Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

thorsoak

I have a friend who has (almost) as troubled a life as yours - and it appears that in her oldest daughter's class at school (she is in year 2 of secondary school, but I'm not sure what year that is) there are four girls who have announced that they are "transgender" and friend is very much of the opinion that her daughter, at least, is following the trend, just to belong to a group.   Her periods started just before she left primary school and she is maturing physically, whilst all the boys in her age group are still  only just beginning to enter puberty.    

pollyanna_26

Another thought. Not clear if Twin2 plans to return to BF or find somewhere hopefully other than with the family from hell yet again.

If she is currently claiming HB,CTR or any means tested benefits and doesn't intend to get back on the train she needs to contact the relevent departments to inform them.

Unless it was no longer safe for her to remain where she was with evidence to support that she's opening herself up to being  judged to have made herself homeless and not informing the relevent departments of a change in circumstances.

Stay strong Ss and don't attempt to sort out these extra issues yet again. You, your mum and the GC under your roof have to be your focus. Nothing wrong with a listening ear for Biggest but other than that no more .

I've said over the years the Chain of Dependancy needs to be broken. Concentrate on those I've mentioned and the others will need to find their way one way or another. Otherwise it will be a constant merry go round of same old same old.

pollyx 

Savvy_sewing

Good evening!
 I slept for a couple of hours while DS sort of kept an eye on the children. I had definitely needed it.
 I agree that I will not take on any new work, and change my modem operator moving forward.
 I am exasperated with DS and agree with what you are saying, I have asked him to look for work and to think about how to move on. I made him SORN his car as I cannot pay for the repairs or the insurance for this year. I was cross with him for leaving it so late to even get quotes which were rediculous at £6,000 when the car is not worth £500
so unfortunately I have added him on to mine, as I am still struggling to drive. 

It is my DGD who lives with me that is querying her gender etc. I suppose what will be will be, but it is her issues in her self that worry me, not her sexuality.
Twin2 is FaceTiming me, but not visiting here. She needs to isolate ( be it with family from hell ) for  7 days is it? After traveling on Public transport? I am not sure to be honest. I agree that I don't have the space, energy or funds to support her.
Biggests Hubby new very well that she needed to work to deal with his debts etc and to try to sort out their credit ratings. I suppose when he used to work away the cracks didn't show, but now obviously with lockdown it has been more difficult to hide.
He isn't hanging about though he is already packing up his stuff and moving it to a garage he rents. 

The estate agent says Biggest will need a guarantor who earns 3x the value of the rent, she will need him to sign an agreement that the deposit can be transferred to her as well, before the tenancy can be changed.
well I don't earn £36,000 a year so that rules me out.
 I have suggested that she approaches the Housing Officers with her dilemma and see if she can get on a waiting list for  social housing, but I think Eager Elephant will probably tell me that she would have to be evicted before they would accept her but I am not sure anymore.
What ever happens there is little I can do except tea and sympathy.
dgs2 didn't sleep today, and against my advice DS missed his bath and has gone and put him to bed while I have been one finger typing this. 

When Dgs1 goes to bed I think I will have a nice hot bath and an early night.
 I already do the majority of the jobs before school or just after I get back from the school walk.
 I have a new daily planner for the housework on the fridge to keep me focused.
 I didn't use my planner this last week, and hardly used it the week before so I need to get back into the routine of order and priorities etc. 

LadyHarris

SS may i suggest you have a fixed date for DS leaving and every week on the planner have a countdown so he is fully aware as he has said that this is the only way he can do things  but you must stick to your guns. I could quite cheerfully have told him to get his stuff and go over the car business again you are left with no option but to bail him out sorry it needs to stop he is a selfish little boy in a mans body sorry thats not aimed at you but i feel your frustration as for biggest i am afraid she may well have to be evicted before any chance of being rehoused such a shame but sounds like another man child anyway enjoy your soak and a quiet 5 minutes to yourself x

elisamoose

Is DGD querying her sexuality or gender? Very different consequences / approach needed

tooldle

Can Biggest get anywhere near that figure with her wages? If she can show she is earning more than minimum wage with guaranteed hours, could the landlord be persuaded to rethink?

pollyanna_26

Well done for getting your son to SORN his car Ss. I do fear putting him on your insurance may not be a good idea. I imagine you have a pretty decent no claims history unlike him. He never maintains a car and has a history of accidents. It will now be costing you more and putting your own car at risk. However too late now. I hope you'll soon be able to go back to just yourself on the insurance.

I hope you din't think I was being offensive re sexuality. I have never had any problem concerning peoples sexuality. In fact I'm glad it's now not regarded as much as it was in the past.Many years ago I read the story of Alan Turing and wept for the gentle and brilliant man who broke the code and helped bring an end to WW2.

I have little expereience of rented property. A year when lovely 1st husband and I married. I became pregnant when there and we were given notice to leave. DH and I returned home he with his mum and dad and myself with my widowed mum and younger siblings. After ds was born we found a large but pretty grotty ground floor flat with dampnes etc. My GP had us out of there within a year and into a new council flat round the corner from my mum. When dd1 was born the folowing year my husband had had a serious hit and run accident on his way home from work so I was moving into a larger 3 bed house wrangling a toddler , newborn and a husband on crutches. I was very grateful for family.

i bought this house much further up the coast in the mid seventies to make sure of our future security.

No idea if Biggests husband earns enough to comply with the earnings needed in this situation but there are two parents involved plus the children . Surely he can't walk away scot free.

CAB are busy but it would be worth Biggest phoning or emailing them about the situation. Contacting a family lawyer about the situation could be an idea. Many will do 30 mins free advice.

I hope you had some peace to have a good soak in the bath. Try not to think ahead about things however difficult. One day at a time is difficult to do but better.

Re Isolating the rules are so unclear and confusing since the PMs statement they're being interpretated in different ways by different people. Twin2 shouldn't have done the train journey but I doubt the family from hell will have followed any rules.. The demand for their type of "work" hasnt diminished just become a bit harder to do. Now thngs have been loosened their earnings will increase.

pollyx

ETa It would probably have been cheaper and less stressful to use a taxi service for school runs etc. I suggest getting him off your insurance as soon as you're ok to drive again.

trix-a-belle

if DSs car is sorned and unlikely to be fixed (which I would think is the case at that level of quotes, Bangernomics: Do not pay more than the value of the car to get it fixed, scrap and find another one with the longest MOT) there is no point it hanging around as you will only have to deal with it later when it inevitably gets left, please get it scrapped now, if its movable it can be driven to the scrap yard rather than paying for a low loader.

gizmo111

CAB are busy but it would be worth Biggest phoning or emailing them about the situation. Contacting a family lawyer about the situation could be an idea. Many will do 30 mins free advice.

Would recommend these if she does need a lawyer.

https://childreninthemiddle.co.uk/

Savvy_sewing

whew, bed time at last.
long day. Sewing masks, and still going to find it difficult to meet the deadline on the masks, as 237 still left to do.
can't keep my eyes open for much longer so time to give up a NBC d rest.