My EX is threatening me ...

Legacy_user

My ex and I bought a house together last year, both of our names are on the title deeds.
He has decided to end the relationship on for no reason. He left and packed some of his clothes and gone to stay at his brother's house. A week later he came back to pack all of his clothes and said he has made the decision that he doesnt want this relationship anymore. It was really shocking devastating and heartbreaking to me. I spent days weeks and months questioning myself what have i done wrong because everything was going fine.

Anyway he dropped me a long formal email like to a client, telling me what he is going to, buy me out the house and how he is going to contact the bank etc and i need to move out by the end of next month 30 april. I didnt reply to the email because we never have a face to face discussion about the house. 6 days later he dropped me another email and said he has proceed and take action of what he is going to do with the house. I still did not reply to his email because i am not his client! Things like this should be discuss face to face in a mature manner.

So i decided to call him last week and asked calmly to discuss about everything face to face in a adult mature manner. He refused many many times but in the end he did turn up at the house to have the discussion.

During our first discussion, i was really calm and spoke softly and nicely. I told him that i am prepared to leave as he wish but the time frame is unrealistic and unreasonable as i need time to look around for a new place. He was not happy and got angry, pointing fingers at me telling me that it is not his problem that i cant find anywhere to move to... he literally shoot me down to the bottom. He was very angry and manipulative and also threatened and blackmailing me how if i dont move out by the end of 30 april he will stop paying mortgage and the house will get possessed and i will lose my deposit and that i will struggle ... he continues with "financially im ok and have no problem with that but are you" He is using money to threatened me once again. The reason he said financially he is ok is because he works for a company as a Director and earns alot of money more than me but seriously, still, i dont deserve to be treated this way as i have not done anything wrong and not the one that walked out of this relationship.

We also have a dog together which he took with him and refused to let me see her.

He came home today and picked up a couple of letter. I asked nicely to have another discussion as i really want to deal with this in a amicable way. I have been looking at places to move and still looking, it is not possible for me to move out by the end of April. He got very aggressive and horrible started threatening and manipulating me again in every way he could. He wouldnt listen to what i said, he just want me to agree on everything he wants in his way! He said he will bring the paperwork over for me to sign in the next two weeks! When i try to speak, he just stomped out the house and drove off! I was left shaky and threatened and emotional unstable.

His behaviour and actions toward me really making me feel extremely uncomfortable, frightening, shaky, scared, and nervous. I have never been treated by anyone like this before in my life and it is extremely frustrated that i cannot control how i feel right now.

I am prepared to leave as he wish and have decided to buy my own house rather than renting. The problem is i need time to find my own place but my ex is not having any of this and is threatening and forcing me out by 30 April. He has already gone behind my back to proceed with the bank about buying me out and i just got told today that someone will be coming around soon to do the survey.

Can he force me to sign the paperwork/ force me out the house? (i have agreed to let him buy me out and all i need is time to find a place)

i feel extremely uncomfortable, threatened, nervous and shaky with the things and the way he talked to me. I struggled to eat sleep and think straight. It is damaging my emotional health right now and effecting my day to day activities. I am willing to try again to have a third amicable discussion but i dont think it is possible as he is acting like he has narcissistic personality disorder! What can i do to get him to stop treating me this way because i cant handle it anymore?

Browntoa

By not dealing face to face but by email so you have evidence.

Face to Face isn't working.

Find a short term let or houseshare and move out , you don't mention you can afford to purchase the home yourself . He cannot force you out if your name is on the land registry.

It's not about right or wrongs now , it's about moving on with your life

[Deleted User]

He can't force you out because your name is on the deeds. The house is as much yours as his. Can you afford a mortgage alone?

tacpot12

He can't force you sign, but what advantage is there for you in staying in this conflicted situation?

I would prioritise finding somewhere to move to, and I don't think I would tell you ex where this is as he sounds like he is not very stable.

babyblade41

Firstly I would get an injunction on him to keep him away which will give you some time to relocate without the fear of intimidation.
You also have to protect your half of the asset so make sure if he wants to buy you out then get a valuation so you are bought out for the amount it is worth now so you can move on .

If he stops paying the mortgage he probably won't be able to buy you out . his threats are pointless .

Get some advice too so you're clear in what he can or can't do and change the locks

scd3scd4

I would suggest having a brother, dad or friend next time. He would not speak to my daughter like that.


Just stand your ground and say no. I will leave as soon as I can and anymore of your aggression and I will phone the Police.


You may give in for an easy life but...................what happens when he try's to manipulate you on the value of the house. Because that's next.

jimbog

Get some legal advice and sign nothing.

BISCUIT1

If you are happy to move you should get a couple of different valuations of your own to ensure the price he comes up with is fair..don't sign anything until you have had it checked and are happy it is correct. Good luck x

HampshireH

babyblade41 wrote: »

Firstly I would get an injunction on him to keep him away which will give you some time to relocate without the fear of intimidation.

Get some advice too so you're clear in what he can or can't do and change the locks

You can't just "get an injunction" they aren't like buying sweets. The OP has invited him to the home. He hasn't arrived without notice or forced himself into the property against her wishes by the sounds of it. Therefore it doesn't sound like he needs keeping away. OP refused to engage by email and insisted on face to face. A judge would question this and the OP would need to evidence the need for an injunction

Changing the locks is also not great advice. He has a legal right to enter the property. By changing the locks and not providing a key you prevent him exercising that right. Legally he can get the locks changed again should he choose to as could she if he did the same thing.

OP you don't say how much your house is worth, how much you paid in and have paid in since your deposit or what you are being offered.

On this basis legal advice is wise so that you get the best "deal" possible. Don't settle for being taken for a ride. Assume the letters etc you have received from him are from a solicitor? If not get yours to write him on telling him to back off whilst you find somewhere to live.

If he stop paying the mortgage he hurts himself as well. Do you contribute to the finances at all at the moment?

dimbo61

Well you need to speak to either a solicitor or CAB for good advice.
Do you have kids ?
You have only recently bought the property so I am willing to bet you will have ERC,s early repayment charges to pay if you sell next month

getmore4less

You have had 10+ weeks to get your act together to decide what you need to do.

IF you can't afford the place then your only sensible option is to move on.

Decide how much you want in cash to be bought out and when that money is ready you can move on with your life.

End of April is plenty of time to sort something out even if temporary.