Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Savvy_sewing

Have you ever tried to stop kids having fun together and making them queue ?I don't think wrapping them in bubble wrap is going to be effective. Considering it's the first bump that made him cry on a trampoline they have been playing on for 16 months it's a gamble that I think I have to make to allow them to be kids.
when we were little we went to the gym for trampoline lessons and we had two of us jumping on a trampoline one up one down etc occasionally we would get out of sync. We had people standing at each side and still occasionally bounced right off. 

We had slides so high that would not be legal now, and rocking horses that were lethal.  Sometimes we just have to take a chance and have some fun.

CRANKY40

If number 2 dgs slept until 7 after a bottle have you tried a dream feed? As you go to bed you give him some milk without properly waking him. It sounds like you'd all benefit from a longer lie in the morning. There are babies who sleep 12 hours without waking - mine wasn't one of them. He woke up at half time for milk until he was three (with plenty of people telling me that he was just being naughty) and stopped by himself once he could take in enough food to keep himself asleep all night.

missbishi

I know where I'd like to administer a kick up the backside...

Savvy_sewing

The access to the other family is in the court order. If I break a court order I could be dragged back into court. I have to wait for the post adoption team and the physiological process before I can legitimately stop contact, and probably still need to apply to the court for a change.
 I am not sure why DS needs a kick up the backside at this precise moment?
 I have joined a Facebook page with other Carers of children with attachment issues and can see that I am not alone in the ways these children are behaving.
dgd is having to be on a waiting list to access the services she needs. Why does she need help? Because she has found puberty to be challenging, she has body issues, the change of her world has been huge. Going from the small school to a huge school has rocked her, then lockdown, and her beliefs that she is gay have all happened this year. It is a tough world for her. She is nearly 13 now.
By the way the boys are 2 and 5 now.
 I broke my hand putting up dgs1's birthday bunting in April. 

Unfortunately I am not able to wave a magic wand and all will be well. I wish I could.
 I am working with all 3 educational institutes and am trying to get access to all the care and assessments they require.
unfortunately it is trying times in the world at the moment. 

KxMx

Savvy's granddaughter was removed from her home and Savvy took her in. She now sees her Mum settled with more children. Then she was reminded of that separation afresh when the DGDs came to live with them, and had her stability changed in having to share Savvy. Plus puberty, plus the change from primary to secondary school, plus the pandemic and lockdown... Really why wouldn't she need MH support! 

NeilCr

As well as the court order there is a balance to be had with a child seeing both parents

In many ways my partner would be happier cutting back on the visits her granddaughter makes to her mother as it can cause issues when she returns. However, she, also, wants her to see her mum - and, if you start stopping them the child can get resentful, too

Tricky one to get right,

onwards&upwards

NatalieSav said:

Why does your grandchild need support for her mh? What age is she? 11? 
As for the grandkids. Please consider limiting contact with the other family. They clearly cannot cope with coming back to you from there. The kids are 2 and 4. They should not be as wild as they are considering they are settled with you. Stop !!!!!! footing around all of this. Your son needs the proverbial kick up the backside. Your grandkids need to be exposed to the least stress possible and if that means being distanced from their other family for a time so be it. They aren’t the people clearing up the tantrums. You are. 

How on earth are you going to cope in a few years when they are 2 and 4 and already going off the rails? 

These children have already been through trauma, do you really think that removing people from their lives who love them and care about them is in their best interests? 

angie_baby

There is no quick fix for this, it is going to take years to help these boys and that's once the services they need actually start to help, which is another battle. Getting a child diagnosed with the right condition takes time too. I really do wish people would remember that if you have nothing nice or actually helpful just do not comment. It really is hard enough dealing with one child that has issues, I cant even imagine 3 with various needs and still having to juggle work, child care, bloody covid 19 on top of it all. Yes it is put out here for the world to read but try to think of walking in that person's shoes, it's not always easy. Hope you have a good week savvy 

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_sewing said:

Have you ever tried to stop kids having fun together and making them queue ?I don't think wrapping them in bubble wrap is going to be effective. Considering it's the first bump that made him cry on a trampoline they have been playing on for 16 months it's a gamble that I think I have to make to allow them to be kids.
when we were little we went to the gym for trampoline lessons and we had two of us jumping on a trampoline one up one down etc occasionally we would get out of sync. We had people standing at each side and still occasionally bounced right off. 

We had slides so high that would not be legal now, and rocking horses that were lethal.  Sometimes we just have to take a chance and have some fun.

If you remember, I have three sons, so yes, I did have to make them take turns, and it seemed to me better that they learned young that it was one person at a time on the trampoline. And no, that wasn't always fun. It's your choice, I'm not judging you for it: I made a factual statement. 

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue said:

Savvy_sewing said:

Have you ever tried to stop kids having fun together and making them queue ?I don't think wrapping them in bubble wrap is going to be effective. Considering it's the first bump that made him cry on a trampoline they have been playing on for 16 months it's a gamble that I think I have to make to allow them to be kids.
when we were little we went to the gym for trampoline lessons and we had two of us jumping on a trampoline one up one down etc occasionally we would get out of sync. We had people standing at each side and still occasionally bounced right off. 

We had slides so high that would not be legal now, and rocking horses that were lethal.  Sometimes we just have to take a chance and have some fun.

If you remember, I have three sons, so yes, I did have to make them take turns, and it seemed to me better that they learned young that it was one person at a time on the trampoline. And no, that wasn't always fun. It's your choice, I'm not judging you for it: I made a factual statement. 

Sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I just feel sometimes kids need to learn about things themselves.