Would it be right to ask for money instead of gifts for a wedding?

black-saturn

We are paying for our wedding ourselves. We have had absolutely no financial help from anyone whatsoever. As you know weddings cost a bomb and we have budgeted as well as we can without it spoiling the day. We are spending about £2,000 in all but that inlcudes a 6 day honeymoon to Hong Kong. Just saying this incase anyone thinks I might want to spend the money on a hot tub or anything else along those lines.

brazilianwax

So what will you spend the money on?

You've paid for the wedding, you don't want any more stuff (or a hot tub), honeymoon is sorted (and I'm sad that you aren't honeymooning in Cardiff ).

black-saturn

Congrats on 6,000 posts Brazilianwax. There is going to be about a 6 week period when OH won't be earning money as he has to wait for a transfer to another branch so I guess we will be using the money to live off.

N9eav

I have not read all the posts here, so appols if this is a repeat, but I know a friend of mine is getting married and they are putting a 'wishing well' up at the reception. The idea is that guests can drop anonymus amounts of cash in for a gift or not bother if they don't want to.. Seems like a winner!!

black-saturn

The wishing well is a good idea. Or something like asking people to put money in a blank white envelope so that we don't know who gave what.

Having said that Argos do a good wedding gift service and their stuff is affordable.

Oh dear, I'm in 2 minds now

brazilianwax

black-saturn wrote: »

Congrats on 6,000 posts Brazilianwax. There is going to be about a 6 week period when OH won't be earning money as he has to wait for a transfer to another branch so I guess we will be using the money to live off.

thanks!! hadn't noticed the 6,000!!!

so people will be paying for your food shopping and leccy bill then!

N9eav

I guess it depends on your situation. My freinds have been living together for 3 years and have everything in their house. The wishing well is volunatary, puts no one under any pressure and they can use the cash to replace the worn out stuff in the house.....

If you have nothing to start with maybe Argos is a better idea....... BUT we had loads of useless stuff when we got married... still have it in the box in the attic...... Ebay?:whistle:

masterkay

I read about your wedding in another post BS and what you have done is amazing. I think more people should go down that route.

I was going to say this last night and feel a little harsh now but considering your original post says you have everything and the wedding is costing much and you are funding yourself maybe gifts and money are not needed then? Again coming back to the traditional sense. People say they don't want stuff they won't use and they have everything they want well then no gifts are needed. Saying that you have everything, and then when someone gives a gift you don't want because you have everything seems a complete waste. Gifts are not needed and in my mind money does not need to replace gifts in this case as technically nothing is needed.

I appreciate that OH may be out of work for six weeks but that is not the responsibility of your guests. What would happen if you weren't getting married and had to survive those 6 weeks? I say if you are thinking about using your present money for that to maybe rethink and try and spend it on something you really want, something to keep and obviously nothing for the sake of it. Something that you may appreciate more than your great aunt funding a weeks shop back in 2007.

I would maybe suggest you don't say we will use the money to live off while OH is off for 6 weeks if you are going to do that. That would be one of the worst things I could hear. It's a wedding, gifts are supposed to be special. Knowing my money is just going into some black hole without a thought would be annoying and again what are you going to write in the thank you notes. The money was really appreciated, as we have everything we just put it in our account and aren't really sure where exactly your money went but we know we have spent it and thank you.

Obviously playng devil's advocate here.

I think the wishing well idea is good idea, no pressure no fuss and you get exactly what you want. Then send out thank you notes for people attending rather than what they gave. That's the best idea so far in my opinion.

pipkin71

black-saturn wrote: »

There is going to be about a 6 week period when OH won't be earning money as he has to wait for a transfer to another branch so I guess we will be using the money to live off.

brazilianwax wrote: »

so people will be paying for your food shopping and leccy bill then!

As your OH is moving in with you in May/June

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=6518199&postcount=21

and the weddings not until September, the six weeks your OH wont be working will have been sorted by then, so you shouldn't need to be living off other peoples donations.

That said though, if you are upfront with people and tell them you will be using the money to cover living expenses, they then have the option of donating or not.

pipkin71

masterkay wrote: »

I read about your wedding in another post BS and what you have done is amazing. I think more people should go down that route.

I was going to say this last night and feel a little harsh now but considering your original post says you have everything and the wedding is costing much and you are funding yourself maybe gifts and money are not needed then? Again coming back to the traditional sense. People say they don't want stuff they won't use and they have everything they want well then no gifts are needed. Saying that you have everything, and then when someone gives a gift you don't want because you have everything seems a complete waste. Gifts are not needed and in my mind money does not need to replace gifts in this case as technically nothing is needed.

I appreciate that OH may be out of work for six weeks but that is not the responsibility of your guests. What would happen if you weren't getting married and had to survive those 6 weeks? I say if you are thinking about using your present money for that to maybe rethink and try and spend it on something you really want, something to keep and obviously nothing for the sake of it. Something that you may appreciate more than your great aunt funding a weeks shop back in 2007.

I would maybe suggest you don't say we will use the money to live off while OH is off for 6 weeks if you are going to do that. That would be one of the worst things I could hear. It's a wedding, gifts are supposed to be special. Knowing my money is just going into some black hole without a thought would be annoying and again what are you going to write in the thank you notes. The money was really appreciated, as we have everything we just put it in our account and aren't really sure where exactly your money went but we know we have spent it and thank you.

Obviously playng devil's advocate here.

I think the wishing well idea is good idea, no pressure no fuss and you get exactly what you want. Then send out thank you notes for people attending rather than what they gave. That's the best idea so far in my opinion.

I agree with most of what you say masterkay, apart from if bs is going to use the money for living expenses, I think it would be only fair that she does tell people, as they then have the option to donate.

Could you imagine if one of the guests has a lot of financial worries, however feels that they should donate about £50, which leaves them short, and then finds out that bs and her OH uses it for living expenses - food shopping, bill payments, etc.

That is morally wrong if all the guests are not aware that that is what the donations are for.