Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Cairn

I’m aware that it is court ordered. 

What I’m saying is that collectively it is a lot of upheaval for children suffering with change. I know SS needs a well deserved break, but her life might be easier if (for example) a regular pattern of mother’s side, with everything else stable (being at school, having DGD there, sleeping home other nights) Might improve their behaviour. 

  Being away from SS and DGD then straight into travelling and a holiday away from home with aunt and 3 (?) other children is likely to increase bad behaviour due to instability/lack of normal surroundings/people. 

They are only little. 

Cairn

SS cannot control the visitation (is it a regular pattern?) but can control the other times. 

badmemory

I think it an excellent idea to keep a diary, even if it is only to show social workers what you are dealing with.  A time consuming pain, but hopefully it will be useful.

Savvy_sewing

Yes I have a beautiful note book that one of my friends here sent me. 

I am beginning to record things. 

But actually a day to day more detailed is probably a good idea.
it looks like several comments have been removed as I am only seeing them within quotes. 

I am trying to get everyone back on the same page about routines. But obviously since the start of coronavirus it is constantly changing. 

I understand that change affects Dgs1 the most, but also he still needs to be introduced to some new things.
 I will try to get a family chat with the other family and see if they can commit to a more regular routine like we had originally, and then hopefully we can reduce the drama with him. It is going to take time, maybe months even years to have him feel loved and wanted without bad behaviour.
 I am studying all that I can find on the different issues.
I didn't get any bad reports about them at holiday club, they have played in the garden after the drain man finished and they have been in the paddling pool.
 I am just cooking the pasta to go with the left over chicken from last night.
my phone needs to go on charge again. 

Sorry to read that you have been through it missibishi. I am glad that you are now clean etc and can imagine how hard it has been, seeing ds exgf in her worst states and her battles. Life is not all rosy for people. 

Savvy_sewing

Having time without the boys helped me to find headspace yesterday.
Dgs2 was so tired he asked for bed at 5.30pm so I was expecting a disruptive night, but although he woke around 10.30 he went back to sleep and didn't get up until 6 this morning!
dgs1 came close and asked for a hug, and behaved quite well. I had him in bed by 7.30pm
I had a call from the family that Fostered them inviting us for a trip to the steam railway. A place Dgs1 loved to go. So we are going to arrange something in August.
My friend came around for a chat and an offload, so we put the world to rights.
DS and the GF have had a chat and when her children are on a sleepover at her ex's they are going to have the boys on a sleepover on Friday. Bring them back at 10am on Saturday. So that is a step in the right direction and if we can make it a regular thing say every 4 weeks and I can also get the other family to do it every 4 weeks it might be workable. So for eg. Week 1 with Dad
week 2 with me
week3 with other family 
week 4 with me.
 I will be discussing this with all parties over the weekend.
It would be good for the boys to know something is regular and it will give me time to do something with dgd and regular respite. 

I am currently reading a book on communicating with your teenager which is very interesting and I will try to practice the suggestions moving forward and see if I can find a better way to get through to dGD. 

Time to clear away breakfast and get moving.

24ta

This sounds like a good plan for everyone. Take care

thorsoak

Sounds good - will DS and GF adhere to the limitations you are putting on the boys about electronic gadgets?    if they can follow your regime as closely as possible, it will help keep the same sort of pattern to their lives.   I appreciate you cannot do anything about the other granny's routines, apart from ask that they try and keep it close to yours.     
You will get 2 weekends a month with just you and DGD which is equally important.

Savvy_sewing

The other family have already agreed to only have the Nintendo players. So that's a start.

beanielou

That sounds like a good plan.
I hope that it all works out well.

thorsoak

Savvy_sewing said:

The other family have already agreed to only have the Nintendo players. So that's a start.

That's good - so much better if you can all work together xxx  Better for you and, in the long term better for Dgs1 (and, hopefully DS).