My EX is threatening me ...

G_M

michelechan wrote: »

I only found out that he wants to buy me out on 28 February and in his email he said he is happy to discuss about the house face to face or via phone or email.

Has he put in writing how much he will give you?
Have you had the property valued yourself?
Do you know how much equity you/he put in? Is a 50/50 split fair?

HampshireH

Financially he wont be ok if the house gets repossessed and his credit is affected.

Socajam

middleclassbutpoor wrote: »

The advice you are getting is limited by the lack of understanding of your full circumstances and/or the lack of understanding of what you want to happen:

If you are happy to move out so you can move on with your life (and have no children)

1- Get the house valued by 3 local agents (if asked....don't tell them this is down to a relationship dispute and the house isn't likely to go to market. Tell them that you have split up and that you are looking at putting to market so you can both walk away).

2 - Call your mortgage company to understand what the outstanding mortgage is so you can understand what equity is left in the house.

3- Set the amount that you would therefore be due based on a 50/50 split

4 - Explain that when he can furnish you with evidence that he is able to complete the transaction then you will start to look for alternative accommodation and not before.

5 - Explain that your lender will want you to confirm that you have had legal advice before the mortgage can be transferred into his name so assuming that he can get the mortgage co to agree - do not sign or move out until you have had legal advice.

If you have children, seek advice sooner because you may be entitled to more than 50% and you should be looking at maintenance payments from him, which he will need to declare in terms of expense.

If you don't want to move and can afford the debt yourself, then maybe suggest that you buy him out so he can move on.

My guess is that there are probably people 'in his ear' about what to do and if he doesn't deal with it quickly it's going to cost him more etc. Maybe you don't fully yet understand why he left and he wants this resolved before it all comes clear?

There has also been an assumption that you went into the transaction with equal footing and that no trust deeds or suchlike were involved.

You probably need to explain a bit more about your circumstances so people can help explain what you should be considering or where you should be seeking professional advice from.

Best advise written so far.
I went through the same thing a in 1989 - seems like centuries ago.
Do not sign anything, make sure that you are treated fairly, do not accept anything unless its 50/50 (if you are entitled to it.
Who is paying the mortgage now - if that is you, make sure that you receive his half of the mortgage that you paid during this time.
Can you make an appointment t with the financial institution who holds the mortgage to state your case. For all you know, he may have told them a whole heap of lies.
As others have said, get three estimates for the property, do not leave this up to him as he cannot be trusted.
If you have a joint account, remove your portion of what you are entitled to and get an account in your name only.
Get your mail sent to your mom's or someone you can trust address. You cannot trust that he is not coming to the house and taking your mail.
Keep copies of all bills as any money you have paid out should be taken out of the assets before being divided.
For what it's worth, I think he is involved with someone else and is being pressurized into pushing you out.
Stand your ground and fight for what is yours. Do not short change yourself.
I lived through this, came out a stronger person and today I have my own place that is mortgage free - you can do it, but first there are some heavy bumps to overcome - good luck.

Socajam

michelechan wrote: »

What i want is time to look for a new place to move to, and thats all i want - time.
When i said i need time to move he wont listen but wanted me out by 30 april, i said that is unreasonable and unrealistic. He then kicked off and got very aggressive and threatening me about how he is not going to pay for the mortgage and the house will get possessed and we will both lose out. and he also said financially he is going to be ok with that and will i! It was horrible to hear because he is using his power and Director role earning almost £100k or more than me.
He keeps threatening me and blackmailing me about this!

He is bullying you and hoping to wear you down - yes its hard, but you have to stand your ground.
Once you leave that house, he will move in with whoever he is involved in. I would not do it
If he refused to pay the mortgage it will be on his credit report as well as yours.
Being a Director means he have more to lose than you and he knows it
Just think when he goes for his next position and this shows up on his credit report
You have to start thinking outside the box.
Once you get the house valued, tell him this is what it will take to have you walk away.
Make sure you start high, do not start low because he will try to bring you down to an even lower figure.
Is there an endowment attached to the mortgage? That needs to be taken into consideration as well.
He can see that he is wearing you down and will continue until you give in.

kazwookie

Do not sign anything

Get someone in to value the house, you do this not him.

middleclassbutpoor

I'm not going to write loads further to what I have already said because if you are more focused on how he has acted and being worried about him being upset with you, there is nothing anyone can say on here to help you move this forward.

My take on what you need to do is send an email to him stating the following (you may wish to choose your own words):

<Insert name here>

Further to your emails and our discussions around our living arrangements, please take this email as confirmation that I am prepared to leave the property upon you removing me from the mortgage and providing an agreed amount of compensation.

Based on the above, I can confirm that I am now in the process of instructing 3 local estate agents to provide me with a market appraisal to understand what the value of the property is. Upon obtaining these 3 valuations, I will provide these to you in writing again so we can come to an agreement on the amount of equity that remains in the property and what should be paid to me in fair compensation for being removed from the property/mortgage.

Once we have agreed the amount for me to move on, I expect that you will need to arrange your finances accordingly.

Therefore until you are in a position to provide me with evidence to fully complete the transaction, I cannot make any arrangements to move on. At this stage I understand that I will require legal representation as a condition of <insert your mortgage lender in here> agreeing to this and for me to ensure the transaction is completed fully & correctly and I am fully protected. I will furnish you with my solicitors details in due course.

Please note that I do not feel it is anyone's interest to protract this matter out any further than necessary, however, I will not vacate the property until I am assured that I have financially been compensated for leaving the property and I have no further liability towards it. Should you require me out of the property by a date, I would advise that you co-operate with me in trying to achieve what we both want.

Threats of stopping mortgage payments are of no interest to me as this will have impact on both our credit files and I understand that a repossession process would not get you possession of the property either. Your equity will be eaten into and the additional costs would be completely unnecessary given that we are both trying to achieve the same outcome.

Whilst this is ongoing, I would appreciate it if you cease any further communication with me, other than in writing, as there is nothing else that we can discuss at this point and I believe that the best use of our energy at this time is in trying to ensure this transaction takes place as promptly and smoothly as possible.

<Insert sign off and your name here>

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE THE PROPERTY BEFORE YOU ARE REMOVED FROM THE LIABILITY FOR IT. HE WILL NEVER PAY YOU OUT AND HE WILL HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU FOR MANY MORE YEARS. STAY STRONG FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS AND TRUST THAT THIS WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE LONG RUN.

financegeek

Although you should seek legal advice, i do think from what you've said his offer is more than fair money wise, in terms of you getting your deposit back & him paying the costs / fees etc if the house has dropped in value.

If i were you i'd be taking his offer and finding a short term let while you look for a property to buy, before he changes his mind and splits the remaining equity 50/50 after fees have been deducted.

It does sound like he's being a bit of a bully by threatening you, but he probably just wants a clean break to move on with his life and a months notice is more than enough for you to find somewhere, even if it's not a long term solution. In reality you've had since the start of the year to think / plan on where to move next as you must have known you staying in the property long term wouldn't be financially viable.

From the way you talk about him and want to see him, I'm not sure you have fully accepted that the relationship is over, and therefore seem to want to make it difficult for him to prolong contact?

jay213

michelechan wrote: »

It is not about the money issue, i am not concern about that at all as he has agreed on how much he is going to give me back which is my deposit amount. Its a 4 bedroom house new build and currently the showroom is listing £20k less than what we bought ours ... but he has arranged surveyor to come over on wednesday to get the property valued.

Yes we both paid 50/50 on the mortgage.

I think you want more than just your deposit back? if you have been making mortgage payments since you've moved in. To be confident of the value you have to get your own valuation done as he could get somebody to give you a undervalued figure.

Currently you have as much right to be there as he does. Like others said communicate through email. If there's any threats or anything you have it in writing.... not he said, she said.

Like a few others mentioned a short rental may be an option before buying, especially if you're thinking of moving to an new area.

Make sure before you move out either way that you'll be receiving the money. I'm not sure how that works but I would guess some sort of contract.

D_M_E

If you have joint bank account, go into a branch and tell them - take a letter with you explaining and hand it over - that you want your name removing from any and all joint accounts, but before you do make sure there's no or little credit in any/all of them and nothing overdrawn and don't leave until you have been removed from said accounts.

middleclassbutpoor

michelechan wrote: »

Omg thank you soo much for taking the time to draft out this email for me. I really appreciate your help and advice. I will send him that x

No problem. All your doing is following the correct process. Whilst this may be frustrating - the process is there to protect everyone - you, your ex and the lender... There are unfortunately no shortcuts.