Partner and Friend issues

ognum

Keep running fast

snilloct1957

Wow! What a needy person she is! There are so many alarm bells going off it's difficult to know where to start. Firstly, it's not a relationship, it's slave and master, where you must do everything the way she wants it, with no deviation whatsoever. Secondly, the separation of you from your mates is a no-no; basically she wants all the attention on her 24/7, never a good sign. Thirdly, long-term will never work out, as she's not willing to compromise any of her entrenched attitudes, the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Your OP name is the advice I'm giving you here, run away, run away fast, now.

Barny1979

Hypocrite, walk away from her now, cut all contact, if necessary, point out why she has ruined the relationship.

Runningfast

snilloct1957 wrote: »

Wow! What a needy person she is! There are so many alarm bells going off it's difficult to know where to start. Firstly, it's not a relationship, it's slave and master, where you must do everything the way she wants it, with no deviation whatsoever. Secondly, the separation of you from your mates is a no-no; basically she wants all the attention on her 24/7, never a good sign. Thirdly, long-term will never work out, as she's not willing to compromise any of her entrenched attitudes, the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Your OP name is the advice I'm giving you here, run away, run away fast, now.

I'm seeing the trend in the replies and to be honest it is the same from my mates and family. One told me to watch it with her over 2 years ago, said they couldn't help but think I'd be in for a hell of a time long term. Probably should listen lol.

Barny1979

Runningfast wrote: »

I'm seeing the trend in the replies and to be honest it is the same from my mates and family. One told me to watch it with her over 2 years ago, said they couldn't help but think I'd be in for a hell of a time long term. Probably should listen lol.

So what are her good points? Good in bed?!

spirit

Does she try to isolate you from your family too?

Runningfast

Barny1979 wrote: »

So what are her good points? Good in bed?!

She has lots of good points and this thread is concentrating on one part that I find unacceptable.

The problem for me is I am in love with her, I do has an intense emotional connection that I can't seem to switch off etc. The issue is that some of her actions and demands are not compatible with my outlook and stress me out. She is a very insecure person (and I believe all of this stems from her insecurity) and there are many parts of her needs where to settle her anxiety etc. (for a short while) requires me to change and give things up. Over that past few years I have changed as much as I can, I have compromised (in my mind) on the things I can but that only ever gets me short term relief and then the rules change again.

An example being, She backed up by her mate set a rule that I can only see my female friends in group settings, I stuck to that (foolish I know). There has been times when friends have invited both of us to parties and bbqs etc. and I have declined the offers to keep her happy etc.

To be honest pretty much all the catch ups with my mates (male and female) this year have been since we split up, too much hassle when we were together!!. Unfortunately, the rules she set are no longer valid she wants complete removal of those friends now and I'm worried were that would end up going forward if we were to get back together. Not just in this situation but in others such as kicking off the other christmas about me having to buy a £5 secret santa gift in work for a woman (we just pull names out of a hat the whole office takes part). The rules are becoming more demanding and I can't keep bending and changing I'm at my limit.

There was a situation last year when we bumped in to a mate of mine my gf then made an issue saying that my friend had disrespected her. It was only for another mate being 2 feet away who told m nothing happened to be worried about was I able to so stop that argument dead.

Runningfast

spirit wrote: »

Does she try to isolate you from your family too?

Not as such but has claimed that my mother and sister don't like her and wants nothing to do with them. I am close to both my mum and sister.

Barny1979

The anxiety is being used as an excuse for behaviour that should not be accepted or tolerated.

Mojisola

Runningfast wrote: »

The problem for me is I am in love with her, I do has an intense emotional connection that I can't seem to switch off etc.

This person will make your life a misery.

Get some therapy to understand why you're attracted to someone who treats you so badly.

If you manage to move on from her but don't build up your self-esteem, you will be targeted by another abuser.