Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

beanielou

I am shouting very loudly on your behalf from Scotland. That’s sadly not good news at all. 

Hope you get a proper sleep & tomorrow is a better day for you all. 

hb2

I'm so sorry that you have had such a bad day Savvy Maybe having a 'wobble' when with the head is actually a good thing, so that they can see that you really need that help. Unfortunately, with resources scarce, people who manage tend to be left to do so, whilst help is concentrated elsewhere. You know what they say about the creaky gate! Not right, but understandable.

I hope you are able to get a good sleep tonight and face tomorrow refreshed.

KxMx

Unfortunately SS you have talked to DS before, many times and started conversations and has anything ever really changed? Just recently you had a chat with him while he was still living at home about expectations etc , nothing changed and you ended up having to ask him to leave. 

The last thing I wish to do is upset you when you've had such an upsetting day. I think you need to stop factoring in DS to help, he has had his chance to prove himself as a father away from ex gf who always came in for a lot of criticism. He has proven one person is important to him and that is himself.

Those advocating contact is stopped with other family ignores that those boys were removed from DS as well as their mother. I know SS is struggling solo but DS popping in and out when he pleases is likely to be as or more unsettling than a scheduled routine visit to the other family. Would it really be fair to exclude one parent and not the other? I realise what's best for the children comes first but still...

ivyleaf

I'm sorry you've been having a horrible time, savvy.  I hope tomorrow will be better. 

gizmo111

What is on the SGO support plan?  This should define what the children need, and should include a contact plan, as well as health and other assessments that should be undertaken.
Call me if I can help.

Savvy_sewing

Gizmo it changed at the last moment, and I didn't get an update when the court order came. My calls to the team I was with were ignored.
 I will search for the older paperwork and see what was originally on there. I was told they would help me for the first 12 months. But nobody got back to me. 

The team who came the other week have decided that they are referring us to another department. I am presuming that will be the post adoption team. 

I am waiting for the response. 

I think that the school will have better luck than I do.
 I didn't get through to the doctor yesterday so I am hoping to try and get through today.
dgs2 slept from 8.15 until 5.15 this morning. Dgs1 woke at 7 because I managed to get Dgs2 out of the room in time.
it is reasonably calm this morning. So far. 

thorsoak

Looking at things in the cold light of day, Ss, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that DGS1 trashed the classroom yesterday - and not your home!   The teacher and ta will be able to testify as to how he behaved - in a slightly more objective manner than you would (not being so emotionally attached as you) and also, as the professionals, sadly, their witness will carry some more weight than yours - not that it should.   So, let's hope that you can get more help soon - the sooner the better for all concerned!

hb2

Savvy, I hope that today is a much better one for you!

angie_baby

Savvy_sewing said:

The last 24 hours were bad.
Dgs1 trashed the classroom and the other children had to be evacuated from the class. The teacher was hurt. It was not good. At home when he had 2 hours playing with me on his own it was calm, but as soon as I picked up his brother it was soon into world war 3. Because I couldn't play Mummy's and Daddy's with him as I had the evening meal to do etc.
By the time dinner was ready his brother was also playing off his actions and I had to restrain 1 from hitting himself in the head, while kicking me as his frustration mounted. DGD got in the way of his kicking and screaming. He was put in the bedroom to calm down, which he trashed. It was then also dealing with his brother upending the table they sit at and thinking it funny. It took until 9 to get them settled and asleep. This morning it started out before I was awake properly. I managed to nip it in the bud, but we were late for school. Then I had to go to talk to the deputy head and I just broke down in tears. I had a huge wobble. DS didn't come yesterday because he was too tired after his round trip to Cornwall on Monday. When I rang at tea time he was not able to help. So we had a texting arguement about help, routine etc I offloaded to biggest last night that I was exhausted etc and how I need that help social talked about and how DGS is behaving. She messaged DS asking him to come help me today, and he then went on at her. He did finally arrive at 12.30 and before he collected DGS from school we had a rather frustrating conversation that was at times emotionally heated. But it has not totally solved much, hopefully it has opened the chat though!
He decided to build my swing seat and make up the concrete for my gazebo posts, probably to keep out of my way.
At 4.30 I asked him if he could stay to put the boys to bed after Dgs2 was collected and if I could get some sleep. So I can tackle life better again Tomorrow.
so he stayed until just gone 8.
i had a nap rather than a full on sleep as I could hear the various challenges DGS was producing and the difference when Dgs2 was in the mix.  Dgs1 was asleep before 2.
 I got up when he left to heat up something to eat, watched the repair shop and George Clark amazing spaces and have come to bed. 

DGD had a session on the drums this afternoon, and I heard her chatting to friends. She ate earlier when I was asleep. She was watching something about Dolphins just as I came to bed.
 I am hoping that the social referrals start to put together a plan, the school are going to chase up their referrals and have  been really understanding about what I am dealing with. I don't know how DGS was in school today because DS collected him, but they obviously dealt with him as I didn't get called back in.
 I did manage to finish a dress I was salvaging for a customer at long last between 10 and 12. But I didn't get any other sewing done. The lady was delighted with her dress, bought me a huge bunch of flowers and sent me a selfie of her wearing it. A good part of the day which really lifted me. 

Back to sleep now if I can ready to be as fresh as possible tomorrow.
A new day, a fresh start. Help will eventually come, I am shouting loudly. 

Wow, this sounds like a post I made maybe 10/12 years ago. I rarely post on here but I just wanted to say that with the right help I am sure you will get through this. I remember every day just hoping DS would get to at least 10 am before I would have to collect him from school as his childminder started to refuse to collect him early. Fast forward I now have an amazing 18 year old most of the time, he managed secondary school and got his GCSEs and has now passed his first year at college. If someone had told me back then that we would get through it all I would of laughed at them.
It does get better, and I really hope you get all the help and support you need and deserve. 

Savvy_sewing

angie_baby said:

Savvy_sewing said:

The last 24 hours were bad.
Dgs1 trashed the classroom and the other children had to be evacuated from the class. The teacher was hurt. It was not good. At home when he had 2 hours playing with me on his own it was calm, but as soon as I picked up his brother it was soon into world war 3. Because I couldn't play Mummy's and Daddy's with him as I had the evening meal to do etc.
By the time dinner was ready his brother was also playing off his actions and I had to restrain 1 from hitting himself in the head, while kicking me as his frustration mounted. DGD got in the way of his kicking and screaming. He was put in the bedroom to calm down, which he trashed. It was then also dealing with his brother upending the table they sit at and thinking it funny. It took until 9 to get them settled and asleep. This morning it started out before I was awake properly. I managed to nip it in the bud, but we were late for school. Then I had to go to talk to the deputy head and I just broke down in tears. I had a huge wobble. DS didn't come yesterday because he was too tired after his round trip to Cornwall on Monday. When I rang at tea time he was not able to help. So we had a texting arguement about help, routine etc I offloaded to biggest last night that I was exhausted etc and how I need that help social talked about and how DGS is behaving. She messaged DS asking him to come help me today, and he then went on at her. He did finally arrive at 12.30 and before he collected DGS from school we had a rather frustrating conversation that was at times emotionally heated. But it has not totally solved much, hopefully it has opened the chat though!
He decided to build my swing seat and make up the concrete for my gazebo posts, probably to keep out of my way.
At 4.30 I asked him if he could stay to put the boys to bed after Dgs2 was collected and if I could get some sleep. So I can tackle life better again Tomorrow.
so he stayed until just gone 8.
i had a nap rather than a full on sleep as I could hear the various challenges DGS was producing and the difference when Dgs2 was in the mix.  Dgs1 was asleep before 2.
 I got up when he left to heat up something to eat, watched the repair shop and George Clark amazing spaces and have come to bed. 

DGD had a session on the drums this afternoon, and I heard her chatting to friends. She ate earlier when I was asleep. She was watching something about Dolphins just as I came to bed.
 I am hoping that the social referrals start to put together a plan, the school are going to chase up their referrals and have  been really understanding about what I am dealing with. I don't know how DGS was in school today because DS collected him, but they obviously dealt with him as I didn't get called back in.
 I did manage to finish a dress I was salvaging for a customer at long last between 10 and 12. But I didn't get any other sewing done. The lady was delighted with her dress, bought me a huge bunch of flowers and sent me a selfie of her wearing it. A good part of the day which really lifted me. 

Back to sleep now if I can ready to be as fresh as possible tomorrow.
A new day, a fresh start. Help will eventually come, I am shouting loudly. 

Wow, this sounds like a post I made maybe 10/12 years ago. I rarely post on here but I just wanted to say that with the right help I am sure you will get through this. I remember every day just hoping DS would get to at least 10 am before I would have to collect him from school as his childminder started to refuse to collect him early. Fast forward I now have an amazing 18 year old most of the time, he managed secondary school and got his GCSEs and has now passed his first year at college. If someone had told me back then that we would get through it all I would of laughed at them.
It does get better, and I really hope you get all the help and support you need and deserve. 

Thankyou so much for that post. 

I really needed a little hope.