Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Savvy_sewing

I didn't sleep very well. DgD is not feeling very well. Started yesterday lunchtime with a tummy ache. But I think most of the problems are her thoughts etc if I am honest. She is now worried about her Mum. Naturally. Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.
dgs2 is being a monster and waking me up every few hours. He appears to be having bad dreams and then won't accept consolation. Asks for juice then throwing it back at me demanding milk, wanting his Wall-E toy, or his blanket, and getting frustrated. They have both been up since 6. O'clock this morning and not being quiet. Jumping on the furniture as boys will do!! So no more sleep for me.
 I have given them the iPhone and the kindle to keep them quieter so they don't disturb the neighbours or dgD.

 I will be as helpful as I can to Twin1, but I cannot see things improving for her unless we can get an outsider in to befriend her and or she confided in her doctors or someone else. I cannot see how much I can do, other than contact her regularily and remind her that she is not alone anymore. 

It looks like my future is going to be one of "carer, agony aunt, fact finder, and services researcher . Too name but a few.
My sewing is definitely going to have to be my therapy not my real work anymore. 

Vegantruff

Your daughter is in an abiusive and controlling relationship. Personally I’d be doing everything to get her out of there ASAP. That doesn’t mean coming to live with you. 

What if the verbal abuse becomes physical. People in her situation don’t need ‘agony aunts.’  They need out. Your daughter is vulnerable. Her BFs family are abusing her as well to the point that she can’t even shower when she wants one. 

She needs help. Now. She’s at risk and so are the children. Because if they are being abusive to her they could be next. 
This girl isn’t in Mellys situation. Melly also has a career yes? She has young children. She also has learning disabilities yes? Which make her far easier to take advantage of and bully. Sorry. But you need to get her out of there ASAP. Biggest was doing the right thing by offering to go and get her in my view 

hb2

Savvy, I'm so sorry that there are more worries heaped on your shoulders ::(

Poor GD, I'm not surprised that has tummy-ache, probably a physical manifestation of her anxiety over her mother's situation. I'm afraid I don't have any wise words about that but Polly's advice is usually sound.

fozziebeartoo2

If she can't do it, can you ring Womens Refuge for advice?
At some point in the lock down they were even helping with train fares to help women get away....
Terrible situation for your daughter and it must have been awful for DGD to witness.
Which raises the question, if DGD has witnessed this before, could it explain some of the issues she is having? And why did she not tell you? Could she have been warned not to? That would possibly explain some of her feelings?

onwards&upwards

Call the duty social worker for where your daughter lives and tell them what is happening and that you are worried for hers and the children's safety. 

onwards&upwards

Savvy_sewing said:

Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.

Do you always share a bed with your granddaughter?

Savvy_sewing

Vegantruff said:

Your daughter is in an abiusive and controlling relationship. Personally I’d be doing everything to get her out of there ASAP. That doesn’t mean coming to live with you. 

What if the verbal abuse becomes physical. People in her situation don’t need ‘agony aunts.’  They need out. Your daughter is vulnerable. Her BFs family are abusing her as well to the point that she can’t even shower when she wants one. 

She needs help. Now. She’s at risk and so are the children. Because if they are being abusive to her they could be next. 
This girl isn’t in Mellys situation. Melly also has a career yes? She has young children. She also has learning disabilities yes? Which make her far easier to take advantage of and bully. Sorry. But you need to get her out of there ASAP. Biggest was doing the right thing by offering to go and get her in my view 

If I could have got her to stay last night I would have. Somehow. And got Biggests help to transport her and the children back in to our area. Unfortunately we will need to make plans on how we do that. Get legal advice, get social services or domestic abuse refuges help. 

Also she has to understand what she is experiencing is not acceptable before she would be brave enough to stand up for herself.
this is going to be a strategic plan not a smash and grab. Although if she wants us to go get her we will. 

hb2

onwards&upwards said:

Savvy_sewing said:

Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.

Do you always share a bed with your granddaughter?

Savvy and the GCs are away in Kent at the moment, this is not the normal sleeping arrangement.

Savvy_sewing

fozziebeartoo2 said:

If she can't do it, can you ring Womens Refuge for advice?
At some point in the lock down they were even helping with train fares to help women get away....
Terrible situation for your daughter and it must have been awful for DGD to witness.
Which raises the question, if DGD has witnessed this before, could it explain some of the issues she is having? And why did she not tell you? Could she have been warned not to? That would possibly explain some of her feelings?

I think you are right. 

I will have to see what information I can find out.

Savvy_sewing

onwards&upwards said:

Savvy_sewing said:

Anyway she was asleep in the bed when it was time for me to sleep, and no real room for me to get in, so I slept on the sofa. Well tried to.

Do you always share a bed with your granddaughter?

No. We are on holiday and there is only two rooms. A double and a twin.
the boys are in the twin.