Aspergers/ASD support thread

Savvy_Sue

fazeypie wrote: »

I've been told by an aspergers counsellor who I have visited myself recently that the teenage years can be the most difficult time for aspies. So bearing that in mind, it may be good to get the diagnosis completed and keep in touch with whoever you are seeing in case you need more help further down the line. It does seem that there is a lot more help out there for kids and teens with aspergers than there is for adults.

Yes, we were also told this, when DS was informally diagnosed by the school doctor at the age of 12.

And it was confirmed by a friend who said "I'm one of those!" when I told him what this Asperger's thing was.

His experience was that when he was a teenager, he tried for a while to 'fit in' and be like everyone else. And he was thoroughly miserable. So one day he thought "S*d that, I'm not going to try" and was instantly much happier.

As an adult, he's one of the most honest people I know, to the point of brutality. He's unconventional, to the point of eccentricity. But he's got through university and lives entirely independently (some might say TOO independently!)

The alternative to getting a formal diagnosis now is to wait and see if it's needed later. We decided not to go for formal diagnosis when DS1 was 12 - we had just moved house, I had started a new job, my stress levels were through the roof, and the new school doctor agreed that it really wasn't worth it if DS1 didn't need extra help. We could revisit the decision if as a teenager he was struggling.

Actually what he struggled with was exams, touchy feely ones, so we were back to get some kind of diagnosis when he was taking his GCSEs. He got extra time for exams, which was useful for the subjects where he didn't understand WHY they were asking those questions - they ought to know the answers, after all, so why ask him?

That got him through to University, we talked to the Disability Support Services there and agreed he didn't need help, but then in year two he suddenly did, a mentor to help him get through project work. So we had a full assessment then, which concluded that he had 'fragments of Asperger's', whatever that is!

So we had a few panics, but it worked out OK in the end. What worked for us won't be right for everyone, but I think that if we'd been offered diagnosis much earlier, DS1 would not be as well socialised as he is - he could (and does) pass for 'normal' now he's a grown up, although he's an 'interesting' normal rather than a 'follow the herd' normal.

So, if socialisation is a real problem NOW, then getting the diagnosis completed may be worth while NOW. If he's happy in himself and has friends at whatever level he's capable of, you might want to wait and get the help when things are a problem. BUT there may be a long wait, should you need it in a hurry.

That may not help much ...

Indie_Kid

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

As an adult, he's one of the most honest people I know, to the point of brutality.

I think I mentioned before that an Autistic friend of mine is the same. Half the time I'm thinking "did you really just say that?"

I've been told by an aspergers counsellor who I have visited myself recently that the teenage years can be the most difficult time for aspies.

My brother really seemed to clam down during his teenage years. From the age of about 6-10 (just before his diagnosis) his behaviour was awful.

I just now end up with strange comments from him such as "lovely" when the dog tries to lick my tongue.:rotfl:

wornoutmumoftwo

The only reason I had my son diagnosed is that when the time comes for questions, I will have answers. His 7 year old brother (younger) is already asking why DS1 does things certain ways etc. He doesn't get any extra support for having a diagnosis as that was all in place anyway as the school he goes to work on a need basis as opposed to a diagnosis one.

mirry

my son is now 16 years old and for us, things have got alot worse. His obsessions are difficult to live with , we are not allowed to touch anything belonging to him or he will have emotional problems.

It feels like we are walking on egg shells all the time. Last night after one of his out bursts he realised he missed his tv programme, and now he is very upset about it and keeps talking about it.

The touble is you cant always give them a 100% full routine , because life isnt like that. He woke me at 6am a few days ago to ask me (for the 100th time) about the bus time table, he is trying to become independant and is stressing about everything .

Its come to the point we dont know how to go forward with him anymore.

Bitsy_Beans

Darcy_1 wrote: »

Could someone please tell me if they think the older the child gets the more obvious the Aspergers is? Or give me some advice if they have been in a similar situation?

Well I too thought that my DS was on the mild side and to a certain degree he is as he's not statemented as no need for it yet. However I have noticed his behaviour over things getting worse (see my other posts above). He never had an issue with "new" clothing a year ago but he's definately struggling with it now
Personally I would go for the diagnosis as given his age the more support he gets now the better for him when he's older. You won't get that support without the diagnosis.


Thanks for all the replies about DS's clothing. I think anything new is going to have to be "introduced" to him, much in the way his school uniform was. I shall also remove his older jeans and leave just the new ones in his drawer so when it comes to him picking his clothes (when I am not having to do it :cool:) they will be the only ones available.


Misc_chick - What are they suggesting you do to discipline your DS with his free time? Do they mean if he's being badly behaved then his free time is restricted?? Not sure what you mean with your post - sorry I threaten my DS with his Lego as it's his current favourite thing. I also use the time out step when he's having one of his rages (like this morning) so he can sit and calm down.

Darcy_1

Thanks for all your comments - I really appreciate it. Although he is only seven now I am so worried about the teenage years as I know how nasty teenagers can be to one another. I am trying to prepare him as much as possible for those years- omega 3, chiropractor(!), goes to taekwando so if anyone is mean he can at least stand up for himself and he is in the beavers so at least he has an outside interest for those years -ie- scouts.
Has anyone got any other ideas, tips or sugestions? I just want the best for my little boy.

Savvy_Sue

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies about DS's clothing. I think anything new is going to have to be "introduced" to him, much in the way his school uniform was.

When DS1 was younger, ALL he wore were t-shirts, jogging bottoms and sweatshirts, ie all soft cotton. He wouldn't even wear polo shirts, he said he didn't like the buttons.

However, when I got his school uniform I just said that these were the clothes he would have to wear for school. As he's a bit of a rules-based person, he was fine with that: these are the rules, we wear these clothes to school.

Mind you, OUT of school he continued to wear t-shirts, jogging bottoms and sweatshirts, and that's all he wears now unless I insist on his suit!

Darcy_1 wrote: »

Thanks for all your comments - I really appreciate it. Although he is only seven now I am so worried about the teenage years as I know how nasty teenagers can be to one another. I am trying to prepare him as much as possible for those years- omega 3, chiropractor(!), goes to taekwando so if anyone is mean he can at least stand up for himself and he is in the beavers so at least he has an outside interest for those years -ie- scouts.
Has anyone got any other ideas, tips or sugestions? I just want the best for my little boy.

To a certain extent you have to 'go with the flow'. He might sail through the teenage years as some of them do: DS1 was fine because he knew he was a bit different, and he didn't really care. I'd say it isn't worth worrying about now, because until you know what the problems are you won't know how to approach them.

Allegra

Does anyone have any experience of autistic/aspie kids or teenagers and eating disorders ? Especially aspie girls ? My DD, 13 years old (Asperger's) has recently had a bout of self-harming with a safety razor, and is now refusing point blank to eat during the day, which is having a huge impact on her moods and behaviour. She still eats in the evening, although she has cut out all "junk" and sugary stuff (which is certainly not a bad thing in itself).

mumpig

Hi,
I have seen similar things in ASD/Higher functioning ASD. When I have seen it, it has been triggered by either another influential/admired pupil/peer or unintentionally by a lesson in school on healthy eating.
In the case of another pupil who has perhaps been talking about weight/diet this can be very hard to overcome. I had a pupil who would eat anything from any supermarket and any brand-who became a "top brand" only eater for a while, due to another pupils complex about "cheap" food.
I believe Mum handled this by buying top brands only, but only essential items (for all the family) so all the treats/junk disappeared & she explained if he would only eat top brands she could only afford essentials! Didn't take that long to start introducing cheaper brands back into the shopping & noticing them quietly being eaten rather than doing without!
If it is linked to healthy eating in school/diets/peer fads, which can come across as too "black & white" for many ASD children e.g. veg=good junk=bad then it may be worth looking at the healthy plate resources which show visually that it is ok to eat high fat/sugar foods but in smaller quantities.
Also try having a quiet word with the teacher if possible & asking them to be aware of this issue in lessons?
Link to a nice pic here of the eatwell plate:
http://www.food.gov.uk/images/pagefurniture/ewplatelargefeb10.jpg

Other resources on here which many schools use:
http://www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/eatwellplate/

You need to try & find where these ideas have started to try to nip this in the bud-good luck!

Mics_chick

I happened upon a situation at my DS's school today that's got me a bit worried...

I went to collect him earlier than usual coz he had football training after school and I'd forgotten to sort out his kit in the morning.

I could tell that the outside door to his class wasn't shut properly so I went in that way instead of the main entrance. All the other children were sitting down working quietly with the Teaching Assistant while my DS is sitting on the floor at the other side of the classroom messing around with stuff on a low shelf.
I knocked twice but the TA didn't hear me so my DS opened the door and she shouted to him "Don't you dare go out of that door!" I put my head round the door and said that he'd opened it coz he'd heard me knock and she hadn't so I'd motioned to him to open it. Then I left his kit and shut the door.
I stood thinking (for about 5 minutes) about what I'd seen him doing and went back to check if he was still sitting on the floor or with the other kids.

The TA usually changed him for football but she didn't this time so I went into the hall to help him change as he is prone to messing around if you don't chivvy him along.

Then I went to his classroom to get all his other stuff and the TA was still there. She apologised for shouting at him but I know that he's a handful and can just wander off if he gets an idea into his and so that didn't bother me. But I asked what he'd been doing when he was sat on the floor and she said the others had been doing some "concentrating work" so he's allowed to touch stuff on that shelf and she thought he was building something but sounded a bit vague about it.

It bothers me coz it makes me wonder how often it happens - if it's half-an-hour or so a day I can understand it but if it's 2 or 3 times a day then I'm really concerned about it.

My DS was only officially diagnosed with Asperger's last week but it's been obviously that he was different since he started to talk.
He's on the gifted/talented register for his literacy but he's above average with his maths too.
His concentration is really bad though so I can understand how demanding he can be especially when the TA is on her own with 30 other children.
But I'm bothered about them just letting him sit and occupy himself with any old thing rather than find him something a bit more educational to do...

Am I being unreasonable or daft or ???

PS It's probably more of a concern coz my OH's brother had learning difficulties and was just left in a corner to occupy himself when he was at a main stream school. This was 30+ years ago so things have changed alot since then and I know my DS has 1-to-1 time with the teacher at least 2/3 times a week but I'm still worried...