Money Moral Dilemma: Should I miss my sister's wedding?

John_Gray

Does she want you also to attend the inevitable subsequent divorce?

No?

Then ask her why you should part pay for it by giving her an expensive wedding present!

RandomRainy

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Say to your sister "I can just about afford to come but I can only afford a small gift, does that mean you'd prefer me not to be there?"


(If she wants you there you should get a small gift, even if its a token for a tenner, and put some thought into it, if she only wants you there if you give her £100, hell no, don't bother.)

This is much more diplomatic than what I was going to say. What a great idea.

I was going to say go and enjoy the wedding, she won't know about your small gift until after the wedding. If she's upset then that's her fault for being such a cheeky !!!!!! :rotfl:

Roy_The_Boy

Buy her some more sand

moneyistooshorttomention

It would put a "nasty taste in my mouth" to be told I had to spend a certain amount (even if I could afford it).

I'm guessing OP is single? - and that means they are worse off than sister is about to be anyway (courtesy of only one income to pay the mortgage/bills/etc). But OP could be worse off even if they are married (eg had a job loss or similar).

With the "nasty taste in mouth" I'm not sure I'd even want to attend the wedding in the first place anyway and would be inclined to think "If they don't want me there for the sake of having me personally there anyway - then why would I want to attend?"

As others have stated - we have no idea what the costs of attending the wedding will be. At its worst - it could include travel, a night's stay somewhere, etc and maybe new clothes are necessary (eg OP doesn't have anything suitable to wear and sister would "go off on one" at OP for coming dressed in jeans & trainers for instance). So - the wedding gift would indeed come on top of any of these expenses OP would have anyway.

I'm another one that thinks sister should just want the attendance of her relatives and friends there anyway - for their own sake - to share the occasion with her. The presents are an "added bonus" and, if people can't afford them, then they can't afford them and that should be accepted.

Sounds like it's time for an older relation (eg the mother or father) to sit the sister down and give them a bit of a talking-to about their grabby attitude (as I expect they're being this way with others as well). The sister hasn't quite "grown up yet" and expects others to pay her way for her.

Cimscate

I'd quite like to hear the sisters side, very brief dilemma from the brother. Has she really made his attendance at the wedding conditional on the gift I wonder. In general I'd say family is the most important thing.......

King_Drax_I

If you want to go to the wedding, you go to the wedding. Don't miss it just because she's being awkward; you might not be able to forgive yourself later.


Gifts are not entrance fees. She can 'expect' all she likes, but as far as I know, no wedding in the UK is allowed to be performed behind closed/locked doors; this is so that 'if anyone knows of any lawful impediment', they can be there to declare it. So they can't stop you coming in.


And personally, I pity her poor husband. Sister or no, she sounds like a right battleaxe.

Sister_X

My sister told me she was a bit disappointed that I didn't buy a new outfit to attend her wedding (this was many moons ago). I didn't feel guilty at all because at that time I had a new baby and a toddler and I was working part time so it was all I could do to afford any kind of wedding present for her and I simply couldn't afford to get myself a new outfit..what I wore was nice enough !!!
I can't remember what I spent now on her actual present but I know that whatever it was it would have been within my means. I never understand it when I hear people getting in debt eg to buy expensive presents at Christmas time.
My advice to you would be to attend your sister's wedding
and be true to yourself. Don't feel bad if she is a bit miffed because in your heart you know full well that if the boot was on the other foot you would not mind if she didn't buy you something she couldn't afford. (if she says anything to you that's what I would tell her)
I simply wouldn't worry too much about it. She will have SO many other things to be thinking about xx

humptydumptybits

I think it depends on alot of things, the culture in my family/community is that you "cover your plate" and food and entertainment can easily come to £100 a head for a nice wedding but that would also mean the happy couple would choose somewhere that is easy access for most people (can't suit everyone but if you and most of your relatives live in Kent and you decide to get married in a Scottish castle you have to accept it is going to cost guests a fair bit to attend.) Guests would also expect to be well catered for, so a good meal, free wine, something like a bbq in the evening and a free bar. We'd also expect children to be invited so no childcare costs, sorting out accommodation for people who need to travel to attend which could be anything from hotel rooms booked to asking cousin A to offer her spare room to auntie B and so on.


Not enough information on this one to judge but asking for money is in bad taste, no one I know would do that but by the same token no one would turn up at a wedding without an appropriate gift be it money or goods.

tain

Ask if she'll take the 'gift' when you can afford it, and give her a set time for that. At least that might buy you a few extra months and she knows your intentions are good.

Otherwise you're kinda damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Pretty selfish position to be put in, but discussing the moral legitimacy of it doesn't actually help the situation at all.

Bellisima

How strange to be told by the bride the cost of an intended wedding gift. Surely it’s up to the guest to choose an appropriate gift maybe from a list, or a cash sum they can afford. Sorry but this Bridezilla sounds like the bride in Him and Her! Maybe you should watch it to see how monstrous some brides can be (her sister’s wedding) - hilarious but touches a raw nerve.

A cheaper but nice gift would be a photo of the bride and groom blown up to A4 or A3 in black and white and then framed in a black or white frame, depending on the decor of their home, or some nice trendy glasses (everyone needs glasses!) - M&S do some lovely ones.

Do go to the wedding, unless you and your sister already have issues.