Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

tessie_bear

Savvy please dont leave your girl there xxx bring her and the kids home with you x

Savvy_sewing

tessie_bear said:

Savvy please dont leave your girl there xxx bring her and the kids home with you x

I can only do that if she wants to come.
 I fear that won't be today. She will need to see it like it is before I can or she might feel she's going from one person telling her what to do to another one. 

I need professional advice on this one 

pollyanna_26

fozziebeartoo2 said:

If she can't do it, can you ring Womens Refuge for advice?
At some point in the lock down they were even helping with train fares to help women get away....
Terrible situation for your daughter and it must have been awful for DGD to witness.
Which raises the question, if DGD has witnessed this before, could it explain some of the issues she is having? And why did she not tell you? Could she have been warned not to? That would possibly explain some of her feelings?

This Ss. I'm remembering the times dgd didn't want to go to mums or asked to come home early.

Refuge has a freephone 24 hr helpline.

Womens aid have an onlinee Survivors handbook with lots advice, legal, housing,creating a safe leaving plan etc.

iIt would be worth reading through them.

Not all agencies will speak to you but as Twin1is classed as vulnerable that may make a difference..

I've no idea what the access terms are under the Safeguarding agreement but I would not be sending DGD to see her mum under the present circumstances. It must be possible under your guardianship order to do that.

Something that really bothers me is how much DGD has witnessed over the years with different family members including her uncle and his behaviour leading to worrying the little ones would go from the family as her brothers did.

You referred to her a year or so ago as a young lady. She isn't she's a child and all the tummy aches feeling sick etc and not wanting to go to school seem to be some sort of coping mechanism.

I would read the sites I've mentioned and use the 24 hour helpline.

It's not a good idea as you agree to just scoop up Twin1 and the children and get them out of there.for a number of reasons.

I've no idea if Biggest is working although with no schools open and her husband gone it isn't likely at the moment.

Perhaps if Biggest invited her to hers for a few days before school starts again she can judge her mood. Not pressure her direct but see if she can open up about the situation.

If she can pick her and the children up it would make things easier.

The fact remains Twin ! is a vulnerable adult who struggles in life. It's not long until the schools reopen and both yourself and Biggest will be doing school runs etc.

You need to be a mum who will do what she can but Biggest seems to be the one who can and has at times managed to get through to DS and DGD so worth trying.

Vegantruff. I wasn't comparing Twin1 and Melly . Different situations . Just highlighting how someone can live years in a toxic and destructive situation and how different life can be when they get out and realise they weren't the one to blame.

Refuge also have lots of online advice.

pollyx

onwards&upwards

hb2 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Savvy_sewing said:

Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.

Do you always share a bed with your granddaughter?

Savvy and the GCs are away in Kent at the moment, this is not the normal sleeping arrangement.

Ah, phew!

Savvy_sewing

onwards&upwards said:

hb2 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Savvy_sewing said:

Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.

Do you always share a bed with your granddaughter?

Savvy and the GCs are away in Kent at the moment, this is not the normal sleeping arrangement.

Ah, phew!

Heaven forbid. 

I don't like sharing my bed much. 

Gelda

I don't know what part of Kent she is in, but my friend who was being abused (not physically) and coerced while she had young children, managed to escape the situation by using this organisation when she lived in Canterbury. They were also very good at supporting the children with mental health services.  I can highly recommend it. 
http://www.risingsunkent.com/

Savvy_sewing

Thankyou 
I was searching for the different numbers this morning. Unfortunately she is not ready to leave, and the only thing I can do is call her regularily, give her the information and tell her that if anything gets worse she must call and any one of us will come and get her and the children and see his family in court. 

They did meet up with us for the visit to the castle, and I struggled to bite my tongue for her sake. But I did manage to point out a few of the things that he was saying to her. And ask her if she realised that he was putting her down, or being overbearing etc. 

I can't do much else this weekend.

thorsoak

Encourage Biggest to keep on calling her as well, so that she realises that support is coming from more than just you.xxxx

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak said:

Encourage Biggest to keep on calling her as well, so that she realises that support is coming from more than just you.xxxx

Yes I think we all will.
DS has a new job with Dominoes pizza deliveries. He called this afternoon. Also he is ready to support his sister and will front up if necessary.

Savvy_sewing

So it is time to go home.
Mixed feelings. 

Not looking forward to trying to pack up everything and get it all in the car as I couldn't park very close to the bungalow we are in.
Not particularly happy about the M25
or leaving Twin1 again.
However I am looking forward to my own bed tonight.
To having Wifi. 

To writing my journal as I didn't bring it with me. To sorting out my priorities for the week ahead, and to continue to potter in the garden and get ready for the delivery of my Shed on Saturday and my Sofa is coming on Friday.
 I have a wedding dress to alter on Wednesday when the boys are in holiday club.
then on Friday I am hoping to make myself a new curtains once I see the sofa in situ.  

I have several meetings dotted around the week as well.