 in the first year. and yes it has all been paid back, he has also paid off all his undergrad student loans.
As far as I am concerned loans for education are good loans, studying for his Masters meant more opportunities and I knew he was capable as he had graduated with a double first with honours.
He now lives and works in London and has just bought a two bedroom apartment in central London.
The loan was money well spent and I never doubted that he would pay me back.

thorsoak

So why castigate Ss for doing what she has done?   You said "And what's so wrong with a parent lending their child money to support their education?"   Your son is, obviously bright, an only child and you are rightly proud of your son .   Ss - withfour children, three with some developmental problems and with less financial stability than you had - has tried to loan her children money to support their education and set them on their own feet.    She has not been as lucky as you with your one child - but  has supported all four of her children beyond her financial means - and that has to be applauded.    Most of us do not always agree with the way in which she has helped her children but who amongst her do not admire her guts, her determination that things WILL get better?    Thats why we support her.   In the ideal world in which you appear live, Ss would be able to wave a magic wand and all would be well.   But this sadly is not an ideal world - and we lesser mortals will continue to have her back.   It doesn't mean we agree with everything that she does - she has to be told time after time that Superwoman is just a cartoon character - but you can't blame her for trying - and God loves a trier! 

WabbitWabbit

My post was about working crazy hours and having three children to care for with two under five with no help.
Yes, I did say that her son pays nothing towards the household and his children. I was shocked that SS was paying for his car insurance and repairs. I do not see how any of this is encouraging education, he is not working and when supermarkets were crying out for help he did not apply for a job. From what I think I have read earlier SS has helped her son financially  to train for various jobs but he has never followed through with any of them. 
Yes, I have one child but I have always been a single parent my ex husband left me pregnant and has never had any contact, which was not my choice. I always put my son first, I did work but just part-time up until he was 13 and was always at home when he left for school and came home. We did have a two week holiday once a year which was saved up for.
The difference regarding me lending my son money for his education is that I knew he would pay me back.
 He was and still is very grateful.

thorsoak

The difference between you and Ss is that you were left with one child;  she was left with four.   The contact with their father has been extremely tenuous.    Your son didn't let you down, her son has.    That is the difference - you have been lucky - there but the grace of God .....

WabbitWabbit

WabbitWabbit said

I don't understand why you have committed yourself to so much work, paid or unpaid.
You have two very young children to parent and your granddaughter who is needing help and guidance especially with her school work and mental health.
Who is looking after the two boys and your granddaughter while you are working such long hours?  Before you started this mammoth sewing task you were tired and not getting enough sleep, but now?
I was shocked to read that you were paying  for your son's car repairs and insurance, great that you have put a stop to that.. Where does all the money that you spend on your son come from? Since living with you he has paid nothing towards his children's expenses, nothing towards the utility bills, nothing towards food costs, yet you buy him a camper van.
I doubt very much that he has paid any of his debts off and that when working or on furlough he has just spent it all on himself. 

I know everyone will say here we go again...   Not everyone agrees  with you and as this is an open forum 
 

I really do not know why you are wanting to compare and discuss things about my son, I made no mention of him until you did by finding a post I made from 2012!  I do not think it is because I am lucky that my son paid me back for his Masters loan but I don't feel I have to explain why.
My original comment was regarding the current situation not things from 8 years ago!