So fed up

Gingham_Ribbon

My sister in law emailed me the other day and suggested that us grown-ups don't buy for each other, but concentrate on the children. I thought that was a great idea - and particularly good of her given she doesn't have children yet - but my brother has a child from his first marriage.

There are ways of cutting the expense of christmas. This doesn't sound like one of them. No wonder you're miffed.

Carmina_Piranha_3

gingham we said we'd do that last year but nobody stuck to it and because i knew they wouldn't i had a token gift for the adults. this year i've mentioned that i will be sticking to it

everybody keeps calling me and asking what my children want and i don't think many appreciate being told to buy what they like i know people want to get something they know will be appreciated, and they don't want to duplicate anything but christmas seems to have become like a wedding list nowadays.

Carmina_Piranha_3

calley i'm not a Christian but i like your post :T

i love how at christmas people feel the goodwill to all men more than at other times of the year. i was in town today and wandered into the victorian market (a one off) where the big issue seller was having a much easier day than usual.

Carmina_Piranha_3

mykidsmum wrote: »

I'm 34 now and as a child we didn't have a lot of money, and I can honestly say from what I can remember of christmas's past is not what toys I received (or didn't) but of who we spent christmas with, putting the tree up, the salvation army playing carols in our street, seeing santa at the co-op, my grandparents arriving xmas eve from wales, thats what makes christmas! not presents. It's a sad situation when christmas is about money, spend what you can and give your niece a happy memory (like the sleepover), it will last longer than any toy and will mean more to her.

that's such a lovely post.

i really miss the salvation army band playing carols, i haven't heard them for years. i didn't enjoy it much when i played in the band though, frozen fingers and toes :rolleyes:

Cerenia

Just thinking - as she's 11, must be either getting ready for/at secondary school, I agree with what was posted earlier about getting several useful little things and wrapping them up - i'm doing that for my 12 year old cousin, she started secondary school in sept, so i've bought some little bits of makeup (I always think 11/12 is a respectable age for girls to start using eyeshadows and mild lipglosses if they wish), and a mirror for her schoolbag and also some jazzy notebooks, with some respectable earrings/necklace etc. Something small, useful, and cute as well!

At that age as well, sleepovers are quite common, so why not some funky slippers, jammies, dressing gown, or a funky overnight bag? I've always preferred practicality on most gifts as opposed to fun (although I do like fun!), think i'm the only person happy to recieve socks at xmas as long as they're colourful and jazzy!

Btw, although i'm 20, i've been asking for socks, notebooks, pretty pens and pencils since I was 10

Slapps

in our family most of them tell me wot they can afford 2 spend on my children and ask me 2 hunt a few things out within the amount. i then give them a list and they pick wot they want 2 buy. we find this way every1 is happy.
i know it's different 4 each family. i'm on benefits so can't afford alot but i always sort something out 4 the kids in my family if only a fiver each. remember it's the thought that counts not how much u spend.

jimcon

3000 penny sweets.




and I'd be blunt with your sister - she's certainly blunt with you.


the thing about family dynamics is that they have built over a lifetime and are very hard to change.... everyone has their role to play because they have always been that way. It's hard to live your life and be free but think on this.... if you don't stand up for yourself and say "f*ck you" your children will see your actions as the correct way to act and you don;t want that do you.

be polite but firm (the f*ck you is a metaphor lol) and stick to your guns and if peopl start emotionally blackmailing you just walk away.....they tend not to be able to handle that :-).


live your life and be free.

lesley1960

Nenen wrote: »

Minimacka, I think the girly box of glitzy bits sounds lovely and all the little girls I know (of which there are hundreds as I'm a primary school teacher ) would LOVE that gift!

It always makes me smile to myself when children in my class tell me what they got for their birthday. I'm currently teaching in a very affluent area and before the event children will often boast about the new wii they will be getting (or whatever the latest expensive 'must-have' is). However, the day after the party is another story entirely... the children talk endlessly about some relatively inexpensive item (£10 or less) usually bought by a friend. It's reminds me of babies who plays more with the box and wrapping paper than the expensive toy!

One of the best (in terms of long-lasting play value) presents we ever bought each of our three children was a cheapish plastic tool-box (one of those with the lift up tray and little compartments) which 'Santa' filled with all things stationery from the pound shop (I'm so glad Santa is a bargain hunter ). I decorated each one using indelible pens and stickers. To go inside they each got: envelopes, sellotape, hole puncher, glue stick, scissors, ruler, pens, pencils, stencils, split pins, highlighters, treasury tags, date stampers (like they use in the library) staplers, ring reinforcers (they LOVED those for some strange reason ) calculator, sticky labels, colouring books, lots of different papers, note books and jotters. I think I spent the equivalent of about £10 each on the contents plus about £7 for the box.

They all took their tool chest with them everywhere they went for years afterwards so always had something to do (kept them out of mischief) when visiting older relatives etc. Fortunately Santa was very kind and sent new supplies each Christmas! In my experience, children just love having lots of little bits and bobs of their own and choosing to make little books, cards etc etc provided hours of fun. Nowdays you can also add lots of lovely gel pens, 'The Anti-Colouring Book' (from ELC) and numerous other bits and bobs all available in cheap shops or supermarkets.

As they've got older the boxes continue to be used... ds1 for fishing tackle, dd for Art stuff (she's now studying Fine Art) and ds2 still uses his for stationery and electronic bits and bobs.

I used to feel soooooo guilty that we couldn't always afford the latest thing for our children but, now they're older and I actually like and respect them as kind, caring, hardworking people, who appear to understand what is truely valuable in life I'm really glad! To the OP... before I go toooooo way off topic in my waffle.... for what it's worth I bet your sister will live to regret the way she is bringing up her daughter when she hits the inevitable consequences of her approach as time goes on! :rolleyes2 :doh: :doh: :doh:

When mine were young my mum used to cover a box with wrapping paper and it it with bits and bobs , like colouring books , pens , stickers , pocket games , they loved it and still talk about them now as their best present

dsljfreeman

I just read the original post and it makes me really anygry when families act like this, this is not what Christmas is about, your sister sounds like a b*"#h, I'm sorry to say a hurtful word but it seems like she is more bothered by the presents bought for her own child than what to buy for your children, you should take the same approach and TELL your sister how much and what to buy your children.

I have 1 nephew and I budget £20 for his xmas present, if I can get a toy for cheaper then brill but if my brother ever said to me had to spend X amount I would say if he was gonna be like that I wouldn't buy anything.

How dare your sister dictate how much you spend, this has really got my goat, as a previous poster said, looking back at childhood christmas' how many people can really remember what presents they got, not many, what we remember is the things we did and the people that were there, putting up the decorations and the anticipation of going to bed on xmas eve and trying not to fall asleep on the off chance we will catch santa.

We have a son and are due our 2nd on boxing day, our family ask what to buy for our son and I always answer with what his interests are but never with an amount, it wouldn't bother me if they spent £5 or £50, it's the thought that counts.

I'm sorry to go on and on but it's really upset me that you feel bullied into paying a certain amount or presents for your niece.

I hope you and your children have a fab xmas xx

chocogirl

Just been sitting here catching up on all the posts, thanks a lot again for your support and for some great ideas too, I love the Tool chest one, and teh girly box too, i enjoy being creative so they would be great for me and its so useful. I feel tons better about things now, just got to be brave too, and tackle the prob.

I started scrabooking this year, and may do this for my sis or maybe my niece, as she never bothered to take any pics of my niece but now she has a new one on the way, she is getting a digi camera from my parents so there will be loads of pics of the new addition.
And i have loads of pics of my niece from baby to recent I may do a scrapbook to give to sis or niece, as maybe she will start to feel left out when there is no pics of her but lots of her new bro/sis, and if sis moans about it, just let her try.