Partner and Friend issues

Runningfast

I think everyone is saying what I actually know and shouldn't pursue any reconciliation and the ultimatums aren't healthy.

Think I need to work on my self confidence, it is something I have struggled with for most of my life and struggle to back myself in these situations. When I think about things she told me how she was going to treat me and I was the one one who made the excuses for her and always underplayed the significance of her actions.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my posts and reply.

suejb2

I lost track of the times I took sharp intakes of breath as I was reading your posts.
It must be just physical love you feel for her because you can’t love her emotionally.

Marvel1

Do what your username says.

Mrsn

Please please keep your distance from this woman....

This is not what a loving and committed relationship should be like. You deserve to be with a person that you can laugh, relax and be comfortable with at the very

Mrsn

Sorry can’t edit..... at the very least.

Take some time to find out who you are after you have made all these changes over the last x amount of years with this person and go forward from there.

The very best of luck to you

onwards&upwards

Be aware that she probably fully expects you to try to win her back and will be shocked and angry and probably raise her game when you don’t.

Whatever she promises, whatever she cla8ms will change, don’t cave. Stay away, cut communication.

chesky

You do realise that the friends you have now will all eventually tire of her behaviour and start distancing themselves from you both, if you return to her.

Do you really want to be left friendless and dependant only on her for company?

barbiedoll

OP....you have pretty much united the board on this one, we’re all saying the same thing, you know what is right for you, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.

I have been married to someone who displayed this behaviour. I can tell you now that it won’t stop. Nothing you do will ever be enough. You will always have to “compromise” or “make sacrifices”, but her demands will never end.

You know that her behaviour isn’t acceptable in a normal, loving relationship, right? You have friends that are married or in relationships, they don’t behave like this, do they? I know that you think that you are in love with her. In reality, she has chipped away at your self-worth and your confidence, so that you feel that you aren’t “worthy” of her, and that her being with you is some kind of concession on her part. She doesn’t like your friends, she doesn’t like your family, so why does she like you? She sounds like she despises you, nothing you do is good enough for her, she can’t even be bothered to buy you a birthday card....and you say you love this woman? You think that you need her, but you really, really don’t.

I can’t speak for everyone who has read your post, but to me, she sounds like a nasty, spiteful bully. And her friends are either the same, or they’re scared of her. If you go back to her, you will end up with nothing, she will drive away everyone that you care for, and will isolate you as much as she can. She will probably cheat on you at some point, which she will then blame on you for not paying her enough attention. You have everything to lose and absolutely nothing to gain by being with her. Stay away if you have an ounce of common sense, please take it from one who knows.

I was with my ex for 6 years. I’ve now been married to my (perfectly normal) second husband for almost 20 years, we have an adult son, I’m perfectly happy and content, I can be friends with who I want and I can go out whenever I like. You will move on, I promise!

Starchaser

Hi Runningfast,
I can only echo everyone else's replies. If you get back together with this woman then I fear you'll be in for a miserable life.
I had very few friends for a long time due to shyness and lack of confidence, before I finally came out of my shell. As a result I treasure the friends I have now. If a woman ordered me to cut contact with one of them that'd be a deal-breaker on the relationship for me - and even more so if they wanted me to cut off from my family.
In my view, the right lady will be happy with your loved ones just as they are. I'd keep your ex as an ex and start looking for her.
All the best :-)

happyandcontented

One of my sons had a gf like this, it was awful to stand on the sidelines and watch. Her issues stemmed from her dad being a serial cheat.