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My EX is threatening me ...
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I have to say that I side with your ex on this.michelechan wrote: »As i cant see my dog, i asked my ex to at least drop the dog back to me for the weekend as i really missed her and really wanted to see her. He refused and wont let me see her at all!
Thats why i told him it would be best for the dog resides with me as she will spend everyday with me and he can see her whenever. Im the person that if i say something I will keep my words unlike others.
He got very very aggressive and said i cant have the dog and i will not have the dog. I said if u want me to leave, i will leave but with the dog.
He then got very angry and said i am blackmailing him etc .... basically didnt go well and keep telling me that hes not going to pay for the mortgage and the house will get possessed bla bla bla ....
It sounds like that if you were given the dog for the weekend, you would have kept it and refused to give it back.
I am sorry to be unkind, but it sounds to me like you are making yourself sick. It also sounds like you might be the one who is blackmailing your ex by refusing to move on with your life.
It sounds like your ex that has been doing all of the work - he has been contacting the mortgage company; he has agreed to buy you out; he is proposing how the property can be dealt with.
Your ex doesn't have to buy you out by the way. He would be perfectly within his rights to ask that the property is sold.
The impression I get from your posts - rightly or wrongly - is that you have done nothing while your ex does all the legwork. Despite you having plenty of time to sort things out.
Relationships break down - that's part of life. You need to play your part in moving things on so that you can both move forward with your lives.
Have you viewed any other properties yet? Have you taken any other concrete steps like getting your own mortgage in principle? If you were to get a move on and start viewing properties, so that your ex can see you are making an effort to move on, that will go a long way towards reducing the temperature and angst.0 -
That's fair enough. You should definitely get your solicitor to look over the paperwork and make sure you understand it before signing anything!
Your ex might feel much happier if you are able to tell him that you've actually viewed properties, got a mortgage in principle etc. - just something to demonstrate that you are making progress.0 -
michelechan wrote: »I have told him a few times that i have been and still looking for houses and also been to a few development to view the properties. He is not willing to listen to any of that but keep saying to me that i have no plan to move out of this property ...
Correct him, its OUR property!!0 -
It would be much easier for you to buy your new property once you have your deposit money back from your ex, assuming you need that money to fund your purchase.
It sounds like you have a financial offer from him that you're happy with; I'd be inclined to accept that, do whatever I could to make it happen ASAP, then move out once I had the money back. I wouldn't want to overcomplicate matters by trying to tie it in with a purchase too; renting/lodging for the short term would mean you can take your time finding a new place to buy with less pressure, plus you'd be a chain free buyer without complications.
I hope you can come to some agreement with your ex about the dog; that must be very hard.0 -
BrassicWoman wrote: »Just because one person is unable to move on, doesn't mean they should hold the other to ransom for the rest of their life.
It's not 'the rest of their life' it's until she finds somewhere else to go.
If I were in her position, I'd put my feet up and tell him to go fiddle. If he stopped paying his half of the mortgage, I'd move in a lodger.
Possession is 9/10ths and all that.
Her ex needs to wake up and smell the java."If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair0 -
No practical advice but this bloke sounds like a complete kn0b
One day you'll be in a lovely home that's all yours and 2 fingers to him! x0 -
It's not 'the rest of their life' it's until she finds somewhere else to go.
If I were in her position, I'd put my feet up and tell him to go fiddle. If he stopped paying his half of the mortgage, I'd move in a lodger.
Possession is 9/10ths and all that.
Her ex needs to wake up and smell the java.
Whilst he pays the mortgage he’s entitled to come back to the joint property whenever he wants (if the locks are changed he’s entitled to break in).
He’s entitled to get in the bed that’s partially his any time he likes.
Do bear in mind that he has 50% possession whenever he chooses to.
Yes you can chose to dig in but be aware he’s entitled to turn up and get in his half the bed whenever he likes so just be aware of the consequences.0 -
michelechan wrote: »I am happy to leave just need to find a place to buy and yes I have been looking already
Take a step back ad try and look at this objectively.
It could take 6 months plus for you to find somewhere and complete. My understanding from what you have said is your ex is offering you actually more than the property may be worth as the price has dropped since purchasing. Whist his behaviour is poor look at what is best for you financially.
If I were you I'd look for a short term rental, you are then in a position of not being in a chain and having your finances ready to go.0 -
Hi,
I agree you should stay put until you have your pay out and are taken off the mortgage - using a solicitor to confirm everything is done. If you move out and your ex moves in the process could stall. You will not be able to buy until you have the money for your deposit from this house but also until you are no longer liable for this mortgage as you would fail affordability of the mortgage (you would also owe an extra 3% stamp duty if you still owned this place.
You seem certain that your ex can buy the place alone (because he earns 100k), which may well be the case, but depending on the circumstances it's also possible he can't. Let's imagine you paid 400k for the house and put in 20k each giving a 40k 10% deposit.
You say an equivalent new build is for sale for 20k less than you paid so let's imagine if that's up for £380 that yours is worth max £360. Your deposit in this case is completely gone. Your ex needs to find 20k that he has promised to pay you out and 36k for a 10% deposit on the new value plus legal fees so maybe he would need 60k right now.
If you don't mind sharing the numbers and whether your ex has debt etc we can have a better idea how easy it will be for him to buy you out alone.
Tlc0
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