Aspergers/ASD support thread

Indie_Kid

Mics_chick wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable or daft or ???

No. Why wasn't he joining in with the other children?

Savvy_Sue

Couple of quick thoughts, chick, the first of which is that regardless of whether it's easier / quicker / more convenient to use his classroom door, you should really go via the main entrance / office: even if they've buzzed you in at a gate, they do need (IMO) to see that you are who you said you were, and know what you're there for and where you're going. That may sound OTT to you, but it would worry me to think that parents and others could be 'at large' without the office being fully aware.

Plus, if there are classroom rules about when you may use that door, then it's less confusing if everyone keeps to them, again regardless of whether it's easier / quicker / more convenient to use that one rather than the one from the corridor.

As you realise, it caused a disturbance for the whole class, whereas that should have been less so if you'd either waited until the end or come in through the 'right' door.

So I hope you don't mind me saying that. Obviously I don't know the layout of your school or what the 'rules' are, but when mine were at Primary I don't know what the outside doors were for (apart maybe from fire escapes?) because the way in and out of the classroom was from the corridor, and if you were a parent or visitor it was via the office!

As for the actual concern about what your son was doing, I think I'd be watching to see whether you see this happening on a regular interval, or if that's not going to be easy then ask if you can make an appointment with his class teacher and the school SENCO and politely ask, outright, what provision is made when your son isn't participating in whole class activities, for whatever reason.

I'd also ask how often the whole class is left with the TA, and whether that is acceptable provision for the needs of your son. It doesn't sound as if he needs 1:1 all the time, but maybe he needs more than he's getting.

mumpig

Could you ask the teacher/TA if a special box could be put together for these times with things in your DS would find interesting/engaging that would be more educational than just random things on a shelf? Jigsaws, books, colouring, lego, sensory toys etc?
Items could be changed at intervals or could be used to allow access to desired items your ds might want during the day, comics, thomas the tank etc., which would allow time for ds to access things he wants/needs but finds difficult to accept he cannot always have because of timetable restrictions?
If the other kids are doing an activity he cannot join (although I would question this) at least he would feel he had a special activity rather than just not be allowed to join in.

mirry

My son is 16 and has aspergers syndrome.

I have always found it difficult to know what behaviour to contribute to his AS or to the normal teenage years.

Lately he has become impossible , he snaps really easily and has
started telling me to shut up. If my husband or I ask him not to speak to us in that manner he will then become really angry (as if we are causing the trouble) and shout swear words in anger.

We cant put up with this behaviour, but its knowing how to handle it ?

If we discuss it, he argues that he is right and we are wrong
(he seems to really believe it). He then becomes angry then tearful.

Last night when he became nasty and difficult to his sister when she was being nice to him my husband suggested he should watch tv in his room to calm down. Then the arguements started again .

We have had a lifetime of problems with his behaviour and Now my husband is saying we cant go on like this and he will have to move out cos we are all living an unhappy life.
Everything else in our life is nice but its living with this constant stress.

I feel torn because I love my son so much, but I have dysautonomia ,which is nervous system condition
and I must not get stressed because it effects my heart and blood pressure and I pass out alot. So its making me feel very ill.

I would appreciate any ideas in handling this difficult behaviour if anyone knows how.

thanks for reading.

sock-knitter

mirry, just read your post, and wanted to offer hugs, i am going through a similar situation at the moment, and i know how difficult it is. i shall be reading the answers with interest myself
shaz

jackieglasgow

Mirry has your son had any previous involvement with Speech and Language therapy? We have a fabulous S&LT who has now discharged DS, but has said we will probably need to come back when he is going through his difficult teenage stage, as they find - especially male - Aspergers kids need a lot of help with understanding and expressing themselves at that time. Maybe that's what you, and your boy need.

To be honest, and not unkind, I think its very unreasonable of your husband to just want to give up on your boy, if your husband is struggling so much, think how your boy must be feeling.

mirry

January20 , I am waiting for an appointment that my doctor referred us too. Its soon, but it cant come soon enough.

Jackie , yes my son was involved in speech and language support until 2 years ago. Thanks I will make a note of that.

I feel upset about my husbands response because he is such a kind man , he is feeling desperate about the situation and I think he is reaching breaking point.

I feel if we only had respite from somewhere we would be strong enough to cope. It is the constant stress of it thats killing us.
Our marriage is strong thank goodness.

My son is nearly 17 and knowing he will soon be a man
is making us think of our futures. I have a daughter who is no trouble at all and I worry about the effect all this is having on her, she doesnt say much but I know she is finding it stressful living with her brother.

we are good parents and have never hit our children , have given them plenty of our time. This upsets us alot , all we ask is for them to treat us with the same respect.

I suppose its come to a point to decide
do we sacrifice the rest of our life for daily abuse and upset ?

Do my husband and I need to split up ,
so my son has 2 homes to go to ,
that way we would have him half the week each.

There is no understanding from him ,
so I feel things can never improve and it just breaks my heart.

jackieglasgow

I think you are standing too close to this to see it clearly. Obviously it is very distressing seeing the people you love upset, and in conflict. Lots and lost of AS kids go on to have relatively normal lives, and your son is still young enough to learn how to deal with his behaviour. I would urge you not to just take note about the Speech Therapy, but to call them today and aski if they can help, you may need to wait a few weeks and it sounds like you need to feel as if you are doing something now. Good luck, teenagers are difficult at the best of times, and I am already worried about what my boy's will bring.xxx

taplady

Mirry - (((hugs))) I have a son with an ASD who is 18 so can sympathise with what you are going through. It is so difficult especially when to outsiders they look and appear to function most of the time like "normal" teenagers but when you know that they are struggling to cope. We have had many a sleepless night worrying about our DS but he seems to be on the up now he's passed through the worst of the teenage years:) so believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Suggestions I can offer to help you are

is there any family member who may be able to take DS out such as an older male(maybe in their late teens or twenties)who can give him a bit of help with the social side of life eg footie matches while giving you and your family some respite and a chance to possibly go out with your DD.

Ask the National Autistic Society for help and advice

I find that I really need to 'pick my moment' to talk to DS - when he's relaxed and in a good mood he'll open up so much more than when we are having 'words'

I dont think that splitting up is the answer as it will take away the stability which is so important to him. Hard as it is, you and your husband must try and work together and not let it divide you. You both obviously love him to bits which is why it is tearing you apart so much.

Hope I've made some sense Mirry x x x

mirry

Thank you so much for your help , Its been lovely to talk about it to people who understand. I am going to make a few calls this afternoon and see what help I can find for him

A year ago I asked the autistic society for any help and they said of a place that does days out. When we mentioned this to my son he went MAD. He does not want to socialise EVER.

taplady , there are no males in the family except grandads and babies, they live busy lifes (so no support there). But I think that would be a good idea and I have even thought of paying for that sort of thing , as a therapy point of view.