Wedding etiquette- thanks for coming!

Timmne

I'll just chip in here about the asking for money thing - apologies that it's off topic!

I understand what people are saying about it being a bit rude to ask for money from the guests, but as someone who will be married in 9 months' time, I feel I should say my bit!

I plan to ask for money for our 'gift list' substitute, alongside a very small gift list for those who don't want to give money.

In terms of the finances of our wedding, it's costing us £17k for the wedding itself (we're not relying on parents to fund this) which includes meals and drinks for the guests at around £60-70 per head.

My GF and I own a flat which is now fully furnished, we don't need anything physical in terms of furniture and appliances, apart from upgrading things like the TV or the dining table. These are things which cannot be expected to be bought by the guests coming to our day as they're far too expensive. This is why we'll be asking for money.

As a guest at a wedding, I always try and repay the cost of me being there as I have been brought up to. Pay your way and a little extra is the idea...

Times have changed - rarely do couples move in together following their wedding; they're usually already living together and have everything they need to live comfortably before they pay for the wedding.

If any of my guests are worried about spending a few quid it'll cost them to attend my wedding then I question whether they want to be there at all! We did leave 17 months between setting the date and the wedding day so it's not like people aren't prepared...

There will be a few people attending who are struggling financially and of course I wouldn't expect anyone who can't afford it to be out of pocket - I am planning on having to fund some peoples' travelling costs etc.

Sadly in this day and age it's not the money that's likely to annoy me (I'm quite aware that I'll be massively out of pocket, but that's my choice, not the guests'), it's more people's attitude to spending it, especially on our wedding day.

I'm so into money etiquette it's silly, so I apologise if I come accross a little neurotic! As you can guess I'm a nightmare at the pub insisting the driver pays less, couples don't get away with one round between them etc!

Timmne

And also (!) I think thank-you cards are essential. It's desperately rude for a couple to not spend 5 minutes thanking a guest for coming/their present!

And for the person above who didn't even get a hello from the couple - WHAT???!! I'd be mortified if people came to my wedding and hadn't been acknowledged - why would you invite someone who you're not bothered to say hi to?

Toto

I have sent some thank you cards with a batch of photos in each one, I haven't finished posting some though because I've found I need extra photos. And my wedding was mid september too.

At this point I will combine a christmas card, thank you card and photos for the remaining people.

However, I have only had one thank you card from weddings I've been to and honestly it isn't a big deal to me. The bride and groom have always made a point of thanking me personally for being there on the day and thanking me for a gift. I have also in turn thanked them for inviting me because in my case as we ended up having a free bar the cost per head was a reasonable amount. We did say we didn't expect gifts, we did ask for oxfam type gifts if people needed to give something. Personally I would rather donate the cost of sending out thank you cards to a charity, but that's me. I do find it a bit of a waste of money when a personal email or something is free.

But then, I am one of those people who can't stand christmas cards and would rather not get any, they are pure clutter and I have no idea who half the people who send them are!!

kathy206

A colleague of mine actually asked for money for her wedding gift because in her words "what am I going to do with a load of old tat?":mad:
With regards to thankyou letters I must admit I am not as organised as I could be but they do get sent out eventually for the children's bday and Christmas pressies, it's just nice to be told thankyou. As other posters have said, a thank you may be on the way, but a phone call may be in order to see if the present was well received:rolleyes:

funky-footprints

Thankyous are I guess not compulsory, and in this day and age im afraid you dont get them off everyone. I think maybe it is ruder to chase up a thankyou ?

Gift wise ......... I find it very rude to ask for money ...we actually were invited to a wedding recently where we were asked to pay towards the day. We didnt exactly know the couple that well, and were shocked to of been invited to start, it was a real keeping up with the Jones' affair, If you cant afford to get married, then do it cheap. We had a home when we were amrried fully furnished, but vouchers always can go a long way and can be renewed if not spent within thier given time.

We actually had quite a few guests at our wedding who didnt give us a gift or a card ! I thought that odd, but didnt ask them why, it was thier choice. (they had a flippin good day on my dad as it was a free bar !!)

u2nick79

I think it is really rude and all boils down to manners. My hubby and I got married in July and went for a honeymoon in New York and St Lucia. Whilst in New York we bought 80 postcards (the shop owner thought I was mad!) and brought them back to the UK. We used these are our thank you cards and the whole lot was written and sent out within 4 days. Done and dustied.

It is just nice to receive a simple thank you.

Chick

I think the point is just wanting an acknowledgement of some kind, I don't care for a fancy card or anything, just an email or a text would do...

...Exactly, chasing up a 'thank-you' is just embarassing, although it wouldn't hurt to ask but that would probably induce some awkwardness if they couldn't remember what you bought for them!

Quote: "Let's be honest, it's not like inviting you didn't cost anything either is it? For the average guest who attends both the daytime and evening events it'll probably cost the Bride & Groom/whoever about £60-70 per head for the meal, the buffet, drink on reception, fizz for toasts & wine for the meal"

...i can see what you mean with this, but then it just reduces everything down to a transaction of sorts i.e. we're both evens/spent the same amount on each other. It's a bit more basic than that, goes beyond just money- just acknowledging your presence at their celebration etc.

Alexandria

When we got married we did ask for gift vouchers, simply because we only needed to make large purchases and wouldn't ask for those off our guests.
We held off writing our thank you notes until we had made the purchases, then we sent notes out thanking people for their attendance, made a note of their contribution to the day (not monetary but about the pleasure of having them there) and then said what we had spent our vouchers on so they weren't just sightlessly gifting.

modgit

We went to a wedding in early September, and my parents to one in mid August and we've both received our respective thank you notes in the last 2 weeks. Both were photo cards, so the time taken to choose them, have them printed and write them can be greater than a notepad one.

Both of these weddings were money gift only ones, which I find awkward, too little, too much who knows what to give? As other poster put I used to gauge cost of reception meal, but once you've been married a while (!) you lose track on the cost of weddings, and am amazed that people are paying around £60 a head:eek:

iluvfreebies

i GOT MARRIED IN CYPRUS IN AUG BUT HAD A PARTY WHEN WE CAME HOME - I HAD BOUGHT THANK YOU NOTES TO SNED STRAIGHT AWAY BUT HAVNT GOT AROUND TO IT - IS IT TOO LATE TO SEND THEM NOW? DONT WANT PPL TO THINK IM DAFT