Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

hb2

I go agree that people can get 'tunnel vision' and only see what they expect to. From what I experienced, this was particularly prevalent with medical specialists who could be slow to recognise when something else was going on.

KxMx

I've done that myself, assumed I was in my worst ever flare up, but actually was dangerously anaemic, only found by accident. A GP a week previously had picked up my increased heart rate and said it was anxiety. 
Then when I was recalled back to Hospital for emergency transfusion, by which time apparently my heart rate was "racing", the male A&E Dr dismissed the cause as  "probably your periods" without even taking a history. Being on the mini pill I don't have periods! 

Savvy_sewing

We have come home early.
dgs1 was not brilliant but Dgs2 has learned bad behaviour from watching his brother and he was hitting and biting the others, and bit the baby badly on the arm. 

The stress of intervention all the time was just too much.
 I found myself having to walk around and was crying as so upset over their behaviour and the fact non of us were getting any rest and so I decided to come home and leave biggest and her three to enjoy the last two days.
Not surprisingly DS did not come home to deal with the jobs he promised he was going to do for me.
he didn't wish his Dad a happy anniversary and or me happy Birthday. 

He was too busy with job interviews apparantly. 

I was so upset yesterday with his response to my call and I really felt like disowning him! 

The neighbours tell me he hasn't been about. I told her he hardly ever is these days. She asked why I was home early and I said it was the childrens bad behaviour.  She did say "oh dear what a life he has left you!"
yes what a life.
today I am going to do absolutely nothing else. The car is emptied but the bags are all around the downstairs and I really don't give a dam. When the boys are in bed tonight I am going to bed myself. 

Tomorrow is another day and I will start the clear up process then.
 I am just too depleted today. 

Tescodealqueen

So sorry to hear this. I have kept out of previous discussions but I really hope you can get some help and/or professional advice from somewhere very soon. You will be absolutely worn out. Take care xx

KxMx

I am sorry you didn't get the break you needed, and that DS let you down again. I wish I could say I'm surprised at that but I am not. You really do need to stop counting on him and factoring him in to help because he has let you down so many times. He has proven he puts himself first and can do something when he wants to but not when you need him to. 

At some point you have to say enough is enough for your own sake. He isn't going to change, the change (expectations) needs to come from you otherwise he will continually treat you and his children like this. Leading to nothing but more stress and upset for you. 

You made the great first step in asking him to leave, now make that other step and stop expecting him to put someone else first. 

beanielou

So sorry that things are pretty dire.
I have no idea what to say or suggest.

maddiemay

I just saw your post "at Elaine's" and popped over here to say I am so sorry that things worked out so badly for the holiday. Can't say anything to help, but sending positive and healing vibes in your direction.

hb2

Savvy, I am so sorry that your time away only added to your stress, rather than the opposite

climbthatwallseegar

Echoing other posters and am so sorry this break didn’t turn out as you’d hoped. I’ve followed you for over 10 years now and am constantly in awe at your ability to cope with all that is thrown at you. If DGS2 is copying his brother now there is an even more urgent need to get as much help as possible.  I don’t know if this is viable but would you be able to get any kind of respite via Social Services? I know their maternal GPs are around but it seems staying with them is more of a hinderance than anything else and they return very unsettled. 

Re DS: I understand why people are saying you need to stop factoring him in as a source of help etc but I think at a bare minimum you should expect him to do a few chores. It really rankles with me that he is seemingly able to walk away from his responsibilities and leave you to clear up the mess. I don’t want to turn this into a DS bashing message though. I wanted to add some virtual support although I know that isn’t much help right now. 

thorsoak

I am so sorry that things are reaching this point - life really sucks at times.    I'm looking at worst possible scenarios - for the sake of DGS2 would it become necessary for DGS1 to attend a residential school - if such a thing is still available in your area? x