Would it be right to ask for money instead of gifts for a wedding?

pinkkaz

Soubrette wrote: »

I see that you would rather buy a present that pleases you rather than the recipient. Again, that puzzles me greatly. Personally I'd rather give a gift that was appreciated.

:T

Exactly.

black-saturn

I might go down the charity route. The charity I work for could do with some cash.

pipkin71

black-saturn wrote: »

I might go down the charity route. The charity I work for could do with some cash.

That would be a lovely idea, and really appreciated by the charity you volunteer for, especially as they could do with it:T

Pipkin xxx

PayPeanuts_2

Sadly I think with weddings as with all walks of life there is a kind of keeping up with the joneses attitude, which is a shame. No-one wants to be the one that comes empty handed - not because they think the happy couple will hate them, but because its just not done.

black-saturn

Surely though if one of the reasons why people don't like giving cash is because everyone can tell how much you have given surely you can still tell how much they have spent on a present.

maverickangel

Congratulations. hope it all goes well.

As others have said, it is your wedding, so you can do what you want. Also, as you know your guests you might be more aware of how they feel about the present issue then we are.

I (and it's just my opinion, I know others think differently) would be offended if I received an invite requesting cash, even if it was tactfully or amusingly worded.

I would hope I knew the couple well enough to think of some sort of original luxury present which they wouldn't have already, or would give cash of my own accord if I knew they were struggling and could use it.

Some sort of expectation that I would give cash and that other presents would not be wanted / welcome would really irritate and embarrass me. I wouldn't have a clue how much to give and it would worry me.

Often presents I give are "one offs" and I wouldn't do a cash equivalent. I made and iced someone's wedding cake for them once as a present - if they had paid to have it done it would have cost about £500, but there's no way I would have given them £500 cash! Similarly I once gave a couple a part for an old car they were restoring. It took literally months to track the item down. Cash value was probably about £30, but it was the effort of finding just what they wanted which counted, I felt.

If I were getting married I would have a strict "no presents because having you with us to celebrate is present enough" policy. If people were adamant they wanted to give then I would ask for donations to a favourite charity of mine, as that would really make me happy.

Not sure if that helps or not, just how I see it. Hope you work something out.

melancholly

i'd only add that the only downside to a small list included in invitations rather than a list registered with a shop, is that you still run the risk of getting 5 of one thing and none of another..... particularly when guests come from groups who don't know each other!

masterkay

pipkin71 wrote: »

I personally don't think it's right for two people who will both be working, have no debts, no rent or mortgage to pay to want money to top up their living expenses. It doesn't seem right.

I completely agree. I see someone made a comment saying he/she couldn't believe that we'd rather give a fancy dinner set and have the couple eating beans on it rather than money and have them eating nicer food.

What a couple eat is really not my concern. Getting wedding guests to pay for your lifestyle is a no no. If a couple only has money for beans they have bigger problems than what gifts people get them. Also if they are using wedding money to get by, what do they do next year or next time they are broke? Are they expecting top ups for anniversary presents? My point is if you have no money to buy food you cannot afford a wedding other than two witnesses, no reception and you get the piece of paper. A wedding is not a meal ticket.

This is not aimed at BS as the point about the dinner set and beans.

masterkay

Someone was counting for and against cash as wedding presents. Point about that is less people on here didn't like it but are very vocal.

It would be interesting to see how many people would mind if they were asked to a wedding where no gift was required. Would people object and would they be as vocal? Off the point I know but some things get people more upset more than others. You'll always offend or upset someone, I think the trick is picking what suits you with the minimum fuss for your guests.

Charity idea is the best so far. We did that, we were of the opinion we are adults and can stand on our own two feet and didn't need people helping us out. Of course close friends and family still bought us gifts as they knew us well enough to know what we needed. We didn't do anything official with a charity we just told people that we didn't want any gifts as we didn't need anything and if they did want to do anything they could give a small donation to a charity of their choice. We did it this way so people wouldn't feel obliged to give to charity. I think if you go down a charity of your choice and set up some way to donate via your wedding people feel pressured because you will know if they gave and how much. If you want the money to go to your charity of choice have a collection at the reception similar to your wishing well idea.

I think the key is making sure people don't feel pressured into giving more than they want/feel comfortable.

ikkleosu

This is a topic very close to my heart as it's something I am contemplating at the moment for my wedding in August - what to ask for?

There are several factors that make it tricky for me.

1) My OH has his own place, and so we do have MOST of the usual housestuff. However the stuff we DON'T have is the very small specific things that seem tricky to get on a wedding list - eg potato peeler, masher, scales etc. Some you can get from Argos etc but not all. So i was just thinking of writing a list of all the kitchen stuff we need, and hoping for the best when it comes to duplicates.

2) I HATE luxury items. I know many on this thread have mentioned the "expsensive" versions of stuff you already have, and I have to be honest i really would NOt want those. I can't stand to see a duvet set costing £50 when I could have got one I liked perfectly well for £10. There is nothing I want, that i would like the expensive version more. And I'd just hate to have people spending money on something I really wouldn't appreciate enough (I don't mean appreciate as in don't thank them for, but appreciate as in really understand something's value).

3) THERE'S NO ROOM! LOL OH and I will be living in a one bedroomed flat and we both have a lot of "stuff" (OH is a huge RPG fan and has TONS of books on the subject, as well as lots of video games. I am arts and crafts gal, so have tons of materials. We both have LOTS of DVDs and CDs too). Neither of us are a fan of ornaments and frankly there is just no room for any. I am dreading getting lots of lovely but useless knick nacks, picture frames, vases etc. As it will be a case of TRYING to find room for them.

What my OH has said he'd really like, is that we get enough cash top buy a laptop (Around £400 say) because that would mean we would not have to try and find space for 2 PCs in the flat, and it would also mean he and I could both be in the same room while we do our respective hobbies/jobs.

So I'm trying to figure out, how to get all that into one gift giving polite and not cheeky request. Maybe a list of kitchen stuff, which will be reasonably short and at the bottom say something about pretty things are lovely but we really need practical stuff and if you'd rather, we'd happily accept cash/vouchers as we'd like to buy a latop? Would that sound really cheeky?