Equity - Boyfriend - new house argument

Annieireland71

I keep telling him this - but he refuses to listen


he is really angry at the moment, and hes taking it out on me

calleyw

Annieireland71 wrote: »

he says that he cannot work because i treat him badly and he is down all the time. he also blames my teenage dughters that they can be disruptive and spoil the peace and quiet.

i think that if the house sells and its straightforward he will take the 50% - i wont be able to mortgage a new poperty as i have 24k debt and 2.5 overdraft

im really screwed

Better to get out now then another 10/15/20 years of it.


I would say that he has narcissistic traits. Seems he has need for control, blaming and deflecting, lack of boundaries, lack of empathy any of these ringing a bell? There are many more traits. He is not going to change.


So your choice is stay with him and suck it up and put up with it all or two bite the bullet. Sell up and rent somewhere. Owning a house is not the be all of life.


I would rather live in a tent and clean loos if it meant I got away from someone who treated me that way.


Yours


Calley x

Mojisola

Annieireland71 wrote: »

he is really angry at the moment, and hes taking it out on me

Of course he's angry - he's realised that you're seeing him for what he really is and that his free ride is about to stop.

hazyjo

He is getting angry to stop you wanting to confront him about anything. So he gets angry, you stop asking. It's his way of controlling you. And sounds like it's working.

Stop the conversations, it's time for action.

I remember being with some bloke (15 ish years ago) who said he was single. Then turned out he lived with his GF. Then said they were living separately, had split, and were just sorting the financials. Then months later, still nothing. Looking back, I am SO PEED OFF that I wasted breath and time on him. The amount of irate conversations and emails that went back and forth (once ruining a holiday when I was with a friend to try to forget him, we were even rowing down the phone from my balcony). I was deluded because I loved him. False promises and lies. Last I heard, they had a baby together 5 or so years ago lol. I think I felt the same as you - that I loved him, that there was light at the end of the tunnel, that I just had to trust, listen, stop doubting, being negative, nagging, whatever... but looking back I should have just said 'f--- off then' when I found out what he was really like. There were loads of lies. I wonder whether I actually even questioned whether I wanted to be with him or whether it was just a case of wanting to get it all resolved. It's very easy to get caught up with things as they just snowball. Walking away was the best thing I ever did.

He used to email every blue moon. Very very controlling still. Obviously gutted I walked and he lost control. Would say things like 'let's just meet for coffee, or in a park, just as friends' and call me names and say spiteful things when I said nope, we're not friends and I'm not interested as I'm very happy in my relationship. Think I blocked him in the end.

One day you will look back and realise you were with an abuser.

Candyapple

Annieireland71 wrote: »

I keep telling him this - but he refuses to listen

You keep telling him what exactly? What does he refuse to listen to?

Annieireland71 wrote: »

he is really angry at the moment, and hes taking it out on me

He’s angry because he can sense his gravy train is about to come to an abrupt halt so he is doing his best to exert pressure and control on you by any means necessary to keep you in line and back on board with being the dutiful slave so that you’ll shut up and continue going to work to ensure that his lifestyle continues.


The house you have sold – how much did it sell for? What is the total equity in this after the mortgage is cleared?

The house you are looking to buy – how much is it? What would be the total deposit that you were (both) planning on putting down?

What is the total of your debts including credit cards / loans / car finance / overdrafts?

What is the total of your partner’s debts including credit cards / loans / car finance / overdrafts?

What is your salary?

Annieireland71

House sold for 235k
equity £33k each
i have £25k debt
deposit needed woild be all of equity he found a house he loves but its £5k too much and hes told me i need to sell my car

new house is £270k with a 55k deposit

his debt is £36k for his car and £12k credit cards

my salary is £36

Comms69

Annieireland71 wrote: »

House sold for 235k
equity £33k each
i have £25k debt
deposit needed woild be all of equity he found a house he loves but its £5k too much and hes told me i need to sell my car

new house is £270k with a 55k deposit

his debt is £36k for his car and £12k credit cards

my salary is £36

Rent somewhere. You have no money.

fred246

Just come across this thread. I find it really fascinating. Myself and another work colleague both had wives that refused to work. We used to exchange notes. Both our wives are highly educated and could easily have been employed but they chose not to. We just responded by working harder and doing more overtime to keep the family. We came to the conclusion that there was little we could do about it. I am a millionaire but it has all come from my hard work. If we split my wife would expect to take half of it in a divorce settlement.

chesky

fred246 wrote: »

Just come across this thread. I find it really fascinating. Myself and another work colleague both had wives that refused to work. We used to exchange notes. Both our wives are highly educated and could easily have been employed but they chose not to. We just responded by working harder and doing more overtime to keep the family. We came to the conclusion that there was little we could do about it. I am a millionaire but it has all come from my hard work. If we split my wife would expect to take half of it in a divorce settlement.

Well, at least you can afford it.

Annieireland71

fred246 wrote: »

Just come across this thread. I find it really fascinating. Myself and another work colleague both had wives that refused to work. We used to exchange notes. Both our wives are highly educated and could easily have been employed but they chose not to. We just responded by working harder and doing more overtime to keep the family. We came to the conclusion that there was little we could do about it. I am a millionaire but it has all come from my hard work. If we split my wife would expect to take half of it in a divorce settlement.

I would hardly say my life was fascinating