Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

-taff

It would be nice to think that love conquers all but it doesn't. It's certainly not conquered your son. I think if you are not getting the help for the boys that the boys need [ and it may take some time to figure that out]  it might be time to think of alternative measures. There's no shame in saying I can't cope, you are allowed.

beanielou

So what was the intervention team saying then when they were there.
Good that they saw the boys at their worst.

beanielou

Now on the last page.
So no help from intervention team.
What a waste of time.
What does it take for them to do anything to help? 

LadyHarris

beanielou said:

Now on the last page.
So no help from intervention team.
What a waste of time.
What does it take for them to do anything to help? 

What do you want them to do take them away  today? The wheels of child mental health teams turn slowly they have to . This situation is fast becoming out of control they are again given to a parent who picks them up and drops them on a  whim and is himself unstable there is very little stability for them you cannot cope for a week with these boys how do you think you will cope for the next 15 years ? The future looks bleak for these 3 children your GD is crying out for attention and you can't give it as the 2 boys are taking all your time and energy she will look for outside attention soon enough and will probably end up in an unpleasant situation as for the boys their future is  looking increasingly depressing . One day these children may seriously hurt you or someone else If you do not put their needs before your own .

beanielou

LadyHarris said:

beanielou said:

Now on the last page.
So no help from intervention team.
What a waste of time.
What does it take for them to do anything to help? 

What do you want them to do take them away  today? The wheels of child mental health teams turn slowly they have to . This situation is fast becoming out of control they are again given to a parent who picks them up and drops them on a  whim and is himself unstable there is very little stability for them you cannot cope for a week with these boys how do you think you will cope for the next 15 years ? The future looks bleak for these 3 children your GD is crying out for attention and you can't give it as the 2 boys are taking all your time and energy she will look for outside attention soon enough and will probably end up in an unpleasant situation as for the boys their future is  looking increasingly depressing . One day these children may seriously hurt you or someone else If you do not put their needs before your own .

No I do not expect them to be taken away today.
However I would expect the intervention team to offer some concrete help to the person looking after them under a court order & more than completing another family tree as I see no benefit in this.

onwards&upwards

Your son’s teenage years were impacted by you being preoccupied with his sisters and their offspring.  Look how that turned out.  Now your granddaughter is in the exact same situation, do you think she will fare better? 

essex123456

I think DS's teenage years were impacted by him not growing up and becoming an independent responsible adult due to M feeling guilty.   Remember the mums mantra SS, this too shall pass, any mum of two small children who aren't sleeping through and acting out would feel exhausted :-)  but if DS isn't supposed to have unsupervised access don't allow that to happen because you are exhausted, could you not sort something out with DGD e.g. she entertains the little ones for a while whilst you get a rest or get on with some jobs? In fact that might help DGD feel more included and begin to understand responsibilities if she has a role.

Artytarty

essex123456 said:

I think DS's teenage years were impacted by him not growing up and becoming an independent responsible adult due to M feeling guilty.   Remember the mums mantra SS, this too shall pass, any mum of two small children who aren't sleeping through and acting out would feel exhausted :-)  but if DS isn't supposed to have unsupervised access don't allow that to happen because you are exhausted, could you not sort something out with DGD e.g. she entertains the little ones for a while whilst you get a rest or get on with some jobs? In fact that might help DGD feel more included and begin to understand responsibilities if she has a role.

I dont think this would be either sustainable or fair on dgd who is, let us not forget, only a child herself.

thorsoak

essex123456 said:

I think DS's teenage years were impacted by him not growing up and becoming an independent responsible adult due to M feeling guilty.   Remember the mums mantra SS, this too shall pass, any mum of two small children who aren't sleeping through and acting out would feel exhausted :-)  but if DS isn't supposed to have unsupervised access don't allow that to happen because you are exhausted, could you not sort something out with DGD e.g. she entertains the little ones for a while whilst you get a rest or get on with some jobs? In fact that might help DGD feel more included and begin to understand responsibilities if she has a role.

DS has proved to be totally unreliable and every time he has the children they come back and play up.   DGD is just coming up for 13, is having her own problems and it is unfair to expect her to do more than keep her room tidy and help with the day to day chores around the house.   To expect her to deal with emotionally disturbed toddlers is to expect far too much from her.

onwards&upwards

The children ‘play up’ wherever they are and whoever they’re with. 

I agree it would be a huge mistake to expect the granddaughter to take responsibility for the small children.  Just another way of reminding her that her wellbeing is always sacrificed for the sake of theirs.