Am I patronising?

cheeky-peach

My husband likes things done in a certain way and I don't think it's patronising really as it's often how you say things. For example, a favourite of his is 'Can we make sure that the toothpaste is put back on the bottom left shelf in the corner please?' I know, when he says 'we' he actually means me, but I don't take offence as I know that things like this can be important to others. I can then say things like 'Can we make sure that clothes for washing make it to the wash basket please?'.

I'm a firm believer that you can't 'fix' something unless you know it needs fixing, and a relationship is about understanding and learning about one and other, and knowing what can be a potential stresser for the other person can be nothing to you. Delivery is key, in my opinion.

Accountant_Kerry

1) Yes it is patronising
2) Constructive criticism and nit picking about how someone mops are quite different

would you be ok with the same type of constructive criticism?

Skiddaw1

Sounds typical of the sorts of squabbles any couple has when first living together. It sounds petty and trivial but really it's all about setting boundaries and establishing your ongoing relationship (and therefore both necessary and important). I think every couple goes through similar. Mr S and I certainly did. I can remember one silly row about chilli sauce and another about me disturbing his books when I was cleaning (that one ended in us realising that the over-large and rather hideous wardrobe was the real culprit- we took great pleasure in demolishing it and buying another ). You'll be doing things that drives your partner bonkers and vice-versa and sometimes you won't even realise until the other half of the partnership explodes.



My advice is, don't sulk, keep talking (and more importantly, keep listening) and never let the sun go down on a row. And laugh a lot.

Savvy_Sue

I have learned, over the years, not to ask "why did you do that / do it that way?", but to say "I'm sure you had a good reason for doing that / doing it that way, please can you tell me what it was?" Occasionally there was a good reason, but usually I get the chance to explain that actually, it was a pretty dumb idea.

OP, another thing to work on would be how you say "That's a good idea". My boss manages to sound delighted and appreciative. DH sounds surprised. Always. Very surprised. As if I never had a good idea in my life, when as I'm sure all of you on here will appreciate, ALL my ideas are good! Maybe some are less good than others, but they're all good!

MovingForwards

You have lived your own way for a long time, you need to either sit back and let your partner do things their way or divi up the tasks better. You partner could do general cleaning and you do the floors.

The way you are going your partner is going to think they are at work, getting criticism for minor things. We all know what happens when work !!!!es us off.....

JGB1955

After 42 years of marriage I still (apparently) haven't learned how to squeeze the toothpaste tube 'properly' (whatever that may mean). Likewise... he hasn't learned to check for 'skid marks' in the toilet before leaving the loo. It's called compromise.

Jackmydad

You are Monica from "Friends" and I claim my ten quid!

Compromise. Don't get hung up on the small stuff. It really doesn't matter in the greater picture.

42 years here as well.

suejb2

From the film I have never seen!

⛄️ Let it go ....Let it go.

McKneff

JGB1955 wrote: »

After 42 years of marriage I still (apparently) haven't learned how to squeeze the toothpaste tube 'properly' (whatever that may mean). Likewise... he hasn't learned to check for 'skid marks' in the toilet before leaving the loo. It's called compromise.

51 years in our house and you are spot on lol
Made me smile, mind

rach_k

McKneff wrote: »

If my other half had said 'can you use 2 hands,then'
He would have been buying a new mop, because the old one would have
Been unusable once i had finished wrapping it round his neck...

You're kinder than I am. If my OH made suggestions about how I should mop, he would swiftly find that the mop had been inserted into him and he was being pushed around the floor to get the last bits.