Wedding etiquette- thanks for coming!

harryharp

At our wedding (going back a bit now), there were 2 people who didn't turn up who had previously accepted their invitations! There was no explanation or anything, and we still had to pay for their meals. Pretty rude I thought.

hannahsmummy1

we specifically asked for no presents as nearly everyone was travelling a fair bit, so didnt expect anything, and were completely astounded when we did get presents as were not expecting them! Everyone got a thank you card though as soon as we were back from honeymoon- i enjoy doing things like that though so its not really a chore for me. I cant stand it when you go out of your way, make an effort & then dont get thanked for your efforts! (particularly hurts at the moment where i organised my mums 50th and didnt even get one thank you from family!) i make sure that me & my daughter write thank you cards for everything she/we receive- its only courtesy after all.

hannahsmummy1

meant to add, that most people didnt bother to reply to us when we invited them to the wedding-some people didnt turn up & obviously we had catered for them & so had to pay! - i also think thats pretty rude!

lizzie_dripping

When we got married, I wrote out and posted the Thank You cards within a week of the wedding (we didn't go on honeymoon). I also tried to make a reference to the gift that had been bought ie thank you for the photo frame, we are going to put one of our wedding photos in it, thank you for the cheque, it will go towards a new washing machine or similar.

Quite honestly I really enjoyed writing them and didn't think of it as a chore at all. It's kind of people to buy you a gift, no matter what it is.

Horace

I guess some folks were bought up to send Thank You cards whenever they received a present and others not. I find it mightly rude if I have gone to the trouble of buying a present and not being thanked. When I got married, I made sure that everyone had a Thank You card afterwards - even the silly moo who asked me if I was the bride (bearing in mind I had flowers in my hair, was holding a bouquet and wearing a mightly expensive frock!).

Must say though that I cannot abide wedding lists - my cousin had one with M&S and everything on it was expensive and I felt that I was being told what to spend - a bit of a cheek I thought when she was earning in excess of £50K and I was on £15K. So I hunted high and low and in the end bought her and her hubby an antique glass dish for party nibbles that was dated as being made on 5 September 1850 (she got married on 5 September 1999). I know that she uses it even now and she told me it was totally unexpected which it was.

Bagpuss1973

u2nick79 wrote: »

I think it is really rude and all boils down to manners. My hubby and I got married in July and went for a honeymoon in New York and St Lucia. Whilst in New York we bought 80 postcards (the shop owner thought I was mad!) and brought them back to the UK. We used these are our thank you cards and the whole lot was written and sent out within 4 days. Done and dustied.

It is just nice to receive a simple thank you.

I might nick this idea! We're going to Florida for our honeymoon, would be nice to send something from there!

But whatever we do, we WILL be sending thank you's in some form to all guests for attending/giving a gift (if they do)

Must admit the gift list has been on my mind, so we think we are going to do a small list and then ask for dollars to spend on our honeymoon - because even though we are more than 12 months ahead people are already asking me what we would like, to which I've put them the idea of dollars and they've all said great.

However, I don't intend to put the list or dollars bit in with the invitations, I will wait for people to ask.

prestonlass

my sister did a great thing along those lines. She checked entrance prices to attractions they were going to visit in Canada, trips etc, even 'a couple of beers overlooking Niagra Falls' type of ideas, if that makes any sense to you and so people gave them a gift in that way, kind've like buying them a drink on honeymoon or treating them to a meal or trip. It didn't matter that most guests chose the same gift off the list as it was only theoretical. I thought it a great alternative to the brashness of asking for dosh.

zekepes

It is certainly rude but I have very mixed feelings about all of this.

I have been married twice. The first was very traditional, with a wedding list and I wrote thank you notes afterwards (of course!) but I had no idea the expense involved in attending a wedding, as I was the first in my peer group to do it.

Many years later, after attending many expensive weddings (I worked out it costs around £500 to attend each one) I was a bit more worldly wise. To the point where I lost a 'friendship' over it by not attending one (6 hr drive away - midweek so DH would have to take time off work (3 days) and I was exclusively breastfeeding my son at the time, too).

My second wedding was a very small affair and we asked for no gifts and provided everything. Everyone did gve us a gift anyway, with the exception of my new husband's sister and husband (the richest, BY FAR). My husband and I agreed that we would write the thank you's for our respective 'sides'. Several months later I learned that my husband did not do his (namely to his two aunts who were not invited to the wedding - it was VERY small - as I had thanked everyone else personally anyway) and I was mortified. I was too embarrassed to ring them (I hadn't even met them) so asked MIL to do it instead (I know, I know!).

Anyway, I would say that it is etiquette to send out a thank you within one month of the gift being recieved. BUT they may not mean to be rude - perhaps badly organised - put it off for so long that it was now really too late etc.? Perhaps just a bit clueless about the expense and effort that is sometimes involved in attending someone elses big day....

lyndseyann

never mind money savings expert it doesnt cost anything to say "thank you"

msmicawber

I agree with the OP - I also attended a wedding in September and have had no thank you for the present or the promised e-mail with a couple of digital photos and feel hurt. I hired a car and travelled 2.5 hours each way, bought the best present I could afford and got some new clothes for myself and the children so we looked smart for the occasion. Even if I'd received an e-mail thank you it would have been appreciated by me and I wouldn't have minded not receiving a handwritten note. Maybe it's because I'm middle-aged, but I find it rude not to have a gift acknowledged. My young sister-in-law never bothers to let me know whether the gifts I send my nieces have even been received in the post which annoys me, but maybe it's a generation thing. I've always written thank you letters and made sure that my children do as well as I think if someone's gone to the trouble of thinking of you and choosing a gift for you and possibly spending money that they had to save up, it's a small thing to write a note to thank them.