Would it be right to ask for money instead of gifts for a wedding?

masterkay

black-saturn wrote: »

Weve already got a house with everything in it we need.

Maybe then you don't need anything at all from the people just to turn up. Going to weddings can cost people a fortune (new clothes, travel, hen/stag nights and then the gift).

Maybe it would be good to say we have everything thanks, if you do want to give us anything please give us money/vouchers or donate it to charity of your choice if you do have everything you want.

masterkay

I posted my reply before reading anything other suggestions. Now I'll expand a little. I was a bit careful before as I've seen people can take things the wrong way. This is just how I feel about it all.

I'm a traditionalist and that means wedding gifts are given to help people start out in life when they have nothing and it is normal to give tea towels and things that people genuinely need. If you have lived together before the wedding or somehow have everything (apart from a suntan from an expensive holiday) then there is no need for any gifts apart from people attending the wedding if they can.

I dislike the request for money for a few reasons:
You generally end up spending more (sometimes 3-4 times more). I normally would buy a gift from a list if they had one and something extra, personal, that I think they would like to give the thought element and no one knows what price you put on them/can afford to give/choose to give. When giving money I generally feel pressured into giving more to not seem like scrooge or just because the value is there in black and white and you'd rather be known as generous than tight. I'm only human.

Secondly, someone may give £100 but to them that £100 is half a weeks wages whereas someone else may give the same and it is only an hours work. People don't see this. I'm not saying everyone should give half a weeks wages but it puts pressure on people who earn less to try and keep up with the standard and giving that money puts pressure on them. This is a money saving forum after all and I'm not big with anything that makes people feel pressured into spending more than they can afford.

Thirdly, everyone says you don't have to give or a pound is fine. Think about it, would you want to give a pound and be known as the really tight person or the person who has financial problems? How many people have you seen on the debt and bankruptcy forum saying that no one knows and they want to keep it that way. I've been to many a wedding where I hardly know the person, not enough for me to give an indication of my financial situation by the amount of money I give.

If I was forced down the money route I would prefer to hear it was for fixing a leaky roof than some holiday of a lifetime to go swimming with dolphins purely because the latter is a luxury and not needed for general life and I don't think I should pay for such a thing.

On another note don't forget going to your wedding may be costing the person and maybe a family (parents and children) a fortune when you add everything in. I've been to three recently and £500 was the least I spent by the time I totaled everything up with one nearly hitting the £1000 mark (outfits, present, hen/stag night, travel, accomodation, food and drink).

Doing a couple of those a year can really batter the savings.

The good thing (and possible bad) is they come in waves. You get them in your early 20s when all your friends get married and then another wave seems to hit in late 30s for those waiting or going around again.

I hope it doesn't sound too negative. I just wanted to give another point of view. If it makes you feel any better nearly everyone does the "please give us money" these days so it's not as if you are doing something crazy and most people aren't as moany as me.

Good luck!

lilgreenmomo

Our friends asked for post office vouchers (High street style) & we have asked for donations towards our honeymoon.

masterkay

I just read this in the "things you've done when you are desperate thread" and I think it is genius though I would never do it.

Buy a nice gift tag, write something like... *CONGRATUALTIONS!.. We hope you love the gift!*

then when they are unwrapping their prezzies.. when there is a suitable pile of wrapping paper or cards.. slip your gift tag into the pile..

(apparently) When it's all over they will be too embarrassed to ask you what it was you ACTUALLY bought.. but as your gift tag was there.. they will know you bought SOMETHING.

LouBlue

masterkay wrote: »

I just read this in the "things you've done when you are desperate thread" and I think it is genius though I would never do it.

Buy a nice gift tag, write something like... *CONGRATUALTIONS!.. We hope you love the gift!*

then when they are unwrapping their prezzies.. when there is a suitable pile of wrapping paper or cards.. slip your gift tag into the pile..

(apparently) When it's all over they will be too embarrassed to ask you what it was you ACTUALLY bought.. but as your gift tag was there.. they will know you bought SOMETHING.

:rotfl:

Shouldn't laugh really but I like it.

melancholly

i genuinely don't see how asking for money is any different from having a list. the couple picks the items to have on their list and then they will clearly know how much anyone has spent anyway..... i find no list even worse - how do you pick something that they really want that no-one else will think of?! always end up getting champagne in those situations, which i'm sure they'd like, but i bet £25 towards something they could choose themselves would be ok! we've given vouchers in the past when a couple didn't have a list and didn't say anything.

if you think that a couple will judge you for how much money you give, then why on earth go to their wedding?!?! they can't be particularly nice people if they change their attitude towards you for the sake of a gift! weddings get very expensive very quickly for guests but people know that.

i'd avoid cash itself, just because if presents are left out at a reception the money might disappear.

i'm happy to give a bit of money for friends to go away on a honeymoon - i'm not happy to subsidise someone's lifestyle regularly, but giving £25 (maximum - would never give anything like £100, can't afford that at all, finding £25 is hard enough!) to go towards something they want, rather than a pointless token present seems ok to me. some people prefer not to give anything, and that's fine too, but i don't see that couples should feel guilty as lists/requests for specific vouchers make it much easier to sort out.

all my friends know i have hardly any money, so anything i can give will be appreciated. as i said, if i thought any of them would be offended that i hadn't spent lots of money, then i wouldn't bother accepting the invitation!

black-saturn

Thankyou melancholly. The voice of reason

HariboJunkie

black-saturn wrote: »

Thankyou melancholly. The voice of reason

BS I'm really not being funny but why do you ask for help with stuff when you have already made up your mind?

YOU asked would it be right to ask for money. Those of us who said we didn't like the idea were ignored but when someone says they do, they are "the voice of reason"

Sorry....I just don't understand why you ask for advice and then completely dismiss it out of hand.

People are allowed to disagree about things you know. It's not a personal attack. :rolleyes:

Gforce_2

HariboJunkie wrote: »

BS I'm really not being funny but why do you ask for help with stuff when you have already made up your mind?

YOU asked would it be right to ask for money. Those of us who said we didn't like the idea were ignored but when someone says they do, they are "the voice of reason"

Sorry....I just don't understand why you ask for advice and then completely dismiss it out of hand.

People are allowed to disagree about things you know. It's not a personal attack. :rolleyes:

To be fair even if BS had already made up her mind, she does seem to have appreciated hearing other peoples opinions

black-saturn

I hadn't made up my mind before the post from melancholly. His/her post seemed to make the most sense of all.