My EX is threatening me ...

jackomdj

Personally I would let him know that so long as all the t's are crossed and i's dotted as described by many posters above, you are willing to move as soon as possible, but as you have found a property you want and you have to wait you want him to compensate you for having to go into rented accomodation in the mean time, and pay for the various costs associated with moving twice, such as checks, removal vans etc.

financegeek

Life's too short to let someone else control you. get your money and your name off the deeds, then get out of the house as quickly as you can while you look for something else.

If he were to stop contributing to the mortgage payments (whilst your name is still on the mortgage) this would stop you being able to move on as well as it would negatively affect your credit history. Do you want to lose your chance to buy for the sake of having to lodge somewhere for a few months?

if you're buying a new build it's likely to be delayed past the estimated completion date. do you really want to spend your summer (and potentially rest of the year) having to communicate with someone that's bullying you?

Your current lender won't remove you from the mortgage without your consent. He's not breaking the law nor money laundering, so don't believe whoever that came from.

lincroft1710

getmore4less wrote: »

In many ew build sites the showroom is the show house(set up in a garage)

When I used to go round inspecting new houses on estates, the sales office was often a converted garage (sometimes attached to a/the showhouse), but it was never referred to as a "showroom"

Socajam

michelechan wrote: »

I know, he is playing with my emotions big time He made it like im the one that walked out of this relationship. The way he is treating me right now is shocking and cruel as i have never met anyone like that before. I understand the relationship has ended and have accepted the fact its over. I am prepared to move and focus on the next step house hunting etc but when he keeps manipulating me, threatening and blackmailing me, i feel so distressed and is draining my energy. I know i will be fine eventually, i just dont need the constant threat and manipulative.

Here is a bit of advice, it takes time for you to be able to do it.
When he speaks to you or hells whatever he does, count to 10 before replying or don't reply at all.
You know he is yanking your chain, so be a polite as possible and stick to your guns. He fully knows that there is only so much he can do, but by bullying you, his goal is to wear you down.
How I am going to be personal here: some of us suffer during the time of the month, if you are one of those, do not do anything until that time has passed. During that time our emotions are all over the place and whatever you do could cost you dearly in the long term.
If both of you are entitled to 50/50, that is all you want, plus if you are paying the full mortgage/bills, his share need to come out of his 50% - this he knows, but will try and get every penny out of you if he can.
You are going to have to grow up real fast in this situation, stick to you guns. Some days are going to be hell, but this in the long term will be your maturity degree.
Get everything in writing, no he/she said - writing, so he cannot go back on his word.
As I said before change your mailing address, stop your mail from coming to the house - he cannot be trusted because the longer this take the more frustrated he will become.
Someone is pushing his buttons and deep down you now it might be another woman (the foolish not realizing that he could do the same thing to her)
You have some good people on here, before committing on what you plan to do, post it before making a decision. In the final analysis the decision is always yours, but it does not help to get input from others.

Socajam

Stop reaching out to him, you are making yourself sound desperate.
Do not speak to him unless he speaks to you. There is nothing to discuss.
If you have something to say write him a letter.
You are giving this man too much control over you and he knows it and is taking serious advantage
Start by growing a backbone. If he turns up, put on some trainers and go for a walk.
If he asks where you are going, we do not have a relationship, so my whereabouts is no concern of yours and leave him there to stew.
Or go into another room and not come out until her leaves.
He is a bully and bullies knows how to break down those they consider weaker than them.
Do you have a brother, friend's brother or some man who could approach him and tell him to back or because you have people who cares about you and they will not stand by and let him take advantage of you.

gycraig_2

So he's taking on 20 plus thousand in negative equity ? Take his offer of the deposit back and run.

Honeylife

OP There is a lot going on here. You are going through a relationship breakup and having to split property/possessions simultaneously. Some people can handle the property thing quickly and move on, others can't move that fast. Took me five years to recover from a divorce and only subsequently resolve property/possessions It was resolved in Court. My OH ex girlfriend it took about four years and AGAIN it was only through the Courts that he got resolution on their joint house.

I did make use of an injunction against my ex when he attempted to bully his way into the property and harass me into signing stuff wthout a witness. I only communicated through solicitors throughout the entire matter. The emotional breakup was dealt with through Bereavement Counselling. Acknowledge that it is a loss of your companion and all the plans you had for your future together. You are extremely vulnerable at the moment and need some professional assistance. (This forum is limited)

Please retain a solicitor to deal with the House/ dog etc. Ask your GP to refer you for Counselling so you can talk through the emotional side of this break-up. And remember everbody has a different period of time for " getting over" break-ups.

jlaw4

theres some great advice on here, lots of it i could of done with when i found myself in the exact same situation a year ago. I know exactly what your going through!

My advice is reiterating some of the others but DO NOT MOVE OUT WITHOUT THE PAYOUT. i didn't realise what power staying put has granted me, as others have said, if you move before being paid he just won't do it. and also EMAIL every conversation and retain a copy in a file, it isn't legally binding but if it goes to a court at any point you have a log of everything you have agreed at various points.

you will find it difficult to get a solicitor to draw up anything as there are no laws that cover unmarried couples, so anything legal may help in a court but isn't enforcable. i'm suspicious of his intent to actually buy you out, you stated his solicitors haven't contacted you, if this was urgent they'd be in touch. he probably hasn't even instructed one yet (believing you will leave with nothing, mine is the same!)

there is a tough road ahead and i had counselling in the beginning as its mentally draining. trust me, he will back off eventually. don't rise to it, don't contact him. try to live your life as best you can.

i wish you the best of luck!

steampowered

michelechan wrote: »

Anyway he dropped me a long formal email
...
I didnt reply
...
6 days later he dropped me another email
...
I still did not reply to his email

It sounds to me like you are being unreasonable.

Your ex tried to communicate things formally in writing. That is a good way of going about it. Yet, you seem to simply ignore all of his contact.

Then, you insist on a face to face, and get upset.

As it seems that your face to face discussions with your ex are ending in tears, you are much better off keeping things in writing. Leave the emotion out of it.

I am prepared to leave as he wish and have decided to buy my own house rather than renting. The problem is i need time to find my own place but my ex is not having any of this and is threatening and forcing me out by 30 April.

Have you actually told your ex this?

What you need to do is send your ex an email simply stating that you are searching for another property, and will be moving out once another property is found.

Won't you need your equity from this property to afford your next place? If so then there needs to be a chain, and your property should be going on the market now anyway.

(i have agreed to let him buy me out and all i need is time to find a place)

If he is buying you out, you will need to agree the price. You should respond to his email in a calm fashion to negotiate the price which will be payable upon you leaving the property.

The price should be based on the amount of equity you put into the property compared to the amount of equity he put into the property - nothing else.

BrassicWoman

michelechan wrote: »

The reason i didnt reply to his email is because the email he sent out is like to one of his clients and I am not his client.

That’s really childish. You aren’t anything else to each other any more.

He sounds to me like he’s simply explaining consequences of your inaction. That’s not threats.