Debt, debt and more debt.

Moneyfordreams

I can't remember if I've commented before but take care of yourself while all the other stuff goes on around you. My mum was always quite blunt often cutting, I don't know if she was about me as I was blunt back, but she certainly was about my sisters. I have always tried to be encouraging to my daughters but honest too. My eldest is 26 and she told me a few months ago I was turning into my mother. Oh the horror!! My excuse is I am the only person who will be honest with her and often bring her back to reality... I do try not the quash her dreams through, just give another point of view. ( dog breeding in small house, own business when already in £18k debt). I chose words cautiously.   

I such a shame when people lie and deceive to get what they want. You ex sounds an awful piece of work. you've done well to leave him. Nothing lasts forever. Keep your goals insight, even mini goals , week by week to keep you motivated,    

  

AntoMac

I’ve read.this thread from the beginning today and it really is a story of ups and downs.  As others have said I’m really impressed with your resilience and the progress you’ve made. I am sure that you will succeed in clearing the rest of your debts. 

Just think how things would be had you not managed to escape from your husband before we went into lockdown. What a piece of work he sounds.  Easy for me to say but try not to let him get to you. His Walter Mitty lifestyle will soon unravel.  For a grown man his behaviour is embarrassing.  I am sure you would benefit from some proper counselling - you’ve mentioned CBT but not sure if that’s happening yet. Also, there’s been a lot of really good support on this thread. 

I did smile at the story of your daughter’s team losing 9-0. My daughter’s team regularly took similar tankings. Then one game they went 1-0 down early on (as usual) but then played out of their skins to get their first win 2-1. I was so proud that day, more excited than the girls were I think! It served as a good reminder that positive things can happen when you least expect them. One day you’ll find someone to make you happy (not saying that you need someone by the way but don’t let what’s happened put you off in the future) It will probably happen when you’re not looking and least expect it.  I promise you not all of us men are R soles!  

Keep going. You ARE an inspiration even though you seem to think you’re not! 

Chrystal

It's a pity your Mum doesn't realise that being a good parent isn't about leaving money for the kids when you die.  It's about being there for them, in every way you can, whilst you're alive.  That's what you're doing and she isn't.  We can't change other people, only our reaction to them, so maybe try to feel pity for her shortsightedness.  (((hugs)))

Primrose

Emma, I think we must all expect our mood swings to be more violent in these stressful times so ai think we have to try and be mindful but more forgiving of ourselves when they happen in.

if nothing  else this crisis had made us all more aware of the really important things in our lives.  We just have to try and refocus our priorities on them and learn how to cast the "dross" elements aside. 

Moneyfordreams

Well done on your sales, give yourself a pat on the back for being so versatile. Personally if I have a work issue I find it is best to meet it head on, which I know is not suitable for you right now. Can you compartmentalise? Put it in an imaginary box at the back of your mind? Deal with it when you actually can. Again I can't remember? Do you have an emergency fund? Even a small one gives me peace of mind. Almost an escape fund, to be used for a, emergency, b, a treat, c, a cushion/breather. D, if bigger a new job fund 
  

Jox

Sorry you're feeling that way emma, it's understandable, a lot of people are worried at the moment, well done on selling the items, that is a good head start!

I'm reading The Magic at the moment, it's by the same person who wrote The Secret and she says to feel gratitude for the things you want more of, so to say thank you for the money you have and the money you earn and will receive and gratitude leads to more of the good stuff coming your way, that's what I'm trying to do, say thank you for everything little thing, maybe it's wishful thinking but I'm giving it a go x

Suffolk_lass

Are you thinking of paying down the smallest amounts first so you free up a bit of capital to start the magic snowball or were you thinking of paying the most off the most costly (interest) debts first, or something else?

Kitten868

I think going for individual debts is a great move. Definitely build you up for self managed. Maybe even final offers! Xxxx

enthusiasticsaver

Just imagine if you had not left your ex when you did you would have been in lockdown with him which would truly have been awful given the emotional abuse he gave you when you lived together.  I would not contact your mum for a while.  People have to realise when they say hurtful things there may be consequences to that.  Maybe think what the relationship really does for you other than hurt you when she says things to you to lash out.  Not acceptable. 
I do not think people can be considered a failure or success based on material wealth.  If you have brought up your children with love, security and support then you deserve the merit for that. A lot of people will lose their inheritances to pay for parental care in residential homes in old age anyway so nothing is a given. You are sorting your debt out and that takes time.  Have you checked out Dave Ramsey?  He is popular on here and advocates starting with the smallest debt.  Alternatively you could go self managed and offer F and Fs over time to get the debts cleared. Selling or decluttering while you have the time sounds like a good idea. 

[Deleted User]

So, walked 7.5k today. I'm over 40 and can still climb a gate. I'm nimble like Lizzie Ford.  The dog we have wasn't really my dog. The husband worked from home and so he was very attached to him. When we moved he developed sores all over his body and so I think he must have been stressed by the change. (The dog not the husband, he was off living his best life). The dog used to cry at night for the first couple of weeks. Move on a few months and he is very much attached to me. Follows me around the house and shouts until I go to bed. I can't go to the toilet without him being there. Tonight he was barking a lot and so figured that a 7.5k walk wasn't enough and made the children get off their games and we went on the field for a game of football. He's a little dog with too much energy.  I told them we weren't coming back until he was panting. He's asleep on the bed now. 
I used to have the 6 weeks at home with the ex and it would make me physically ill. Every time I walked into the room he was working in he would move his laptop. If he went to the toilet the laptop would get locked. Phone calls would be taken outside in the garden. He would then arrange to be away for a few nights here and there and if I was ever on my phone he would accuse me of messaging people. If I fell asleep downstairs it was because I wanted to stay up late and message men. He said that I was pretending to be asleep until he went to bed. Used to tell me how boring I was and how he was bored of sitting in with me. If I went out I would get texts telling me that I'm not where I was and I would have to send him a picture of my surroundings with my watch in it so he could see it was a current picture. If I wore a dress it was for 'easy access' (his words not mine). Oh and don't get me started on what shaving my legs meant! 
I've read Dave Ramsey and I'm going to try that. 
I'm in a DMP and so don't pay interest. I might ring all the companies and get an up to date debt amount for each. I don't think the DMP is 100% accurate.
Me and my Mum are fine now. She bites, it stings then she puts away her teeth and it's all okay. I wouldn't advocate anybody having this type of relationship but it's the one we have and unless I want to cut her off completely I have to just get on with it. Not having her in my life would be more painful.