Am I patronising?

badmemory

The only way to deal with someone who criticises how you do things is to say ok DIY. I have a non-live-in friend who kept saying my fence was really bad. Not my fence actually but next doors. Came back from shopping one day to find fence had been replaced by him. Told him - his problem not mine. Stopped being a walkover almost 30 years ago.


Not sure whether "stands with a fist" or "stamps her foot" should be my next user name.


If someone doesn't like how you do things then tell them to DIY or find something else (or preferably someone else) to criticise.

Robisere

maman wrote: »

I have many friends who's husbands are ex military. They are very fussy about how the ironing is done. So they do the ironing in their households. It's obvious, they're the more skilled at it.

I'm still trying to work out how to fold a towel 'correctly'. Presumably it's so it fits onto the airing cupboard shelf. Am I right?

That's me! And I roll my socks into a neat package, fold my underpants and other clothes into the drawer, hang up all my shirts and trousers. 12 years in the Army, I do all my own ironing but my OH will not let me do hers.

EmmyLou30

Towels usually have a correct way based on where they are stored. They only fit if folded one way and I fail to see how someone can't follow a simple instruction as to how to fold them (my OH can't fold them right!).


I agree that 2 different ways of doing something with the same outcome should just be tolerated rather than making a fuss over it if you want a harmonious house. It might not be the most efficient or quickest way you'd do it but so long as it gets done I'm fine with that.


But I often find a cleaning job isn't done to my standard and so is therefore wrong. There's clean....and various levels of dirty....not various levels of clean. This is why I do all the cleaning rather than criticise the OH's cleaning. He's happy with it still partially dirty and wouldn't appreciate being told to do it again (who would!? and I've never actually suggested he have another go to be honest), and I wouldn't like having to ask like I'm not being appreciative. So very early on in our relationship I resigned myself to being the one who does all the cleaning.


All my friends think I'm a total mug/1950's housewife mind you, but it's my decision to do that rather than have any arguments. Not to say I don't feel slightly resentful at times that OH couldn't just do a cleaning task correctly to my standard of course, but that's my choice.

onwards&upwards

EmmyLou30 wrote: »

Towels usually have a correct way based on where they are stored. They only fit if folded one way and I fail to see how someone can't follow a simple instruction as to how to fold them (my OH can't fold them right!).


I agree that 2 different ways of doing something with the same outcome should just be tolerated rather than making a fuss over it if you want a harmonious house. It might not be the most efficient or quickest way you'd do it but so long as it gets done I'm fine with that.


But I often find a cleaning job isn't done to my standard and so is therefore wrong. There's clean....and various levels of dirty....not various levels of clean. This is why I do all the cleaning rather than criticise the OH's cleaning. He's happy with it still partially dirty and wouldn't appreciate being told to do it again (who would!? and I've never actually suggested he have another go to be honest), and I wouldn't like having to ask like I'm not being appreciative. So very early on in our relationship I resigned myself to being the one who does all the cleaning.


All my friends think I'm a total mug/1950's housewife mind you, but it's my decision to do that rather than have any arguments. Not to say I don't feel slightly resentful at times that OH couldn't just do a cleaning task correctly to my standard of course, but that's my choice.

Your husband sounds like a very clever man.

[Deleted User]

Just to add fuel to the fire, with the OP, I tend to find a mop is ok if floor isn't very dirty, but there is a risk that you will just move the dirt around. I have been known to rinse the bucket three or four times to get the floor 'properly' clean, use a steamer or get on my hands and knees with a cloth (which somehow seems to work better).

At least it reduces risks of the mop wrapping exercise!

Now I have an expensive induction hob and shiny white kitchen cupboards I am murder about the 'right' way to clean without scratching. Fortunately I don't have a partner lol.

Erinome

mansplaining I think is the word..

annetheman

You seem to have taken the responses well and you sound good natured but I have a feeling these petty things really do bother you inside because you "know you're right and only trying to help"?

You need to chill out dude, like, relax. Spend a weekend doing things "wrong" and then you might start to normalise it through repetition. Stir that butter in with a comb!

splishsplash

OP what is the difference between folding butter into chocolate vs mixing it with a fork?

Folding is done to retain air i.e. folding flour into a fluffy cake mixture. Combining melted butter and chocolate is just that - mixing them together, no air needed.

If your partner wanted to find out how to mop or mix butter and chocolate together differently, then I'm sure your opinion would be appreciated. Otherwise, I suggest you keep it to yourself.

badmemory

I learnt a lesson many, & I do mean many, years ago, first husband, used to have to iron loads of shirts & trousers every single week. Second husband I ironed shirts ok but trousers I ironed a double crease in them, Never had to iron them again! But then I got stuck ironing my son's, karma can come back to bite you on the b***!

mimiduck

Agreed with others that the examples that have been given are typical small things that every couple go through initially, you just have to find a middle ground that both are happy with.

We've been living together for about seven years and still do things differently but have accepted this. I guess it helps if people are not OCD or stuck in their ways as this would make difficult for someone to adjust. Three months is very early and you got some good feedback here so hopefully you'll be able to relax and take a step back!