Am I patronising?

kezzygirl

bargainbetty wrote: »

My father told me that in the very early stages of their marriage, my mother simply could not iron the sharp creases into his shirt sleeves and trousers properly. He had showed her several times, and his mother had showed her once, but she just wasn't able to do it. So, he had had to accept that if he wanted perfect single creases, he would have to do it himself. If he wanted my shirts and my brother's shirts done properly, he'd have to do them too because my mother was just no good at ironing.

My mother smiled the smile of a woman whose husband had done the ironing for 40 years. She had taught me how to iron a shirt, and knew exactly how to put in a sleeve edge. She had just been so annoyed by his patronising tone that she had deliberately got it wrong. She wasn't a maid or a moron, and if he spoke to her like either he would damn well have do things himself.

Haha, I love this!!!!

onwards&upwards

Magnolia wrote: »

46 years!! 46 blooming years and can he fold a towel correctly? Not a chance!

I cannot count the times I have shown him how to do it correctly.

Why fold correctly I hear you ask - because it keeps the airing cupboard tidy and the main reason is it takes up less space and makes stacking more stable!

What do I do about it - I usually go into another room until the job is finished and when his back is turned I get them all out and fold them correctly. If he has ever noticed how tidy the airing cupboard looks he has never mentioned it :rotfl:

What I am really saying is - get over it. I bet there is things you do that annoy your partner but they just 'get over it' for the sake of harmony.

BTW - you would have been walking with a slight limp for several weeks waiting for the surgery to remove the mop! :eek:

I have to ask, how would one go about folding a towel ‘incorrectly’?

Robisere

I think you are OCD OP. I recognise it because I am too, but in over 30 years of our (second time around) marriage, I learned that I cannot expect my lovely missus to look at life and home in the same way I do.

* I love organisation, she lets me do it.
* Then remakes whatever parts of the organisation she wants to.
* I let her do that.
* I have to straighten pictures. I can't help it.
* After the first few times she saw me do that, she checked with a spirit level. It is always correctly level.
* She now just lets me do it.
* I help with preparing food, but she cooks it, because she is a much better cook and loves doing it.

There are many more examples, but basically it's called Give and Take. You have to learn to deal with it over time, otherwise those seemingly innocuous little "faults" will grow and cause real friction. Give in a little.

Good luck with this relationship, I hope it grows into something good, but it works both ways.

Teacher2

Who mops with only one hand? You couldn’t get a floor clean doing that.

But telling the person who does it they shouldn’t is another question.

It probably comes down to whether you value the jobs being done properly or the person herself. She sounds stubborn, not very efficient and unwilling to change but if you care for her you might have to accept the flaws as well as the benefits.

Just a thought. Why don’t you swap? The OH does the shopping and you do the housework. However, might have to monitor the finances then which would be no improvement. Still, you could mop the floor to your own satisfaction, surely?

euronorris

To be fair, I actually think that mopping one handed sounds like much harder work than two handed mopping. So I'm not sure why the OP's partner chooses to do it that way. I would probably ask that question if I saw someone doing it one handed. ie 'Why are you mopping one handed? Isn't that harder work?' in a really curious tone, because I would be genuinely curious.


Unfortunately, OP has now missed that chance. He's already criticised it, so any attempt to bring it up in a different way will still now be seen as criticism.

dammitjanet

To the one handed mopping being harder - maybe she'd already mopped the floor with however many hands she liked, but spotted a bit further away that she'd missed and was leaning over with one hand trying to reach it rather than stand on another bit she'd already mopped? That's the sort of acrobatics I would do :rotfl:

Pierre_the_Llittlebarski

-taff wrote: »

Yes, along with, why are my socks all rolled in a ball after washing, surely they won't have washed and dried properly? Because that's the way you left them when you took them off. The sock unfurling fairy does not visit this house.

I agree. My message in our house is very clearly you leave your clothes in the washing basket exactly how you wish for them to be washed and dried.

maman

bargainbetty wrote: »

My father told me that in the very early stages of their marriage, my mother simply could not iron the sharp creases into his shirt sleeves and trousers properly. He had showed her several times, and his mother had showed her once, but she just wasn't able to do it. So, he had had to accept that if he wanted perfect single creases, he would have to do it himself. If he wanted my shirts and my brother's shirts done properly, he'd have to do them too because my mother was just no good at ironing.

My mother smiled the smile of a woman whose husband had done the ironing for 40 years. She had taught me how to iron a shirt, and knew exactly how to put in a sleeve edge. She had just been so annoyed by his patronising tone that she had deliberately got it wrong. She wasn't a maid or a moron, and if he spoke to her like either he would damn well have do things himself.

I have many friends who's husbands are ex military. They are very fussy about how the ironing is done. So they do the ironing in their households. It's obvious, they're the more skilled at it.

I'm still trying to work out how to fold a towel 'correctly'. Presumably it's so it fits onto the airing cupboard shelf. Am I right?

euronorris

I am wondering the same thing about towels. But then, my airing cupboard is a mess! haha

pickledonionspaceraider

I think it is nitpicking OP and I can understand your partners comments about feeling like it is less their house and more yours as you are making rules

as you want things running your way and your way only

No two people do things the same, it can be infuriating but is the give and take of a relationship