Partner and Friend issues

Pollycat

Runningfast wrote: »

She has lots of good points and this thread is concentrating on one part that I find unacceptable.

The problem for me is I am in love with her, I do has an intense emotional connection that I can't seem to switch off etc. The issue is that some of her actions and demands are not compatible with my outlook and stress me out. She is a very insecure person (and I believe all of this stems from her insecurity) and there are many parts of her needs where to settle her anxiety etc. (for a short while) requires me to change and give things up. Over that past few years I have changed as much as I can, I have compromised (in my mind) on the things I can but that only ever gets me short term relief and then the rules change again.

An example being, She backed up by her mate set a rule that I can only see my female friends in group settings, I stuck to that (foolish I know). There has been times when friends have invited both of us to parties and bbqs etc. and I have declined the offers to keep her happy etc.

To be honest pretty much all the catch ups with my mates (male and female) this year have been since we split up, too much hassle when we were together!!. Unfortunately, the rules she set are no longer valid she wants complete removal of those friends now and I'm worried were that would end up going forward if we were to get back together. Not just in this situation but in others such as kicking off the other christmas about me having to buy a £5 secret santa gift in work for a woman (we just pull names out of a hat the whole office takes part). The rules are becoming more demanding and I can't keep bending and changing I'm at my limit.

There was a situation last year when we bumped in to a mate of mine my gf then made an issue saying that my friend had disrespected her. It was only for another mate being 2 feet away who told m nothing happened to be worried about was I able to so stop that argument dead.

Read this ^^^^.
Then decide if you want to live like this.
Your choice.
You've had lots of advice, all in the same vein.
Yet you seem to want to dismiss this because 'you love her'
Good luck.
I have a feeling you're going to need it.

dan958

Your ex should stay your ex.

Ultimatums are not healthy. Your friends have not given you the same ultimatum, so you should stick by them.

Trying to seperate you from your friends is something that abusers are known to do.

ttoli

Break all contact , block her number,FB etc , You are far too good for her, I was in a very similar relationship, lost friends etc and wasted 2 years of my life

Barny1979

ttoli wrote: »

Break all contact , block her number,FB etc , You are far too good for her, I was in a very similar relationship, lost friends etc and wasted 2 years of my life

Same here, wasted 2 1/2 years of my life in early 20s with a controlling woman.

[Deleted User]

What good points does she have because I don't think that even if she found the cure for alzheimer's would be enough to outweigh the bad.

Go cold turkey. Block her number, block her on social media, set up to direct all her emails to junk and do not answer the door if she comes round. Do get yourself some therapy to break the cycle and take care of yourself.

motorguy

Shes a nutter, run while you can its not going to get any better, only worse!

My wifes nephew had a relationship like this with a girlfriend and she was hugely hugely demanding and dictated what he could and couldnt do. They broke it off much to the relief of the entire family circle.

3 months later they got back together again after veiled promises she had changed and things would be better and they went on to get married.

The behaviours quickly returned and now hes miserable in an awful relationship.

All the warning signs are there for you. The benefits are not worth the lifetime of pain ahead!

Doodles

You have already made the step of breaking away which, when you love someone, can really hurt.

But think it would be a step backwards to get back with her.

She has insecurity issues and you are unhappy with the ultimatums. No relationship can grow or prosper with that on the table.

Personally I think you should move on rather than put any more energy into this.

gettingtheresometime

https://www.mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/types-of-domestic-abuse/

Slinky

Not wishing to be rude, but OP you seem to be a bit desperate if you think that this woman is the only person in the world who you could fall in love with. Somebody who treats you like dirt and sets out to be cruel. Do you value yourself so little?



Whilst you are still wasting thoughts on her, you give yourself no opportunity for somebody who will cherish you to enter your life.


Mentally wish her well, but consider this chapter of your life closed, learn the lessons from it and move on - even if that means you are on your own.

Xenon

Turn around and walk...then run away

And thanks your lucky stars you did so