Debt, debt and more debt.

I entered into a DMP in March 2018 after waking up in the night feeling like I was having a heart atack. I left my ex in 2012 and was earning £22,000 a year at the time. I struggled on, paying everything and ended up using credit cards and loans just to make ends meet. I was managing the monthly payments ok until my ex stopped paying his £340 towards the children. Long story but he has manipulated my son so that he doesn't have to pay me anything. My son gets £5 a week if he stays with his Dad 4 days a week. This means he pays £20 a month, saving himself £300. The £340 drop crippled me and I managed for 6 months until I began to drown.

Anyway in March 2018 I owed £42,000 and now I owe £33,279. I pay £517 a month on a DMP and supplement my income with Ebay and Tutoring.

I'm feeling proper fed up today at the thought of the enormity of my situation. I am now married and my other half initially lied about how much money he had, amongst other lies throughout the years. That's another story! The plan is to eventually leave when I have my finances in order.

I'm very much alone in sorting this out and normally I just get on with it. Today I'm having a down day.

My family don't know and because I have a good job they think I'm well off and greedy for Tutoring and working three hours a night on Ebay. All together I'm working 75 hours a week.

They have made comments like 'you should put your children first' and not Ebay. I've set up this diary so that I don't feel as alone in this journey and have people to discuss things with who won't bring me down further.

March 2018 £42,000 July 2019 £33,279

Feb               March           
£7256.83    £7177.16    
£4354.02    £4283.25
£1600.81    £1583.02
£1137.61    £871.96

Total
Jan £14583.15
Feb £14349.27
March £14149.27
April £13915.39

«13456775

Comments

  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 90,223 Ambassador
    Academoney Grad I'm a Volunteer Ambassador Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    Happy shiny new diary :)
    Things will get easier.
    Keep plodding :)
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • jaydeejay
    jaydeejay Posts: 41 Forumite
    Will be following to cheer you on and support you through the rough times. You are not alone in this. The important thing is you have made a start and it will have an end eventually.
    JDJ
  • 4853emma
    4853emma Posts: 410 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Thank you so much for the support. I'll keep you all updated. Debt free date is years away and so I'll be here for a while.

    Feb               March           
    £7256.83    £7177.16    
    £4354.02    £4283.25
    £1600.81    £1583.02
    £1137.61    £871.96

    Total
    Jan £14583.15
    Feb £14349.27
    March £14149.27
    April £13915.39

  • FootyFanDan
    FootyFanDan Posts: 1,368 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    Hey,

    Just wanted to wish you luck on your journey. At the beginning it all seems a distance away, i personally have set myself short term goals and find focusing on them kinda puts the large end goal a bit to back of my mind. It will be tough while adjusting to new ways and methods but once you have a routine it will get easy

    You got this! Good Luck
  • 4853emma
    4853emma Posts: 410 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    DMP statement today says.

    £33,279.42

    It's coming down.

    I've got £200 in Paypal from Ebay that should cover uniforms for the children in September. Just found out my boss is retiring at Easter. This may mean a promotion for me in September 2020. If not then I'll look for one at another place, which should give me around £200 a month more.

    Feeling less fed up today.

    I can do this!

    Feb               March           
    £7256.83    £7177.16    
    £4354.02    £4283.25
    £1600.81    £1583.02
    £1137.61    £871.96

    Total
    Jan £14583.15
    Feb £14349.27
    March £14149.27
    April £13915.39

  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 90,223 Ambassador
    Academoney Grad I'm a Volunteer Ambassador Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    You can indeed do it :)
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • savingholmes
    savingholmes Posts: 27,347 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Post
    Just popping along to wish you good luck on your journey. Take time for you too in all this... practicing self care is like putting an oxygen mask on yourself on a plane - to help make sure you are in a situation where you an nurture your child.
    Achieve FIRE/Mortgage Neutrality by mid 2030
    1) MFW Nov 21 £201,999 with 237 payments to go - now £184,341 Equity 26.26%
    2) Spend on handyman & external building works & new patio door £11.9K
    3) CC £3.9K on 0% spends card but offset by £34.1K savings (part EF, part future home improvement)
    4) Mortgage neutral by June 2030 AVC £9.6K/£127.5K AVC target 7.5% value @15/4
    5) FI Age 60 annual income target £13.7/30K 45.7%
  • 4853emma
    4853emma Posts: 410 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    edited 15 August 2019 at 8:41PM
    Decided today that I need to leave my husband. I have put this off for years due to finances. Money has meant that I've been trapped with a man that doesn't love or respect me. I currently pay £517 on my DMP. I've asked them today if I can reduce this. Was wondering whether an IVA would be better for me. What are your thoughts?

    Feb               March           
    £7256.83    £7177.16    
    £4354.02    £4283.25
    £1600.81    £1583.02
    £1137.61    £871.96

    Total
    Jan £14583.15
    Feb £14349.27
    March £14149.27
    April £13915.39

  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 90,223 Ambassador
    Academoney Grad I'm a Volunteer Ambassador Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    Sorry to hear that things are not good.
    Sorry, I know nothing about IVA's.
    If your household becomes less then I am sure you could renegotiate your DMP payment.
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • 4853emma
    4853emma Posts: 410 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    So today has been a good day. I've been asked to tutor a child near my house. With the other tutoring job it gives me an extra £200 a month. I don't know whether to try and save up the money or use it to clear some of the smaller debts. Thoughts?

    I've also been buying at the auctions. DD and DS need new mattresses. I got 2 memory foam toppers for £1 each. They said it feels like they have new beds. Having an evening of Ebay tonight. Husband is at the football. I try not to get annoyed with him or let him think that his behaviour upsets and irritates me. He has a golf membership and season ticket. He also goes to away games which cost £100 after ticket, travel and alcohol. I feel like he is living his life and I'm killing myself to keep my head above water.

    I've recently sold my beloved Tag watch to raise some cash. It is the only nice thing I own. I had to get a new battery and whilst I was waiting for it he went shopping. I went into the shop and he was looking at a £300 coat. The one I was wearing cost me £20. He has debts but always has money to treat himself. I wonder where I am going wrong?

    Final bargain of the day. There's a festival near me tomorrow that is £40 a ticket. I've managed to get them for £2.50 each and so it's a little treat day tomorrow for me D
    S and DD.

    Told him today that I'm planning to leave. He wants us to go to relate. I don't think it's going to help up. I feel like I'm living with a child who takes no responsibility for anything.

    I'm very much alone in every way.

    Feb               March           
    £7256.83    £7177.16    
    £4354.02    £4283.25
    £1600.81    £1583.02
    £1137.61    £871.96

    Total
    Jan £14583.15
    Feb £14349.27
    March £14149.27
    April £13915.39

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