Debt, debt and more debt.

chelseablue

£350 on trainers? Last pair I bought were £50 and they're Nike so not Tesco own brand lol 

Primrose

I think yiur daughter will only realise the value of money when she has to earn it and perhaps she,s too young to work at the moment. Anyway, with the economy in its current state part time jobs for yiu g people will be as rare as hens' teeth.  I recall working all one summer when at school in the greenhouses of a tomato growing smalldholding picking out sideshoots all day. I stank to high heaven at the end of every day and my hands were yellow with to stop stain but still the end of the ho,iday i'd saved enough  for the shop perm ai,d been craving.  Strangely then I no longer wanted it. It seemed very poor value for all the hard work I'd out in.    One of the best money saving lessons  I ever learnt!
Is your  daughter old enough to do a paper round? 

Toni'sfriend

Please don't beat yourself up about this. £350 for a pair of trainers? It would feed a family for a month! I'm not sure that your Dad giving her money (no matter how well meant on his part) is helpful. Could you speak to your parents and tell them that she is well provided for and giving into her is not helping the situation. In fact, it's making it more difficult for you. I'm sure your Dad is doing what he thinks is best to help you but it's really not. She is being manipulative. 

Naomim

Suffolk_lass said:

I can't remember how old your daughter is but it is never too early to teach her about budgets. Sit her down and go over the rent, bills and food, explain the need to pay debts and then ask her to improve on where the money is going. Maybe go a month with no hot water or remove the router so she understands why utilities are important, that kind of thing

I agree with this and I did the same with mine. When I started this journey I sat the kids age 10 & 14 down and explained we had more going out than coming in, I had a plan but they had to help. I went through all the bills showing them mortgage, internet etc. It seemed to sink in and they have been much better at asking for things or saving for something they want out of pocket money. It has bred a bit of a money monster in 10yo now though who only wants to do chores if she's going to be paid for it.

But my stock answer if they want something really expensive is, you want it, you save up for it.

Naomim x 

dawnybabes

Your parents havent helped the situation, She has learnt how to manipulate you and them.  I’d make her give the money back with an apology.   If she wants £350 trainers (just why ?) then she needs to earn them

PurpleFairy26

Have you got some close friends you can speak to for adult conversation? If not perhaps you need to contact a charity such as Mind to seek some help. 

Well done on leaving the job that was causing you stress. 

Your mum is not doing any good for your MH. But I know from before you said you won’t cut contact with her. You need to think about limiting though if she is treating you like that. How old is your DD? Can you not set some limitations around food, her expectations from your parents etc...

I hope you feel better tomorrow. 

Jox

Sorry to hear all this emma, well done leaving your job, take some time to yourself. Why does your daughter call you so much. could you switch off yourphone for an hour. How old is she, could she wash the dishes?

I got this email the other day, its a hypnosis website I signed up to:

Assertiveness may have got a bit of a bad rap in our society,

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Well, I think it's behaving in such a way that you don't feel resentful later.

In other words, saying or doing what you feel is right in any situation so that, no matter what happens, you know you were true to yourself.

And when you do this, magical things happen...

Because assertiveness is really just deep honesty. And people can sense that.

When you have a friend, you want to be able to like, rely on and respect them. And if you can tell that they'll do or say pretty much anything just to 'keep the peace', that's very difficult to do.

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I'm not saying to do it, but there are assertiveness training and free resources out there.

I've done some zoom group therapy recently, it was £20 for 90 mins and I had 2 sessions. It's made me realise I am a doormat. I like helping people and being useful and some people have walked all over me. At least I've realised it now. It's hard to have a social life when you have kids. Hope things get better soon x

Kitten868

I'm so sad to hear this update. It does sound like there's a lot against you. But it also reads that you've been actively taking control of your life to cut out stuff for yourself but been put down for it. You are so strong. You don't deserve the negativity. 
Don't let the anniversary bring you down. That was your first step to freedom and was definitely the best move. Your daughter is a teenager and sees you being undermined and takes advantage. It doesn't make it OK but talking myself through objectively helped me get there with my threenagers so it might help, I don't know. Best I've got sorry. 
You are going to come out the other side of this so much better. Also maybe when you're stronger check if you have a case for constructive dismissal?  Keep going. You're wonderful xxxx

enthusiasticsaver

I am sorry but it sounds like your DD is following your Ex pattern of behaviour.  She is only 13 and should not be talking to you like that.  I am not surprised you are longing for her to go back to school. I think you need a referral to some sort of therapy or maybe ADs from the doctor. I would step back from your mum as she sounds like she is as bad as your DD. 

janb5

Hi Emma- I`m so sorry you`re having such  a horrible time.  Is it possible for you to sign on to protect your NI contributions?