So fed up

seven-day-weekend

I hate Christmas because of this palaver. It'd just money, money, money.

If the sister says 'something hamster related' - well, hamsters love chewing and making nests out of toilet roll tubes.

I would give the little girl whaever you think she would like, whether it costs 50p or £50.

The charity cow is also a good idea.
http://www.sendacow.org.uk/


It's not up to your sister to dictate what you should buy.

And if the sister doesn't like it, just say that you'll just buy for your own in future (but give the little girl a present when you take her out).

Hope it gets sorted.

Nenen

I do think that parts of this thread are sad too and yet it's lovely to hear all the MSErs chipping in who obviously DO value the true meaning of Christmas (or giving in its wider sense).

In fact, I feel very sorry for the people who just don't seem to understand what giving (and receiving graciously) is all about. In my experience, these people are usually deeply unhappy and insecure. They think their happiness and self-worth has to be bought (or proved) through gifts of a certain 'price' or by having the latest 'designer label' or 'in' thing. Often, as fast as they get the one thing they think they really want, they realise that hasn't made them happy so look for the next 'thing/purchase' which they hope will provide lasting contentment.... of course it never does and that's sad too.

A few years ago some very dear friends of ours were going through a difficult time as the husband had been made redundant and the wife (until then) was a SAHM. They were (and still are) the kindest, most genuinely supportive and altruistic people I know.

They wrote to all the friends and family members they usually gave presents to (a couple of months before Christmas) and requested that we all agreed not to give any presents to them or their children that year as they couldn't afford to give anything back.

I wrote back and explained that what they had given me and my family in love and support over the years (they'd helped us so often when we had three children under 5 and no family support) was worth far more to me than all the Christmas presents in the world and that I felt strongly that I didn't give them a Christmas present just so that I could get something back. Therefore I asked if they'd mind if we continued to give them all a little present. I said that in the circumstances, just so there was no awkwardness amoung our children (who were a bit young to understand) I would deliver presents for her children secretly (to be put in their stockings). That way I felt I could help them out a little with stocking fillers without them feeling too much of a 'charity case'.

My friend rang me in floods of tears... she was so touched (sorry if this sounds like me showing-off but at the time I felt genuinely bemused that our friends would think that just because they couldn't buy us anything we wouldn't want to buy something for them). Apparently, everyone else they'd written to (of whom there were many... most of whom had been helped by this wonderful couple in a myriad of ways) just agreed that they would not give presents. Even very wealthy siblings had not offered to buy a little extra something for their nephews and nieces at this difficult time. I found that really sad.

My friend was adamant that she wanted our children (hers and mine) to see and appreciate the way we valued giving but was worried that my children would feel left out if they weren't given anything (they were all under 7 at the time). She asked if it would be OK for her to give our children a card with an invitation for a sleep-over as a gift. I thought that was a wonderful idea and that's how we compromised... she wasn't left feeling embarrassed that she had nothing to give and I could give what I wanted to give irrespective of anything in return! I didn't realise it at the time but it actually became quite a life-long lesson for our children... the funniest part of all being that our children thought that they had by far the better gift with a sleep-over and her time... to the point they were quite disappointed a couple of years later when our friends financial situation improved and they gave them a toy instead!

mumofjusttwo

Nenan you sound like a truly wonderful frined who appreciated what Christmas is always about.


OP I agree that your sister shouldn't dictate how much you spend. I am sure that if you had spent £100 pound on her she wouldn't be quite so quick at getting £70 out of her pocket.

As already mentioned focus on your children first then buy something that you can afford for your sister and her family.


Please try and enjoy Christmas, maybe you could buy her a calculator

newcook

I love xmas and would always rather spend time with loved ones than spend money on things that may not get appreciated.

As a child my mom always told me and my brother that it doesnt matter if you cant afford to buy presents so long as you get people a well thought-out card to show you are thinking of them - my brother used to do this until last year when me and OH received a card from what I presume was an assortment box of cards. What most upset me was I didnt get an 'aunty' card.

I had spend a whole day looking for cards suitable for my brother and his family (they have 5 kids and my sister lives with them as well) - they are still sat in my card drawer as I felt too upset to send them and just ended up sending selection boxes instead.

Over the year they have missed our birthdays (mine, OH's son and OH's 30th) which again upset me (so much that on OH's sons birthday I wrote a card from my brother and his family).


If I were you I would get neice what you feel comfortable with spending - there is no point putting yourself into debt to keep your sister happy.

chocogirl

Just been reading throught the posts left last night and today, thanks alot, some really good advice.

Nenen what a lovely post yours was to read, and i thought it was great about the sleepover and how yor children thought it was the best present, mine love sleepovers too, when they go on sleepovers its a nice treat for me too, having an evening to myself.

I do feel so much better reading all your posts, and will defitnately sort this out once and for all.

Keeping_Positive

I cant believe how some people expect xmas pressies to be equal etc etc. I have never thought that way and the amount I spend varies to what I think will be the best present. I do try to put as much though in as possible. If I find something special I will pay a bit more but the following year it may cost less.

It did cross my mind that my sister who had two kids had a raw deal as I had three but hey now she has four!

I dont expect anything and hope my presents are enjoyed.

minimacka

Nenan - im sat at work (in a all male office appart from me) with tears in my eyes, ive kept having to blink away my tears and stop reading your such moving post. What a lovely family you have.

Anyway to add my twopence worth I wish that our family had a bit more christmas spirit rather than "im not really bothering" from certain family menbers. We have done every year like most families bought for the children and because my sil has up to now had no children we have bought for her and her partner. This year however with a new partner with a dd of 8 we have decided that we are to buy for her, I dont think that it went down well but hey thats what we are going to do. Anyway I have another 2 sil one of which has 2 boys (just like me) and another one has dd who is 8, the sil with dd told us that she wasnt really bothering much this year and is spending £20 each on her nephews (which is lovely £20 is a good amount) but then promptly told my other sil to get her daughter a pressent which was £30 :eek: . Now because we have 2 ds each and she has only 1 dd then yes I do normally spend a bit more on her dd but to be told what to get her made my other sil very annoyed. I think she has the same attitude as your sister in the fact that she has only one child and that she has to buy for two.

chocogirl

Yeah Wendy, thats how i would like to do it, just shop for what i think is nice and suitable for them, it feels such a chore otherwize and thats not what it should be about.

Minimacka, sorry to hear that your sil is similar to my sis, it makes you so mad.

minimacka

Chocogirl - What makes me so mad aswell is the fact that ive bough my neice and our new neice lots of little girly bits and ive wrapped them up in a huge pink box with a lovely white massive bow on top and although my new neice's parents will appreciate it (i know because they have already seen the box and commented on how lovely they are) I dont know if my other neices parents will. I do it because I enjoy doing it not because I feel obliged to, I only had 1 girl in our family to buy for and love to buy girly things but her mum usually says oh dont bother its just tat and she has lots of tat. grrrr.
Ive told my dh that if there are any bad comments about the parcel this year then next year she is getting 1 pressie that I have bought her and thats it.

chocogirl

Minimacka, it sounds great, i am sure she will love it, that has given me a great idea for what i could do too for my dd,, so thank you for that idea.
I feel the same i am going to enjoy christmas shopping this year and if sis moans or etc then tuff. Why should she ruin my enjoyment.