Money Moral Dilemma: Should I miss my sister's wedding?

REJP

Not enough information on travel costs, is there an overnight stay, is OP expected to be bridesmaid or Matron of Honour etc.
On first reading post, sister getting married comes across as a selfish bully.
I don't think I would pay a gift fee of £100 to attend the wedding. If it was near home I might attend the wedding and ignore the reception. Certainly would not buy new outfit etc.
On second reading, and noting other comments, sister also comes across as spoilt brat who values gifts more than sisterly love.
Her demand is out of order. Hope her future husband knows what he is marrying, and does not sign a prenuptial agreement.

AylesburyDuck

Their is unfortunately no excuse to miss your sisters wedding....however, she doesnt sound very nice for "expecting a 100 pound present".
Get her what you can afford, dont be pressured into a discussion on it either, just say a present has been purchased and dont give any more info than that.
When opened, if she complains it makes her look ungrateful, but hopefully she'll have the presence of mind to remain silent.

eastcott5

I would say GO and enjoy . It will come back to bite you if you don't. Clearly you need to talk to your parents as there is not enough info - who is paying for the wedding, where is it? All the relatives/.friends - or just close family. Exotic location, posh hotel or local registry office. Look as good as you can and a small thoughtful gift.
This reminds me of a couple of 'posh' weddings we went to - one in a Country House Hotel - brilliant place ,far too expensive for us to stay in, very close friends, great evening. We stayed in a local B and B in a nearby village - about 3 miles across fields/footpaths after midnight in poshish frocks/suits and heels - should have taken wellies, glad we bothered. A nephew got married and used a very very posh hotel outside Windsor, husband in same old suit and I borrowed a hat.Nearby b and b again and hosts had thoughtfully booked a car/taxi for drop offs - bussed back for cars the next morning. It's worth making the effort without being resentful, So far have not had to turn down Caribbean beaches.

leeparsons

No excuse for not missing the wedding? Maybe he's a best friend is in a serious medical condition, and he suffers himself a medical problem. Is currently in the hospital. There are many scenarios and your statement is just ridiculous

She is a selfish !!!!!.

I was kind of in a similar situation come to think of it. But i wasn't told how much to pay in a gift. I couldn't attend my brother's wedding, as he got married in Sri Lanka. Not only would it have cost me a bit, i wasn't working, but i suffered from a Nero logical problem, a few years before. As i am shunt dependant, i didn't want to take the risk.

They had a doe, a couple months later, where myself and other people attended. It's not always possible for people to do what you like. They need to be thoughtful of others as well.

AnotherJoe

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

There is unfortunately no excuse to miss your sisters wedding....however, she doesnt sound very nice for "expecting a 100 pound present".
Get her what you can afford, dont be pressured into a discussion on it either, just say a present has been purchased and dont give any more info than that.
When opened, if she complains it makes her look ungrateful, but hopefully she'll have the presence of mind to remain silent.

There is. That shes told you she expects a present of a certain monetary worth.

Hazeld15

If my sister expected a £100 present, even though I could afford it, I wouldn't bother going at all. Wedding presents aren't compulsory and I think it's extremely selfish of your sister to even expect one especially if she knows you are in no position to pay that sort of money. Tell her you can't afford it but still want to go and see what she says. If she is a genuine person, she will love to have you there regardless of whether you take a present or not.

moneyistooshorttomention

humptydumptybits wrote: »

I think it depends on alot of things, the culture in my family/community is that you "cover your plate" and food and entertainment can easily come to £100 a head for a nice wedding but that would also mean the happy couple would choose somewhere that is easy access for most people (can't suit everyone but if you and most of your relatives live in Kent and you decide to get married in a Scottish castle you have to accept it is going to cost guests a fair bit to attend.) Guests would also expect to be well catered for, so a good meal, free wine, something like a bbq in the evening and a free bar. We'd also expect children to be invited so no childcare costs, sorting out accommodation for people who need to travel to attend which could be anything from hotel rooms booked to asking cousin A to offer her spare room to auntie B and so on.

I understand the argument of "the culture one knows" - but many of us know people from a variety of groups with widely differing amounts of money. I've never seen the point of only knowing "people like me" personally - though I know I live in a country (Britain) where there is a huge tendency for people to only mix in "their own circle".

If I astonished everyone (including myself:rotfl:) by getting married tomorrow - then the "people I know/circles I mix in" would dictate that people would be coming from quite a wide variety of circles. It would go all the way from pretty darn penniless people to fairly "standard middle class" people to some of my relatives could easily afford to spend hundreds of £s on the present alone and not bat an eyelid.

I'd want anyone that wanted to come - through from the penniless to the "plenty of money" type relatives - and take whatever did/or didn't come my way in the spirit it was given (or not) as the case may be. I know some would be coming in charity shop clothes and just bringing me a bunch of flowers from their garden - but I'd be just glad to see them joining in personally.

_nate

Invite her to some kind of mandatory party and charge her 200 pounds. Job done.

Pixie5740

Did the sister specify the gift had to be 100 Pounds Sterling? 100 Egyptian Pounds is less than £4.50 Sterling so gift her 100 Egyptian Pounds and attend the wedding.

humptydumptybits

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I understand the argument of "the culture one knows" - but many of us know people from a variety of groups with widely differing amounts of money. I've never seen the point of only knowing "people like me" personally - though I know I live in a country (Britain) where there is a huge tendency for people to only mix in "their own circle".

If I astonished everyone (including myself:rotfl:) by getting married tomorrow - then the "people I know/circles I mix in" would dictate that people would be coming from quite a wide variety of circles. It would go all the way from pretty darn penniless people to fairly "standard middle class" people to some of my relatives could easily afford to spend hundreds of £s on the present alone and not bat an eyelid.

I'd want anyone that wanted to come - through from the penniless to the "plenty of money" type relatives - and take whatever did/or didn't come my way in the spirit it was given (or not) as the case may be. I know some would be coming in charity shop clothes and just bringing me a bunch of flowers from their garden - but I'd be just glad to see them joining in personally.

The point is we don't know about their culture, people saying the bride is greedy/spoilt etc have no idea if she is just expecting her sibling to behave in a normal way for her family and we also don't know if the sibling is married and if they are what their expectations were when they married.


To make it clear though in my family/community it is something people would budget for and also be aware that when it is their turn they benefit from the same system.



We just don't know enough to judge.