I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Litha

Dear Mooloo, you have done your best, for you to come to this decision must have been so hard. I do think that it is the right decision.
Thorsoak has said everything I was thinking, but much better than I could.
You have let no one down, you have went over and above the call of duty for everyone.
Please look after yourself.
Linda x

thorsoak

Mooloo wrote: »

I am hurting but I know it's the right thing to do.

I am waiting for the social to respond when they get my message.
I am sure my Son is not going to be happy with me.
ANd I will have to live with that.
Baby is on melt down number two got ta go

Mooloo - yes your son may well not be happy with you - but had he behaved like an adult, had he stepped up to his responsibilities as a parent - he has had an excellent model in you - then you wouldn't be in this position. He has no-one to blame but himself - in his choice of partner, in his choice to have children with her, in his choice not to pay bills but buy drugs - so if he isn't happy - then it is his fault - not yours, not Social Services (although their handling of the situation is extremely inept).

supermezzo

thorsoak wrote: »

Mooloo - yes your son may well not be happy with you - but had he behaved like an adult, had he stepped up to his responsibilities as a parent - he has had an excellent model in you - then you wouldn't be in this position. He has no-one to blame but himself - in his choice of partner, in his choice to have children with her, in his choice not to pay bills but buy drugs - so if he isn't happy - then it is his fault - not yours, not Social Services (although their handling of the situation is extremely inept).

THIS! This! And this!

Chrystal

Thinking about you Mooloo. ((((hugs)))) XX

Brighton_belle

If your DS has the nerve to 'not be happy with you' then that can only confirm his utter self centeredness I'm afraid and victimhood. He would need to change a lot to be able to parent effectively.
A sign of maturity and hope will be if he recognises this all falls at his door not yours and says so.
As Thorsoak as said, he had many chances to change, and although had made some, it was not nearly enough. He just constantly allowed you to pick up the considerable slack.

Babe1

Thinking of you Mooloo.

I can only imagine how terribly sad, this decision has been but that you maybe feel a little weight off your shoulders.

Everyone here that supports you, has written such encouragement/support - we I'm sure, all have the same thinking that you have gone "above/beyond" but now is the time to re-evaluate for the future.

You have always put the Boys first, and are continuing to do so, by letting them go. It's not all down to you being older Moo - there are many factors against you. You know that.

Single Sue - I'm sad for what you went through too. What a lady you are :A

For anyone that is going through troubled times - be kind to yourself.

X

Sayschezza

Mooloo my heart is bleeding for you. As a mum, grendmum and great gran mum I think I know how hard it must have been to come to this decision. It's the most unselfish act I have ever heard. I was adopted by my GM and GD and although it's always been good to know my roots it's been hard to not belong to my DM and her subsequent family. When my GPS died I remained with their unmarried Dd and her subsequent husband and family but didn't truly belong to them either, just a foot in both camps. Don't get me wrong I had a brilliant and very happy childhood but I do sometimes wonder if I had been adopted outside the family whether I would have felt a more feeling of belonging to someone even though not related by blood. Love and friendly hugs to you for being so brave. Xx

Savvy_sewing

I thought that I had posted yesterday evening but I cannot see it.
Social got back to me at about 9.45 as we were getting ready to go out to our dentist appointment.
They informed me that they were having a meeting and the boss would call me.
I missed his call but rang him back after the dentist.
We'd had several screaming episodes of frustration from the baby, throwing toys and upending the table, and the bigger lad had a tantrum and refused to get ready to go to the dentist. Luckily SIL arrived with some shelves for my cabin, and he also spoke to him and persuaded him to stop and come with me. I had to call the dentist to explain that we were on our way but would be a few minutes late. Luckily they were very understanding and the receptionist looked after the baby in the buggy while we went upstairs to see the dentist. By the time we got home after a trip to the park the baby was asleep and Dgd kept an eye on them watching tv and letting the lad play games on his kindle I was able to call social from my cabin and not have to talk about the situation infront of the kids, and start to do a sewing job that was needed by the evening.
Social asked me how I was, and I explained that I had agreed to shared care with Dad and since they had restricted his being here, and making him homeless I cannot do it. He apologised said he'd been on holiday and was only just made aware of the changes.
He read the drug test and agreed that it was traces so low he did not know why there was such a reaction, and that where was DS etc
I said that they told us he could only have 2 hours in a contact centre, so one minute he was here and the next gone. He said that DS can come and help , that he had no issues that all reports from visiting workers etc were positive and that this was an over reaction. So DS can come home, and can be active in helping.
They were talking with legal as to how they can go about things, but they are hoping to do a placement with DS as a supporting adult and me as the main carer. I said it was untenable as it is, that I felt Dgd was missing out etc and that I was unable to continue as a carer for my Mum, so I would need to be able to allow DS to be alone with the children while I did other things. Not to mention the ability to keep my business going.
They asked if DS could sleep in my cabin? To satisfy the strict fostering guidelines for everyone to have a room. I said if I had a 4 bedroom house would he be allowed to sleep in the house. Of course was the reply. Obviously I don't have a 4 bedroom. I could put a bed in my cabin, but I don't know how housing would take that, and it would be less than ideal for my business.
So I have agreed to keep them here on the condition Dad helps, while they sort out their end. They also doubled the financial offer to £100. I said that it is not about the financial side, although that is an issue, it's about my not being able to do it on my own.
Then in the afternoon two workers came to see me.
They listened, one took the children outside to play while I talked to the other.
So it was a repeat really of what I felt , how I am going to cope, and then asking my opinion on things and whether I could do it with childcare etc in place. I said that I need to think about it and it depends on DS being involved etc. I have altered the mistakes on the IVA and signed it for the interim but it is not necessarily a permanent solution. I pointed out what I had said in my reasoning, how it was affecting Dgd and my Mum, and me.
So we will see what they return with. They were yet to submit their application to the court.
DS was able to come over for a while, but he was engaged in the rehab centre so he was only here long enough for me to finish the one job that I needed done, ( and I did that by the skin of my teeth as she arrived as I just finished sewing in the last button).
Then he was off to work.
He will check out of the hotel this morning. So I expect him to come home today, although he is supposed to be Larping this weekend, so I will be on my own mostly until Sunday evening. I am not happy about that, but it was arranged ages ago.
I need to have a very long talk, ground rules, house rules and see if I can deal with things. I am still not sure about things, and I have told everyone that.
Meanwhile I have to take the kids to contact with amum today so I have had to swap cars. Biggest came over to see me, my friend called and everyone has been checking up on me and how I am doing.
I am exhausted. I wanted an early night but by the time biggest left Dgd and I had to still do our hair as we are still doing battle with the dreaded head lice. It takes us nearly two hours to do each night. It is getting less and less but the lotions are not working on the blighters. So it's conditioner and combing too!
By the time I went to bed it was 11.45
The baby woke up about 1.30 and then was up up this morning at 5.30 and he made such a noise that he woke his brother.
So we have been up for nearly two hours already.

KatrinaWaves

This is a true shame for the boys.

They should not have to stay in a home where their grandmother cannot cope without their dad and their dad prefers to go play dress up instead of help.

I am appalled into the apparent about turn of social services. He continues to use drugs and spend his money on that rather than the boys. It doesn’t matter how low the amounts are. I also think you are overplaying your sons role in helping you with the children, and I do not think that he will allow you to cope as he is clearly useless.

All I can see is everyone letting the boys down. His parents, social services, and now you. Sorry but they deserve better than a useless father and a run ragged grandmother.

oystercatcher

I think your son needs to prove his commitment to the children by not going away for the weekend. Arranged or not you are now into emergency measures and he needs to be there to help. If he can't do that then things will go along just as before , same old rubbish until the next crisis .

I can't believe how much you are being messed about Mooloo , by Social Services and by family . Sadly the ones who suffer the most are those dear little boys and its showing in their behaviour