Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Savvy_sewing

SingleSue said:

Re music, that was the key to balancing middle son's autism, not listening to it but making it. At first it was getting his anger and frustration out on a drum kit but then it was discovered he had a real talent for it, not just drums but as a multi instrumentalist and vocalist. For high school, he even had music practice times built into his statement to keep him on an even keel.

He went on to study music at university...and it is still the thing that keeps him on an even keel.

This is so positive, Thankyou 

SingleSue

Savvy_sewing said:

SingleSue said:

Re music, that was the key to balancing middle son's autism, not listening to it but making it. At first it was getting his anger and frustration out on a drum kit but then it was discovered he had a real talent for it, not just drums but as a multi instrumentalist and vocalist. For high school, he even had music practice times built into his statement to keep him on an even keel.

He went on to study music at university...and it is still the thing that keeps him on an even keel.

This is so positive, Thankyou 

Have to balance that though with the fact it had absolutely no impact on youngest and his autism, his 'key' was computer games, Minecraft in particular. He too has gone on to university to study the thing that brought him into this world (he was a closed down, locked off, non verbal autistic who had some pretty spectacular meltdowns when the real world encroached on his locked down world), he is just about to start his Masters year in computer science specialising in AI,VR and AR.

Savvy_sewing

The boys went for the ride with their old Foster Dad and his daughter, and I got to relax and chat with the Mum in the garden over a glass of non alcoholic Pims. When they got back from the train we had a picnic lunch in the garden and sat chatting for hours.
They complemented me on how much better behaved they were, their manners and the vocabulary of both of them. 

It was lovely to talk with them, and when Dgs1 saw them he ran straight to the fella, calling his name and hugged him so much. It was a really good day. 

The boys both fell asleep in the car before I had gone 5 minutes.
 I detoured to drop off my Mums Crisps for her and then came home.
they loved the train and came home with something each from the shop.
 I felt very spoilt having someone making lunch ( although I did help make some sandwiches and chop some veg.), but it was lovely.
 The boys behaved well. Apparently there was one little scene, but of course nothing that phased them, and it didn't ruin the day. 

beanielou

So glad that you have all had such a lovely day 

hb2

It's great that you had such a good day - and that you saw someone who can attest to how much the boys have improved. It's easy to overlook that when you are dealing with yet-another meltdown!

Choccymoose_2

Hi SS, have you considered trying a visual time table and now and next board with the boys? The schools I support in use them to great effect with some children in the spectrum. 
You can also involve the children in planning their days with it. On the time table once an activity is done, it gets removed. With the now and next you have 2 things on there so for example Now we are going to play on the trampoline (picture of trampoline)  next we will have tea. ( picture of food or similar) once trampoline done, picture is removed, tea moves to now and then you add a next. 
Quite easy to make and give a visual back up to your words. 
I also think you may like to read a Facebook blog by a friend of mine. Silenced by my child, destroyed by local services.  It really the story of how her son has been let down in a similar way to what's been happening with you. She has some interesting posts on there and the history goes back nearly 20 years. 

Savvy_sewing

Worth a try.
 I will see if I can find her posts. Thankyou 

Molly41

Moo - your influence on the boys is now showing xx

Savvy_sewing

It was quite late before Dgs1 went to bed, nearly 9.30 as I had a phone call from my friend and then DGd wanted something. But after a quick revisit to the loo he went to bed and slept until 7 this morning.
dgs2 went to bed around 7.45 after a cool bath, and actually went with squash in his bottle rather than milk. ( a first) and woke at 2.45 and wanted "juice" and not milk. Then slept until 7. 

We are watching Astro Boy on the TV. A distraction from wanting gadgets.
 I am learning not to rise to dgs1's attempts to go off the rails if he doesn't get what he wants. I keep calm and distract. 

When he hurts himself I say that was a rather silly thing to do, give him a quick cuddle ( if he's not lashing out), and then carry on normally. 

We have a day at home today. Then tomorrow it's one of my other grandchildren's 5th Birthday so we are going to spend a good chunk of the day with them.
Wednesday is Holiday club and then time after with Daddy.
on Friday it's holiday club and then we leave for Kent. Saturday Twin1 and her children are going to visit for the day. Sunday were going to visit a castle and Monday we come home again.
So the talks about what we are going to do in the time ahead has started.
 I am feeling much more in control of myself, and therefore the situation and I am beginning to get used to not having work as my main focus. Although I do have a Wedding fitting tomorrow. But I may pass the work to my other seamstress depending on what is required.
More and more I am leaning towards using my sewing as my own therapeutic strategies and less as a business. I am going to restart lessons when social distancing is eventually behind us. I am looking into how to teach others to do alterations as it is a skill very different from making. 

Time for my breakfast.
Then household jobs. 

Have a good day everyone. 

Savvy_sewing

Molly41 said:

Moo - your influence on the boys is now showing xx

Thanks Molly41, I hope so.
 I would just love a slightly easier ride. X