Am I patronising?

flanker6

Teacher2 wrote: »

Who mops with only one hand? You couldn’t get a floor clean doing that.

We had a cleaner here that used to sweep up whilst sitting down!

Artytarty

My MIL had a cleaner who turned the vacuum on, sat down and read magazines!
But yes, back on topic, why is it worse for a man to tell a woman how to mop/ sweep etc? I don't know but it just feels wrong even though I will advise my OH how to do things sometimes, but not generally in what is perceived as his territory! Double standards I suppose.
And no, mopping and brushing aren't done
Rope rly with one hand unless there is a physical reason she can't use both.

Blackpool_Saver

Blimey,
you need something to worry about. Some partners do naff all, (male and female)

littlegreenparrot

We have one rule - you do it yourself, or you appreciate the fact that someone else is doing it.

I would not appreciate that kind of 'constructive criticism' and would find it patronising.

To successfully live with someone you need to appreciate that doing it differently is not doing it wrong.

ska_lover

Oh gosh. I couldn't put up with that kind of behaviour OP, sorry but yes I think you are patronising.

I think, it is hard to 'let go' when you think you know better how to do something and you observe the other person not doing it right (in your opinion - and it can grate, but your reaction is not sustainable to a happy relationship

You need to treat your partner as a partner, they are individual not an extension of yourself - and dont treat them like a kid who need direction

Just let it go, or you could patronise yourself into being single

alwaysskint96

LOL we have a rule in our house which is quite simple "those who criticise must take over"

happyandcontented

It is not always that easy to bite your tongue though is it?:rotfl:

chesky

Well, mopping implies it's wet. And I personally think you should never use a damp mop on a wooden floor (over time it makes the wood swell and eventually lift).

So it's a good thing I'm not your partner, isn't it?

lessonlearned

What a funny and interesting thread.

I guess we all have our little quirks.....:rotfl:

OP. To answer your question.....yes, I'm sorry but you do sound extremely patronising. And even hurtful to your new partner.

Whilst you are obviously a bit of a perfectionist and seem to display some OCD tendencies, if you want a happy harmonious relationship then you are going to have to learn to relax a little and turn a blind eye if things aren't always done the way you like them doing.

My first husband was just like you......You will notice I said FIRST husband......after 5 years of him patronising me and continually nagging me to do things the "right" way, ie his way I had had enough.

I simply woke up one morning and saw him with fresh eyes.......I saw a miserable, pompous, self-righteous nagging bully who had lost all sense of proportion and who treated life as a drudge rather than a joy.

Don't become that man.....lighten up. And if you don't like the way she does certain things then do them yourself. But beware you might be making a rod for your own back and end up doing more than you want to, becoming bitter and feeling hard done by as a result.

The first time I decided to do some decorating my first husband did nothing but criticise my efforts. I never picked up a paintbrush again whilst married to him. (Since divorcing him I have gone on to renovate several properties and made good money doing so in the process, so what did he know:rotfl:).

He didn't like the way I cooked cabbage. I never cooked it for him again....you get the picture. It's called passive resistance. :rotfl:

Be careful what you wish for......;)

A relationship is about give and take, not one person calling all the shots and insisting everything is done their way.

My second husband didn't like the way I squeeze the toothpaste tube, I bought us both different brands of toothpaste. Problem solved. That was his only criticism of me in over 34 years together.

Give and take = married bliss.

FabFifty

So the questions are:
1) Am I being patronising pointing out when a job isn't being done properly, or could be done better?
2) Is accepting constructive criticism a foundation of a successful relationship, or can it work by accepting that your partner has different ways of doing things that might not be as effective?

I don't know if "patronising" is the right word (that smacks more of superiority), but we all do things differently - accept it if you want a happy relationship!

My other half (mildly autistic) still tries to tell me how best to do things after 10years - I just ignore him (we've both owned & run our own homes very successfully, including DIY, for many years).
I particularly have to grit my teeth when he attempts to hang the washing, which then dries with lots of creases, lumps & bumps.