Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism 5 January at 7:27PM edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families 1.5K replies 369.4K views

thorsoak

I find it significant that whilst DS was away, and they were unable to see the other family because of lockdown, that SS had almost got their behaviour into a "normal" pattern ....whatever "normal" is for 2 and 4 year olds!     GDS 1 does have the problem, as SS has been saying for ages and, sadly GD2 copies his big brother - which is natural.   But GDS1 seems to thrive more on the constancy that Ss was managing (at so much cost to herself) to provide.   The problem is that everyone is going to have to sing from the same songsheet - DS, other family, school, to channel GD1 into a calmer frame of mind.   Ss knows this and has been asking for this help for some time.    

Savvy_sewing

The boys are going to see the other family tomorrow afternoon. If Dgs1 is disruptive on Monday, then it will be the last time they will go on a Sunday. If I had my own way, they would not go at all. But that will mean a conversation with the court as they are supposed to be allowed access.
although if I say no, I have the right too if I believe that it is not suitable for the boys, but I am reluctant to as it will cause a scene with them and it has taken a while to have gained their sort of trust.
 I think having the psychology tests in school next term ( hopefully) will help.
 I have lost count of how many issues I have had to deal with today.
 I have potentially another 7 hours of the day to get through.
What fun.
The play dough was ok for about 15 minutes.
But they are bored of that now. Trying to keep them engaged and not reverting to technology is not as simple as I would like.
 I think I need to consider a new note book to record the things that they are eating, drinking, and what sets them off etc. See if I can see a pattern etc. 

Other than is it just random and brotherly rivalry? 

beanielou

I think the new notebook to record what they eat & drink is a fantastic idea 

I will pop one in the post. 

I had a ‘thing’ for notebooks & have too many. 

Savvy_sewing

beanielou said:

I think the new notebook to record what they eat & drink is a fantastic idea 

I will pop one in the post. 

I had a ‘thing’ for notebooks & have too many. 

Thank you so much.
 I am all ears to learn how to deal with the boys. Although my twins have autism they were never aggressive or violent.

elisamoose

SS have a look at attachment theory

Savvy_Sue

elisamoose said:

SS have a look at attachment theory

The local authority may have courses which you'd find helpful (assuming you can get to them), but you might find these resources helpful: there's several articles on different attachment styles there. I wouldn't worry that they come under 'adoption': the theories must be equally valid for your situation. 

onwards&upwards

Try adoptionuk.org too

essex123456

there's a book called the explosive child that might help, but lets face it these two very small boys have lost mum and dad, have been through trauma, child cruelty and child neglect and that is bound to have devastating consequences - I think that goes a little bit deeper than diet.

Savvy_sewing

Thanks everyone. 

I realise it's not all diet, but unfortunately I have to provide the evidence that all things have been looked into.
The school are also gathering their evidence so I think by my recording what I can at home could only help in the process. 

We've been up since 6am this morning. I was in bed by 9.30 and Dgs2 woke once but I didn't look at the time. It was still dark was all I acknowledged. We have watched a tinker bell story on the tv but now have Buster the yellow bus on at the moment. 2minutes an episode.
 I am hoping that they will be calm enough for me to get a quick shower without all hell letting loose.

Savvy_sewing

Yesterday morning seemed a very long one. The boys went to the other family in the afternoon, allowing me to go to get the food shopping and drop off some things for Mum. She was rather bent over yesterday and suffering with sciatica. 

I rested for the rest of the day. There were a lot of things I could have done but I am trying to nurse my hand. Which is incredibly painful all the time now.
as usual the other family were late returning the boys. But they had bathed them and they were ready for bed. Except they were rather hyper so it was a late night settling them. Dgs2 is up, but Dgs1 is still asleep.
 The other granny said that she witnessed Dgs1 hitting himself in the head when he didn't get his own way. 

That he was fairly unsettled. ( I thought welcome to my world!). I said about his being sent home from school 3 times last week. I am going to keep her informed about issues if we have any today. 

I bought a book called Therapeutic Parenting essentials moving from trauma to trust,  and 
the unofficial guide to Adoptive parenting, which arrived last evening. So I have my reading for the next few days. And moving forward.