My EX is threatening me ...

ACG

Personally, I would not move out until he has put the house and more importantly the mortgage in his name.

Get him to crack on with that whilst you are looking for somewhere. If he is not getting the paperwork sorted now, then he has no intention of doing it and you will probably find you are tied to a mortgage as his urgency for wanting you off the house will die down once he is in there.

jimbog

getmore4less wrote: »

You have had 10+ weeks to get your act together to decide what you need to do.

End of April is plenty of time to sort something out even if temporary.

Is this a wind up?
It is just as much your house as his. You don't have to jump just because he wants you to

Tigsteroonie

Just to add, it is entirely possible to find somewhere to rent, and then move, within 4-6 weeks. I did so over a distance of 400 miles when my previous relationship broke down.

You've known since January that something would have to happen - either you buy him out (and get to stay), or he buys you out (and you have to move). You'll know from being together whether either of these are possible, and what is more likely. So what have you done so far in that respect, it's now March?

babyblade41

My daughter got lan injunction against an ex partner very quickly and was easy to do she didn't feel safe and had a child.

She has as much right as he does so he doesn't call the shots and she should be able to live there whilst looking without fear .

She does need legal assistance with the house splitting so might be worth engaging in one now and getting proper advice rather than here who have no clue of the circumstances

diggingdude

I think its important to know how much you are paying towards things. He sounds like a right numpty but we are only hearing one side of the story so its hard to offer advice other than get everything in writing, check it, check it again, and get someone not emotionally invested in this to support you

middleclassbutpoor

The advice you are getting is limited by the lack of understanding of your full circumstances and/or the lack of understanding of what you want to happen:

If you are happy to move out so you can move on with your life (and have no children)

1- Get the house valued by 3 local agents (if asked....don't tell them this is down to a relationship dispute and the house isn't likely to go to market. Tell them that you have split up and that you are looking at putting to market so you can both walk away).

2 - Call your mortgage company to understand what the outstanding mortgage is so you can understand what equity is left in the house.

3- Set the amount that you would therefore be due based on a 50/50 split

4 - Explain that when he can furnish you with evidence that he is able to complete the transaction then you will start to look for alternative accommodation and not before.

5 - Explain that your lender will want you to confirm that you have had legal advice before the mortgage can be transferred into his name so assuming that he can get the mortgage co to agree - do not sign or move out until you have had legal advice.

If you have children, seek advice sooner because you may be entitled to more than 50% and you should be looking at maintenance payments from him, which he will need to declare in terms of expense.

If you don't want to move and can afford the debt yourself, then maybe suggest that you buy him out so he can move on.

My guess is that there are probably people 'in his ear' about what to do and if he doesn't deal with it quickly it's going to cost him more etc. Maybe you don't fully yet understand why he left and he wants this resolved before it all comes clear?

There has also been an assumption that you went into the transaction with equal footing and that no trust deeds or suchlike were involved.

You probably need to explain a bit more about your circumstances so people can help explain what you should be considering or where you should be seeking professional advice from.

iammumtoone

Why are you insisting on face to face meetings when they upset you so much?


From now on communicate by email as per his wish as this will be helpful to you as well. Emails give both parties time to consider what they want to say, you will have everything in writing (including any threats if he gets nasty again) which will be helpful to you further down the line.


How much of the mortgage are you currently paying? Can you afford it all if things get to that stage and he stops paying his share?



Selling your share and buying at the same time is going to be really stressful. I suggest you find a six month rental to move into as a stop gap then look to purchase a new home from there.

chucknorris

michelechan wrote: »

We also have a 9 months old cocker spaniel together which he took with him and refused to let me see her.

I realise that it is probably not your priority, but you did mention it, so I'm assuming that this is also important to you, this might help:

https://www.unlockthelaw.co.uk/pet-custody-in-divorce-uk.html

As you didn't say that you are married, I'm guessing that you are not, from the link:

Pet Custody If You’re Not Married
If you are not married, a court may make the decision on strictly legal principles – the pet belongs to the person who paid for it. If you paid for the dog you can evidence this to the court through receipts and invoices or any Kennel Club registration you may have.

Cakeguts

michelechan wrote: »

I know is about moving on my life and i am ready for the next chapter. All i need is time to find a place to move to. I do not want to rent but have decided to buy my own place and i just need time to search for a house right now but he is not having any of that.

That comes over as you wanting what you want and him wanting what he wants with no one about to give way.



I would have thought that if as you say he is threatening you. You would want to avoid all conflict not make it worse by stating that you won't give way either?



The easiest way out of this is to move into rented wait until the house is sold and then buy another. But since you are determined to take the hardest route which is to try to force him to do something he has indicated he isn't interested in doing you are fact proving that you are happy with the conflict.



No one on here is going to take sides. Sorry about that.

G_M

middleclassbutpoor wrote: »

The advice you are getting is limited by the lack of understanding of your full circumstances and/or the lack of understanding of what you want to happen:

If you are happy to move out so you can move on with your life (and have no children)

1- Get the house valued by 3 local agents (if asked....don't tell them this is down to a relationship dispute and the house isn't likely to go to market. Tell them that you have split up and that you are looking at putting to market so you can both walk away).

2 - Call your mortgage company to understand what the outstanding mortgage is so you can understand what equity is left in the house.

3- Set the amount that you would therefore be due based on a 50/50 split

4 - Explain that when he can furnish you with evidence that he is able to complete the transaction then you will start to look for alternative accommodation and not before.

5 - Explain that your lender will want you to confirm that you have had legal advice before the mortgage can be transferred into his name so assuming that he can get the mortgage co to agree - do not sign or move out until you have had legal advice.

If you have children, seek advice sooner because you may be entitled to more than 50% and you should be looking at maintenance payments from him, which he will need to declare in terms of expense.

If you don't want to move and can afford the debt yourself, then maybe suggest that you buy him out so he can move on.

My guess is that there are probably people 'in his ear' about what to do and if he doesn't deal with it quickly it's going to cost him more etc. Maybe you don't fully yet understand why he left and he wants this resolved before it all comes clear?

There has also been an assumption that you went into the transaction with equal footing and that no trust deeds or suchlike were involved.

You probably need to explain a bit more about your circumstances so people can help explain what you should be considering or where you should be seeking professional advice from.

Do ALL the above.