Equity - Boyfriend - new house argument

Annieireland71

Comms69 wrote: »

Rent somewhere. You have no money.

ok and thank you

Mojisola

Annieireland71 wrote: »

House sold for 235k
equity £33k each
i have £25k debt
deposit needed woild be all of equity he found a house he loves but its £5k too much and hes told me i need to sell my car

new house is £270k with a 55k deposit

his debt is £36k for his car and £12k credit cards

my salary is £36

I hope you laughed at him and told him that he needed to get a job!

Candyapple

Annieireland71 wrote: »

new house is £270k with a 55k deposit

my salary is £36

How does this work? Even if you did a multiplier of 4.5 for your salary, that would mean a total amount the bank would lend you would be £162k, plus the deposit of £55k = £217k. Yet the house you are looking at costs £270k? That's a deficit of £53k. Not including the price of stamp duty, solicitors fees etc.

Annieireland71 wrote: »

his debt is £36k for his car and £12k credit cards

He has a £36k car on finance and doesn't even work?! Was he planning to sell this?

Annieireland71 wrote: »

House sold for 235k
equity £33k each
i have £25k debt
deposit needed woild be all of equity he found a house he loves but its £5k too much and hes told me i need to sell my car


he is saying that he will allow me my equity back on the proviso that I give him a £12k lump sum after completion AND that he moved with me - he wants to contribute to the bills & mortgage in the new property BUT wants 25% of the equity of the new house as he is contributing 25% of the bills. I have said NO but he is kicking off.

Logically this makes no sense. If you sold and then split, he would get £33k to do with what he wants and move onto his next victim. You however would be left to rent and unable to buy.

But I suspect he is playing the long game of securing his future by trying to make it seem like he is being the martyr (by giving you his £33k back to use for the deposit) when in reality he is just milking you for even more money by getting you to pay him ANOTHER £12k to clear his debts, he still gets to live rent free in the new place PLUS he also retains 25% of the equity in the new place without having to do anything! It's win win for him! :rotfl:

How is he proposing to pay this supposed 25% of bills and mortgage in the new place...........without a job? Or is it like some form of inception where he asks you for money and you give it to him and then he later gives it back to you/pays the bills with it? :rotfl:

Personally I think you should sell and split. I genuinely cannot see a reason why are you continuing with this relationship. You love him? No, this is far from what love is. Far from what a healthy relationship looks like.

You should split, he can do whatever he wants with his half, he is no longer your concern. Use your £33k to clear your £25k debts and use the remaining £8k to seek intense counselling and psychotherapy because it sounds like you need years of it to sort your life out and understand the underlying reasons why you allowed yourself to get into this relationship/situation.

The fact that you will have no more money to buy a new house should be the stark reminder of what your poor decision making has led to. It may sound harsh, but its reality. You had over £100k equity to begin with. Now you will be left with nothing. Let that sink in.

Use your salary in the meantime to rent somewhere and save the old fashioned way for a new deposit in the future. Perhaps this way the next time a man enters your life, you won’t be so quick to gift him what is essentially your children’s inheritance because you know how hard it was to earn it in the first place.

calleyw

Annieireland71 wrote: »

House sold for 235k
equity £33k each
i have £25k debt
deposit needed woild be all of equity he found a house he loves but its £5k too much and hes told me i need to sell my car

new house is £270k with a 55k deposit

his debt is £36k for his car and £12k credit cards

my salary is £36

I am confused is the house Sold Subject contract? As where are you living now?

Take your equity and walk away now. Better to be in debt then having to live like you are.

36K on a car and he does not work????? But expects you to sell your car. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. See the control you are expected to go with out but not him.

I know you are in love with him and the pain of leaving is going to be massive. But take the emotion out of it. Does he look a good catch? What if a friend came to you and told you the same story. your first reaction would be to tell her to leave.

I would say this is abusive relationship. Abused woman take on average 7 attempts to leave. You have no children together and soon no joint assets.


He will contact you when you leave to try and get you back. Get a new number.

I would say run not walk away and don't look back.

Yours

Calley x

fred246

I do have sympathy for you OP but to me the interesting part was that you can't really do anything about a partner that won't work. There doesn't seem any help in law. Not being married might make a difference to your situation. The only 'solution' I could see was for me to give up work too. After re-possession of the house and bankruptcy etc she might then work. I might have done that but I knew the children would suffer so I just kept working.

Annieireland71

Mojisola wrote: »

I hope you laughed at him and told him that he needed to get a job!

i toold him more than that!!!

KatrinaWaves

fred246 wrote: »

Just come across this thread. I find it really fascinating. Myself and another work colleague both had wives that refused to work. We used to exchange notes. Both our wives are highly educated and could easily have been employed but they chose not to. We just responded by working harder and doing more overtime to keep the family. We came to the conclusion that there was little we could do about it. I am a millionaire but it has all come from my hard work. If we split my wife would expect to take half of it in a divorce settlement.

Millionaire but concerned about term time holiday costs?

Your wife doesnt work, but has a job?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/75598759#Comment_75598759

You drive a top of the range 3 litre Audi yet frequently post about your 15 year old car and small petrol hatchback.

Dont come onto threads where people are clearly having a hard time and lie about your finances and life. Your old posts clearly show you are lying.

fred246

KatrinaWaves wrote: »

Millionaire but concerned about term time holiday costs?

Your wife doesnt work, but has a job?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/75598759#Comment_75598759

You drive a top of the range 3 litre Audi yet frequently post about your 15 year old car and small petrol hatchback.

Dont come onto threads where people are clearly having a hard time and lie about your finances and life. Your old posts clearly show you are lying.

The only article I have ever read about refusing to work was this
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201509/addressing-refuse-work-syndrome
If you read the article she did exactly what they say and took a job that lasts for a few hours a day. So she earns up to £4k a year.

calleyw

Annie,

Can you get away for a few days with your children. Even if its Airbnb.


You need some space to clear your head. Turn your phone off and then go and have some fun, quality time with your children.

You know deep down he is treating you with no respect or as an equal partner. He will bleed you dry and keep expecting you to remortgage until you have no home.

Don't say you are leaving but start to plan to it. And when everything is in place pack your bags and leave.

Take care

Yours

Calley X

Candyapple

fred246 wrote: »

Myself and another work colleague both had wives that refused to work. We used to exchange notes. Both our wives are highly educated and could easily have been employed but they chose not to.

It’s called being a mug. Both your wives saw you coming. Never ceases to amaze me how dumb some men (and women) are and what they purposely choose to put their blinkers on to. Highly educated and refuse to work? Nah, more like highly educated enough to snag men of yours and your mate’s calibre i.e. rich with good jobs, got into relationships, secured the bag with marriage, house bought, and then later having kids. Why would they work? Tale as old as time.

I especially like this line :rotfl:

fred246 wrote: »

We just responded by working harder and doing more overtime to keep the family.

fred246 wrote: »

We came to the conclusion that there was little we could do about it. I am a millionaire but it has all come from my hard work. If we split my wife would expect to take half of it in a divorce settlement.

Like I said, you were the mug who married her. People never change. Her true intentions would have been there from the start, unless of course she was a master manipulator of the highest form and managed to keep her game face on the entire period you two were together before you got married which is highly doubtful.

There are women and men out there who are gold-diggers and want nothing more in life than to sit around and do nothing on someone else’s dime. They are easy to spot. As I said, usually it’s a case of the person who falls in love with them has their blinkers on for whatever reason whether that is loneliness / insecurities / childhood issues and cannot see past their BS until it is too late and they have legally tied themselves to that person then said person is free to behave how they like knowing they are set for life.