Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

-taff

Sleep is one part of it. Aches and pains, arthritis, moody teens etc. You have said he has made you a bit black and blue and he's young now. If those issues can't be resolved, then as you get frailer, they'll be worse. I was also thinking that if something were to happen to you and then the boys were left alone, what would happen to them then? I'm just being doom and gloom today I think.

I do aplaud you for actually stepping up to the plate in terms of tryng to learn about what you can do to genuinely help them and not just providing a roof over their heads.

Savvy_sewing

This year I am aiming to work on my fitness more for exactly those reasons.
general old age and health issues were considered at the start. I had to have a very thorough health check.

what if any parent dies? 

I can't what if I die. I am obviously going to die and they will be young in comparison to some other children. But I am not dead yet.
If I do go early than the LA will have to consider the situation. It is not something that I can foolproof.

Savvy_sewing

Boys gone to DS and his Gf until 10am
Dgd actually ventured out with a friend for a walk.
 I have bought a bottle of wine. Chocolate, and have plans to put my feet up tonight.
 I was babysitting Biggest's earlier today and before that painting my workshop. So it's me time now. 

WabbitWabbit

Thank you for sharing the video, I have always known that none of this is your fault. It is going to be a hard road that you will be travelling but with firm boundaries and unconditional love will help you all. I would as I am sure you are taking all offers of help by professional services and if you are not then you should demand them.
I have thought about you working and I know how much you enjoy it but with all your demands you may have to sew for pleasure and for your own therapy. When you are having respite from the boys I would suggest sewing as your therapy but with no dead lines so that is enjoyable and not a chore.
If you are entitled to financial help then take that help, you have enough to worry and nobody is going to pat you on the back for not taking the financial help.

I do have to say one thing that is troubling me... The boys problems are from their early years which was caused by both parents. Your son has shown you when living with you that he did not have the skills to care for the boys, xbox games, falling asleep etc. 
How is he now going to be a better parent in the space of a couple of weeks compared to how he has been. You are doing all you can to help the boys but I worry that will ruined if you son is not able to parent. Your son may not be with his g/f forever, what happens if they break up, will you still allow the boys to have an overnight visit?

hb2

I think that contact with both parents has been mandated by the court. If that is so, then Savvy has to allow it.

JIL

I take my hat off to you ss, I'm relieved that my parenting days are over. I dont know where you find the energy and stamina to cope with everything that life throws at you.  Just want to wish you all the very best.

Savvy_sewing

Thanks for the comments.
I have an Allowance for each of the three children that is means tested annually. So I produce my accounts for them.
DS's GF is a sensible parent and I trust that she will not allow DS to play Xbox etc while he has the children in their care.
 I don't have that crystal ball, she I don't know if they will stay together or not. I didn't know until end of June that my daughters marriage and 8 year relationship was going to suddenly end.
Or twin2 was going to get a backbone and make her BF leave after 6 years.
 I will be talking with the Post Adoption team, and anyone who it takes to fight for the help we as a family will need going forward. That includes the support Dgd is crying out for.
reference work, it is going to be different moving forward, as the injury to my hand had certainly made me realise.
Theraputic sewing is definitely the most realistic option. I would like to teach again. But that will depend on a lot of things. Including time, space, energy, etc
Idont want to stop working or I will loose my taxcredits and if I have to change to universal credit I will have to job seek as well. That would be futile as I will not be an ideal candidate for any employer because of the school calls at any moment to collect DGS or my Mums need to change the batteries in her smoke alarm ( as the other day). 

I expect the social will require me to go on parenting courses again ( even though the problem is more pre guardianship).
sostaying self employed is a must as far as I can see at the moment.
as my income is based on my annual turnover and profit etc then taking the summer off is possible as long as I find some income during school term. 

I realise selling my work is not going to be giving me the £30 an hour that sewing alterations can do. But it is not the stress either.
Financially things have always been rather hit and miss being self employed. 

But I am confident that we will be fine. 

Savvy_sewing

Savvy 1- rats 0
just found first dead rat in the clothes drawer under the sofa bed!
Rat in bin, clothes in washing machine.

thorsoak

Savvy_sewing said:

Savvy 1- rats 0:-

Oh bl**dy h*11 !    Not  a nice peaceful tranquil start to your day - but at least it was a dead one!   Hopefully all clothes can be washed & dried and put away again by tonight.     
Edited to add:  If it were me, I know that I would be bleaching/disinfecting - and having to be held back from flame-throwing at the drawer ! :-D

onwards&upwards

Savvy_sewing said:

I expect the social will require me to go on parenting courses again ( even though the problem is more pre guardianship).

I genuinely don't mean this to be cruel, but I do think it needs saying, so I apologise but also don't apologise. 

I think its important that you don't keep believing that the children you are caring for only have issues because of what happened before they came to you.  Yes things improved after they came to you but they still haven't been fantastic.  You have struggled, and you have just been getting through the week a lot of the time, there has still been inconsistency, periods of chaos and sporadic contact with parents etc.  

Also, as regards the parenting classes.  I know you did your best with your adult children as every parent does, but being brutally honest with yourself was there nothing you could have done better that might have meant that the situation as it is now would never have arisen?  Don't you want support and guidance to avoid making the same mistakes again with a new generation?