Money Moral Dilemma: Should I miss my sister's wedding?

rwgray

A wedding usually involves booking time off work, hiring a car or investing in rail travel, booking a hotel and paying hotel prices for meals and drinks while away. On top of all this, most of us can't afford a gift. Your present should be your presence.

I'd always dress cheap and shop cheap rather than miss the occasion.

Rich.x

dickavis

Stop dancing to her tune. Go if you want or not if you don't. If you can't afford anything on her wedding list (assuming that there is one) then see if you can split the cost of a gift with a relative or friend. If you can't do that, buy something that you can afford and offer her the option of exchanging it. If she is unhappy with that, that's her problem. You're causing yourself unnecessary stress.

charlotte1994

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Say to your sister "I can just about afford to come but I can only afford a small gift, does that mean you'd prefer me not to be there?"


(If she wants you there you should get a small gift, even if its a token for a tenner, and put some thought into it, if she only wants you there if you give her £100, hell no, don't bother.)

Imo this is a perfect response, I think the sister has blinkers on!

humptydumptybits

rwgray wrote: »

A wedding usually involves booking time off work, hiring a car or investing in rail travel, booking a hotel and paying hotel prices for meals and drinks while away. On top of all this, most of us can't afford a gift. Your present should be your presence.

I'd always dress cheap and shop cheap rather than miss the occasion.

Rich.x

I've never had to book time off work for a wedding, never had to hire a car or use trains. I have once stayed overnight in a hotel for a wedding. I've been to alot of weddings.

Pollycat

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Their is unfortunately no excuse to miss your sisters wedding....

I disagree.
There is, however, no excuse for setting a minimum monetary value on a wedding gift.
For that reason, I'd gladly miss the wedding.

Red-Squirrel_2

humptydumptybits wrote: »

To make it clear though in my family/community it is something people would budget for and also be aware that when it is their turn they benefit from the same system.

I wonder how many people in your family/community find it a real struggle but feel they can't say anything? Or will in the future with wages not keeping up with inflation and job security a thing of the past.

What about the people in your family who don't get married, how do they benefit?

BucksLady

In this situation I would be thinking ''whatever happened to sisterly love''?
Any caring sister would see that the costs of the wedding might be a problem and make suggestions accordingly i.e, ''please don't worry about buying a present''. I was once advised by a friend that ''those who care matter, but those who don't care, don't matter at all''. I think it was good advice.

borkid

humptydumptybits wrote: »

I've never had to book time off work for a wedding, never had to hire a car or use trains. I have once stayed overnight in a hotel for a wedding. I've been to alot of weddings.

Then you're lucky. My son was married hundreds of miles away from where we lived. My daughter went to the wedding but couldn't afford anything. We paid her travel costs, she went with her dad as she was too ill to travel by herself and I travelled separately. Also we paid for her hotel and meals. Her present to him was she was the photographer so saved them over £1000. Just the few hours taking photos though took a toil on her health and months to recover.

Most of his friends couldn't get time off/ afford the travel or hotel. The following weekend we hosted a 2 day party to accomodate them. They only neede to get themselves to my house we provided all the food, drink and 'lodgings'.


Personally if anyone, family or friends said they wanted a present of £x amount they would very quickly be ex.


Re OP could something be made. I made a housewarming gift recently cost about £30 to make but to buy would be nearly £200 and it would be a unique piece.

crmism

Your presence at the wedding is what's important, not the monetary value of a wedding gift. You know how bad you'd feel if you didn't turn up for it, and I'd like to think your sister would feel likewise.

Forget what you've been told. It's entirely up to you what you get, so either buy something within your budget, or make something useful. How about napkin rings or a set of place mats, if you can't make anything? They might not seem much, but it's always the thought that counts and I've rarely met a married couple who've never used them.:)

humptydumptybits

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I wonder how many people in your family/community find it a real struggle but feel they can't say anything? Or will in the future with wages not keeping up with inflation and job security a thing of the past.

What about the people in your family who don't get married, how do they benefit?

They get to enjoy a family occasion, good food, plenty to drink and good company.



To be honest it is something that goes back to at least my childhood in the 50s and I think people had hard times then. Obviously if people can't give they don't but if times are hard then celebrations would be scaled back so covering your plate would be alot less so if I think back to the 50s the reception would probably have been in a church hall and all the female relatives would have helped with food, alcohol would have been bought in bulk and no manned bar so it would be quite cheap. Quite possibly, even probably, cheaper than going out for the evening to somewhere that you would be buying your own food and alcohol.