Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

*Robin*

Savvy_sewing said:

thorsoak said:

Distraction is the name of the game - and what works one time might not work the next - you just have to play along with them xxx

I realise that it may only work for a short while but I am greatful for anything I can get.

Savvy, I bet you could make something like this for DGS1:
https://www.autismcommunitystore.com/snuggle-swing-navy
A safe place he can retreat to any time he feels frustrated..   an alternative to hitting out. 
Deciding where to hang it could be interesting - do you have a suitably out-of-the-way doorway or might a covered porch right next to the house work better? 
Rx 

JIL

 Just an observation, hope you dont mind.
Watching the A word, Joe responds to music, he is always seen putting on  his headphones when he is feeling stress and wants to escape from the world. Just picking up on the boys asking you to sing to them.  Is music therapy worth looking into?
https://www.bamt.org

hb2

Savvy, isn't it wonderful what a good sleep can do? It's great that you are managing to use humour to distract - whilst also being mentally flexible enough to know that you might have to change tactics at any time. 

I was interested in the snuggle/swing/thing as I saw one of the TV nannies giving children a safe place to go and have a tantrum - to let them know that being angry is OK, but some angry behaviour isn't.

Polly, I'm sorry that your sciatica is bad at the moment I'm struggling because my surgery are obeying the dictat to remove opioid analgesia without putting anything else in its place. Pain clinic has no appointments to offer for the foreseeable future

pollyanna_26

JIL said:

 Just an observation, hope you dont mind.
Watching the A word, Joe responds to music, he is always seen putting on  his headphones when he is feeling stress and wants to escape from the world. Just picking up on the boys asking you to sing to them.  Is music therapy worth looking into?
https://www.bamt.o.

This is one of the reasons I've been mentioning the A Word. Little Joes family aren't experts so a coping routine develops bit by bit.

The writer of the series knows the difficulties from expereince . The earphones, the way Joes teachier lies on the floor at hometime with him begin to tune into his world.. Joe has good taste in his musical choice including Oasis.

You might find trying him with a pair of small headphones if there's a pair in the house  could be worth a try if he can choose the music.

pollyx

Savvy_sewing

*Robin* said:

Savvy_sewing said:

thorsoak said:

Distraction is the name of the game - and what works one time might not work the next - you just have to play along with them xxx

I realise that it may only work for a short while but I am greatful for anything I can get.

Savvy, I bet you could make something like this for DGS1:
https://www.autismcommunitystore.com/snuggle-swing-navy
A safe place he can retreat to any time he feels frustrated..   an alternative to hitting out. 
Deciding where to hang it could be interesting - do you have a suitably out-of-the-way doorway or might a covered porch right next to the house work better? 
Rx 

Funnily enough I am waiting for a swinging net to arrive, but working out if adding it to the garden swing or a door frame would work.

Savvy_sewing

JIL said:

 Just an observation, hope you dont mind.
Watching the A word, Joe responds to music, he is always seen putting on  his headphones when he is feeling stress and wants to escape from the world. Just picking up on the boys asking you to sing to them.  Is music therapy worth looking into?
https://www.bamt.org

I will look into it and on my next call ask if there is anything near here that we can access.
Headphones may be a way forward as well, although he had some but ruined them. I am thinking I need to buy a musical cot toy, and one of those Clocks that tell them its bedtime etc
I will have a browse this evening.
They are in their way back from visiting other family so it's about to get full on busy. 

thorsoak

A thought occurs to me, Ss - and apologies if its one that you've had and dealt with already - do you think that Mum might be saying "you'll soon be back living with your mummy"?????   That might be enough to unsettle them and cause some of the bad behaviour.  So you saying that they will always live with you is reassuring to them.

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak said:

A thought occurs to me, Ss - and apologies if its one that you've had and dealt with already - do you think that Mum might be saying "you'll soon be back living with your mummy"?????   That might be enough to unsettle them and cause some of the bad behaviour.  So you saying that they will always live with you is reassuring to them.

I don't think she is.
 I think her family understands that that is not happening.
the granny is frustrated that her daughter only officially gets 2 hours a week contact and my Son can have unlimited unsupervised access. But I cannot explain to her how abusive etc her daughter was. I just say I am following the court order as best as I can, but trying to be flexible with the needs of everyone. As long as the boys come first.
it is a difficult thing. Dgs1 asked for some 1-1 time with his Mum apparently, so they played at a little distance from Nanny and his brother today for a short while. But Nanny could monitor them. Nanny tells me what is going on, we are getting along fine really and she has offered to have them if I need a break. Although she finds them a handful if she's on her own with them and admits that she doesn't know how I do it on my own. 

There is family support for her when she has them. 

We will see how things happen.
dgs2 has come back down stairs while I have tapped this out! 

So much for the boys being tired!
oh well.
Tomorrow we are going to visit the Foster Family that has them, have a ride on a steam train and a picnic.
 I have mixed feelings about how DGs1 will react, but until we try I don't know.
Time to get these lads back up the stairs!

beanielou

Enjoy the steam train

SingleSue

Re music, that was the key to balancing middle son's autism, not listening to it but making it. At first it was getting his anger and frustration out on a drum kit but then it was discovered he had a real talent for it, not just drums but as a multi instrumentalist and vocalist. For high school, he even had music practice times built into his statement to keep him on an even keel.

He went on to study music at university...and it is still the thing that keeps him on an even keel.