Debt, debt and more debt.

Kitten868

She has no idea. You know kids don't understand. Could you let her have the money for her clothes instead of you buying them? Then when shes only got one top it's on her. Or could she scout her own Ebay bargains? 
You know that you are entitled to money from his house and you deserve it. It wouldn't be wrong to pursue it. I can totally understand you not pursuing it though. Whatever comes out quicker. 

Have you made any progress with finding out how much you owe individual creditors? 

Keep going. You are a wonder xxx

Primrose

Not sure how old your daughter is.  Would she be interested in having some sewing/dressmaking lessons so she can learn to make her own clothes or cheaply adapt charity shop bought bargains.    She may regard that as a very inferior option now but it would be giving her a very valuable life skill.  Does she have any friends whose mothers could perhaps teach her some basics if you can't,  or maybe there are YouTube tutorials which could help

Mumoffourkids

My ten year old daughter makes some of her own clothes. I taught her to sew and she loves having bits that no one else has. Also my five year old boy has been picking fabric out for a year or so now for me to make him some clothes and now he is saying he wants to learn to sew himself.

If your daughter is old enough. Have a look at Ellie and Mac sewing patterns, they have a few patterns on sale each week at only $1 each. You have to print them, but they sound like the kind of clothes that your daughter would like ie lots of frills. If you have any questions, feel free to shout as there are loads of tutorials out there on YouTube for sewing as well.

Drawingaline

Don't blame yourself about your children. I honestly think some are just like that. My hubby grew up with a single working mum who struggled and he is the biggest spender I have ever met!!! He is much better now. I am a natural saver, and he has loosened me up with spending. I like to think we compliment each other now, but it has been a long slog. My dad is a saver to the point of being miserly, my mum is awful with money. If he goes first there will be none left by the time she goes. Not that I care really, it's their money.

All you can do is keep saying the words 'its not in the budget'. I have also used 'yes, we could buy that, but do you like eating?' and also 'well in order to buy that I would need to do X number of hours overtime'. Although I may sometimes overdo it, remember my daughter asking me if we were poor one day! A gentle reminder that she had a roof over her head, food and clothes, so, no we were not poor, but we managed our money well.

I have found my dd has really taken to a budget, allowance and using a savings account. She is now responsible for her own 'wants' out of her own £50 a month allowance. She pays £7 towards her phone bill as she wanted a nicer phone, all her own toiletries and non essential clothes etc. 

Mumoffourkids

My children couldn’t be more different when it comes to money. My eldest just spends it all as soon as she gets it. I tried advising her to set a budget once she was earning and to save some. She kept to her budget for about a week and now just spends everything again. The next one down is a saver. She babysits for extra money and tends to save everything she earns. She also saves up for something she wants but she won’t buy it until she has more than enough money as she doesn’t like spending everything she has. Then next up is my son who gets £2.50 a week pocket money. He saves his and very rarely spends it. However the next girl who is only 17 months younger than him, spends her £2.50 a week as soon as she gets it each week! All my children have been brought up exactly the same way but have completely different attitudes to money!

Suffolk_lass

To overcome the "spend everything" with my Son, we took "rent" which we saved for him. He backed his car into a colleague's car and did not want to lose his NCD. He was converted (at least temporarily) when his emergency fund was able to bail him out. He is much better now - saves £100 for car, £125 for holidays, and £51 (allows for fees) in a S&S ISA. The rest is his for bills, food, clothing and going out. It works when he has a normal month but not during this COVID situation as all his normal (flexible contract) work has gone to the contracted hours staff in locations that have been closed. They would not furlough him as he is a key worker.

Mumoffourkids

Oh god how awful for you. I really feel for you. I hope things aren’t too bad with your mum and the rest of your family.

Narola1976

I am really sorry that you had to go through this. You need to know you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing the very best you can. Children don’t realise that they can hurt us by their thoughtless words. I hope that she does reflect on her attitude and words and apologise. I know you are hurting, and it won’t erase the hurt so easily. Big hugs. Is she able to do extra chores for the allowance. £350 for a pair of trainers is excessive and if she wants this she will need to save up towards it. Maybe by the time she finally has the money to buy she will have realised the value of money.  Stand your ground because you are doing great.

Suffolk_lass

I can't remember how old your daughter is but it is never too early to teach her about budgets. Sit her down and go over the rent, bills and food, explain the need to pay debts and then ask her to improve on where the money is going. Maybe go a month with no hot water or remove the router so she understands why utilities are important, that kind of thing

Drawingaline

Omg! Do people ever spend £350 on trainers? Like normal people? 

I am actually quite shocked at your daughter's behaviour. Do not feel bad about it, all you can do is keep up what you are doing and tell your parents, directly, that your daughter is manipulating them, that she has adequate clothing and if she wants more she can wait until Xmas/birthdays. And to stop feeding her behaviour.