Wedding etiquette- thanks for coming!

debs66_2

hmm, am feeling like I might be setting myself up to be shot down in flames here...!

Please forgive this is it sounds a bit mercenary, but I am personally getting a bit peeved with the whole concept of cards for this, cards for that, cards for the cat and dog even! they are nothing more than a rip-off nowadays, and we are being guilted into sending them for every occasion, and now even some new made-up occasions. at a time when card production should be at its cheapest, given the technology available, very often cards cost more than a token present.

so if we get a card saying thanks for coming, do we then have to send one back saying thanks for asking us? then thanks for sending a thank you card, and thanks for thanking me...

I must point that I am a stickler for courtesy, but i have never sent a thank you card ever, and I don't expect to receive them either. if that had been my wedding, I know i would have been around the room saying thanks to everyone, although we all know how easy it is for the day to be lost for the bride and groom - and after all, this day is about them.

anyone i missed i would have called, but i wouldn't be keeping myself awake worrying if i missed anyone else. if people know me well enough to attend my wedding, they will know that I am not the type to be rude or discourteous, and would be very thankful that someone attended and made my day special.

if it's going to cost more to attend than you want to spend, and you don't know the couple well enough to be at least in telephone contact afterwards, I would simply decline. if you go and have an enjoyable weekend with people you know, good food, entertainment, think of it as treating yourself to a short trip, and doing something nice for someone starting their married life, by being there and making up a nice wedding party.

weddings eh...? why do we bother... :rotfl:

The_Good_Fairy

It doesn't cost much for some writing paper and a stamp though debs

I believe you should say thank you for anything that someone has made the slightest effort to do for you, whether it's buying you a gift or coming to your wedding. Either saying it face to face, on the phone, email or a quick note, any will do as long as you say it.

We will be getting married sometime this year, we will be asking close friends and close family only and we won't be asking for any gifts, the day will be about celebrating the commitment me and my OH make to each other, not about re-couping our costs through gifts of money. I will be thanking everyone for coming as there won't be a load of people there that we don't even know

debs66_2

Hi Good Fairy

yes you are right, courtesy costs very little, however, I personally don't give anything in expectance of any thanks, I suppose that's all I'm saying. if i sent you a gift or attended your wedding, i would do it from the heart and would not lose any sleep if my actions weren't thanked. that's not why i give.

have a fabuolus wedding day. how can it not be magical when the bride is a real life fairy - of the good kind too!

MimiJane

When you get married, you expect to have to pay out on food/drink, etc. for your guests, but each guest has the expense of travel, a present and possibly a new outfit.

If the guests don't turn up, the wedding is ruined.

People should be thanked soon after the wedding for turning up and helping to make the day "special" and also for any present they choose to give.

It's common courtesy ... pure and simple.

Little_miss_neat

I've had the opposite - my cousin got married a couple of years ago and upset half the family by not inviting them. I was one of the uninvited - I didn't mind as we're not close, live at other ends of the country and don't keep in contact. But after the wedding she wrote to me thanking me for coming to her wedding and hoping that I had a lovely time sharing her day and also thankyou for the gift (I hadn't sent one!). I was very surprised!

princesspoppypop

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for my so called best mate last May. Then she decided she didnt want me to be bridesmaid and just be a guest- which really hurt me as she still had our other best mate as one.
We even had a night at hers to show us some sample dresses which she had ordered from Next in a size 8 ( Im a size 12).

I hadnt even done a thing wrong so dont know why she changed her mind.

Anyway went to the wedding as a guest with OH as Im not a bitter person but it was dreadful, the meal was really cheap and tasteless!:(

Me and OH had only moved into our new house a week before so were spending all our money on housey bits and decorating. I still however managed to find some money to put in a card for my (now no longer a friend) friend.

After that kept getting texts saying when she was in so I could drop off her birthday gift ( it was her bday the day after the wedding). I thought this was really rude.:mad:

Anyway I never did get round to dropping off her gift (ahem must have slipped my mind):rolleyes:

And after all of that Im still waiting for a thankyou card for the wedding money.

I just think after all the hurt and upset it would have been the least she could have done!

MrsTinks

Now here is an interesting dilemma... we're planning on sending thank you cards after our wedding in may (yay!) but OH has terrible hand writing and I can't write by hand thanks to inflamed tendons in my wrists. Christmas cards are short and done over a good few days LOL!

Now... would computer printed cards be thought of as rude and impersonal if they were hand signed (the pain of this will actually be considerable to me as it is...) or should I just start now and fill in the names after the event :rotfl:
I don't mind typing lots of individual inserts for the cards - typing isn't a problem so they could be personalised!
I just don't like the idea of starting off with appologising about not being able to handwrite them and then thanking them...

Views?

The_Good_Fairy

I personally would think it's ok to type them but some people are funny about things like that aren't they.

You could think sod it, I've said thank you, it's up to them if they want to see bad in a typed message. Or you could get someone else to write them for you

Send me some, I've got nice handwriting, maybe some other people can volunteer to do some more, now it'll just cost you a fortune in postage :rotfl:

MrsTinks

LOL Good Fairy I'm not sure I wanna send them to you they'll come back smelly so gorgeous I'll get in trouble for not including a sample of your candles :rotfl:
(BTW waiting to see what new creations you come up with although so far all of them are mouthwatering which won't help my diet at all! All them lovely smells will make me want to eat nice stuff and how will I ever get in my wedding dress then????)

The_Good_Fairy

Ack don't even talk to me about diets and wedding dresses! I'm off for some peanuts now (salted and oily the only way to eat them!) :P

New creations coming soon, promise!